damn i love SA
This was originally posted on the SA forums by a guy that goes by the name of "The Inifinate Cockeater." He regularly posts completely random, but hilarious stories, and I thought I might share one with you.
"My Little Cockeyed Girl"
"It was everything that love is not from the first words she uttered in my presense. After encountering me during a spring semester course she had studied areas of interest to me which she gleaned from my idle conversations with the tenacity of a roll of celophane - clingy but transparent. Her ineptitude in this pursuit was profound, causing her to refer to the second largest newspaper publisher in the U.S. as Knight Rider rather than Knight-Ridder. Weighing both the implications of KITT determining what stories would be placed above the fold of the Detroit Free Press and if this girl would make me get her a towel when I was done with her I decided to let such trivialities slide. She was passable and I was bored, two factors which combined to make me uncommonly accepting of her ignorance and blind to the startling deformity which would grow more pronounced as the day evolved.
Her dark blue bangs dangled beneath her brow, concealing much of the right side of her face on the occassions where my eyes wandered from her more interesting assets, which aided in my blissful obliviousness. It was four hours into the evening that the limited amount of clothing she wore would litter her floor and I would stare down every optometrist's nightmare.
She rode me with the reckless abandon of a drunken bullrider who owed money to the mob, barking out the sort of noises that should be limited to the walruses in a Sea World extravaganza. It was as she neared the summit of her sexual Everest that it finally happened. Her head toppled forward, mouth agape, hair dangling, my blood ran cold. While I have seen eyes roll back during particularly intense orgasms, only one of this girl's orbs was vacantly staring into space while the other gazed eerily down at me. I was suddenly fucking the wonky-eyed mogwai from Gremlins 2.
My testicles ascended.
I thrust my hips defensively, causing her to lurch forward directly into the neighboring wall. She looked up at me as I scrambled towards my shed garments and her face made me realize that there were church bells somewhere that weren't going to be rung that night.
"What's wrong?" she inquired.
My mind raced for an answer, but found none.
"I've got...," my words failed me as I fumbled with her door knob, "I've got things."
She reached for my hand but her clearly impaired depth perception failed her and she clutched only air."
Tienshin replied: "You liar. You know you hit that shit until you came and then laid next to her as she looked longingly at you and the bureau behind you."
I roofled many times. Hell awaits!
*edit* - forgot to add the name of the story...
"My Little Cockeyed Girl"
"It was everything that love is not from the first words she uttered in my presense. After encountering me during a spring semester course she had studied areas of interest to me which she gleaned from my idle conversations with the tenacity of a roll of celophane - clingy but transparent. Her ineptitude in this pursuit was profound, causing her to refer to the second largest newspaper publisher in the U.S. as Knight Rider rather than Knight-Ridder. Weighing both the implications of KITT determining what stories would be placed above the fold of the Detroit Free Press and if this girl would make me get her a towel when I was done with her I decided to let such trivialities slide. She was passable and I was bored, two factors which combined to make me uncommonly accepting of her ignorance and blind to the startling deformity which would grow more pronounced as the day evolved.
Her dark blue bangs dangled beneath her brow, concealing much of the right side of her face on the occassions where my eyes wandered from her more interesting assets, which aided in my blissful obliviousness. It was four hours into the evening that the limited amount of clothing she wore would litter her floor and I would stare down every optometrist's nightmare.
She rode me with the reckless abandon of a drunken bullrider who owed money to the mob, barking out the sort of noises that should be limited to the walruses in a Sea World extravaganza. It was as she neared the summit of her sexual Everest that it finally happened. Her head toppled forward, mouth agape, hair dangling, my blood ran cold. While I have seen eyes roll back during particularly intense orgasms, only one of this girl's orbs was vacantly staring into space while the other gazed eerily down at me. I was suddenly fucking the wonky-eyed mogwai from Gremlins 2.
My testicles ascended.
I thrust my hips defensively, causing her to lurch forward directly into the neighboring wall. She looked up at me as I scrambled towards my shed garments and her face made me realize that there were church bells somewhere that weren't going to be rung that night.
"What's wrong?" she inquired.
My mind raced for an answer, but found none.
"I've got...," my words failed me as I fumbled with her door knob, "I've got things."
She reached for my hand but her clearly impaired depth perception failed her and she clutched only air."
Tienshin replied: "You liar. You know you hit that shit until you came and then laid next to her as she looked longingly at you and the bureau behind you."
I roofled many times. Hell awaits!
*edit* - forgot to add the name of the story...