Modern Use II Chapter One
**New Logo In Progres**
Disclaimer: This story is totally fiction! So don’t get your panties in a wad.
Too many times, I’ve run away. Time after time, when a struggle comes my direction, I turn my cheek and pretend that there is nothing out of order. However, anger and frustration can only suppress for so long. Soon enough taking a good look in the mirror will cause the walls that keep every thing closed in to come down and all is revealed.
That is what I experienced this morning. I woke to an empty bed. My love was not next to me, yet again. It made me wish Ville’s tour with his band in Europe would end soon. The memory of his touch was becoming a myth to me. I miss everything about him; his dark wavy hair, his sea-green eyes, the way his hands felt on my face. I even miss our little spats we had occasionally and, of course, the make-ups afterward.
But I had to admit, our disagreements where disrupting our love more often than usual. The more I think about it, I panic at the thought of him leaving me. I try to tell myself that love is love, and a few stupid fights can’t change that. Although, he has not called me yet today, and I am forced to believe it‘s because of the argument we had last night.
I lifted my head from my overstuffed pillow and looked through the window above our four-poster bed. The sun was high in the sky and that meant the day is already halfway over and still no word from him. He didn’t call at eight-thirty this morning like he usually does right before he goes on. I’m no morning person, but I’ve become accustomed to his morning calls. It really puts a smile on my face to hear his voice. And falling back to sleep afterwards brings pleasant dreams, that’s for sure. Even if we argued over the phone the night before, he is always forgiving and loving when he calls me the next morning. But the absence of his voice today caused a little knot to form in the pit of my stomach.
As I sat up right in our luxurious cashmere bed, I went over our blowup last night. All he did was say how much he missed me and I smarted off, frustrated with the distance we had to deal with. I told myself, and him, that I was joking when I said he should quit the band and then he wouldn’t have to miss me, but deep down I know better.
No, I don’t want to take that away from him, but is it selfish of me to want him to be home for at least a month without having to run off? When it all boils down to it, I just wanted more time with him, and I’m sure he wants more time with me. But the demand of his music will always have him by the neck, as he’s told me several times.
The cherry wood floor felt cold beneath my feet as I stepped heavily to the bathroom. Our flat is always cold and has been since the day we moved in. I’m right in the middle of the clutter called Manhattan, just three blocks away from Time Square, and I’ve never felt so small in my life. The sheer size of our condo was enough to make you take an extra breath. I have to admit, it was a bit ridiculous. Ville has said many times that we don’t belong in such a place. But I didn’t want to leave it just yet. I was thoughtlessly proud of it. I ignored the fact that we were only renters of this lush apartment and told myself that I deserved the extravagance for once.
After a quick freshen-up over the white marble sink, I studied myself in the mirror. I don’t look the same when he’s not around. My eyes are heavy, my hair is untamed; I am a mess. My self value seems to lower because I don’t feel whole unless he is with me. As corny as it may sound, I am a fool in love. That is utterly clear. Nonetheless our three years together some how seems much shorter. If you take away the time we have spent apart our relationship would practically still be brand new.
He has been hard at work with the new record, and the tour couldn’t come soon enough could it? Don’t get me wrong, I am positively proud of his success and would never think otherwise. But when does a rock star say enough is enough? Or do they ever?
The reflection only proved that something has to change. I hate feeling like this, and it gets worse the longer he is away. We have to figure out away to not make our lives so miserable. I shook my shoulder and took a mental note to think of some sort of plan. That is my task for the day.
And to write some more on my new novel of course.
I gravitated to my office in the room down the narrow hall from our bedroom. I fired up my computer and flew down the stairs to start my first pot of coffee of the afternoon. I leaned against the counter for a moment, glancing into the living room and taking in the view from the oversized window along the wall. New York City has a view unlike any other. It is enough to make me smile every day I see it; no joke.
While the city traffic was in full gear, and I lounged still in my nightgown on our huge maroon couch, my mind was surprisingly as clear as the window before me. Despite my repetitive lifestyle, this was definitely my favorite part of the day. The moment after waking up, and realizing that everything around you is really real, is priceless. I used to hate this years ago, actually. But now, after a major life change, getting sober and all those long hours of work put into the success of my books, I ravish in this moment. No doubt, I truly deserved all of this around me.
A stiff knock at the front door interrupted my reminiscing. I stood from the couch, almost tipping over with the feeling of lightheadedness. Shivering, I stepped softly over to the door, standing on my tip-toe’s to peak through the peephole. I grunted when a red, blurry mass was all the was visible.
I cracked the door open, peaking through to find Ville standing there holding a dozen red roses. His eyes seemed to sparkle when he saw me. My jaw dropped. “Babe!” I shrieked. I sure was not expecting that one.
His smile grew wider as he leaned into me, taking my face in his empty hand and planted a light kiss. I now knew the dizzy feeling I had was because of him.
After three years together, he still had a way to make me melt in his hands. When he pulled away he took a step back and said, “You look delightful this morning, darling.” He said with his deep raspy voice. I noticed then he had cut his hair. It fell in short wavy layers to the middle of his neck, just below his jaw line.
I blushed and let out a giggle, “Don’t do that voice. You know where that will lead to.”
He came closer, “I sure do, sweetheart.”
Drunk on love, and completely lost in hunger, I lay breathless and naked beside him in our bed. He let me rest my head on his chest as he struggled to catch his breath as well. It felt nice to feel his warmth next to me again, but I couldn’t help but wonder how long he’ll be here this time.
As the girlfriend of a musician, I knew what I was getting into when I first fell in love with him, but nothing can prepare you for this. I’m tremendously thirsty for him, but am teased with only a sip every now and then.
I hate this, I thought.
He sighed when the silence caused the air around us to thicken. “This feels good. We haven’t done this in a while.” He whispered.
I lifted my head and shot him a mocking smirk.
“What?” His eyebrows pushed together.
I rolled my eyes and smiled as I slid off the bed. “I missed you too, babe.”
He sat up, leaning against the pillows, and struggled for a moment with his smoker’s cough. “Was the sarcasm necessary?” He asked.
“Absolutely.” I laughed, finding his Black Sabbath t-shirt on the floor and pulling it on. “I won’t snap again. I promise. You can still tell me you miss me.”
He grinned lustfully, lighting a cigarette as I crawled on the bed to him and straddled his lap. “Good to know.” He said with his deep voice as he slipped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me to pressed my lips to his.
“When do you have to leave?” I asked between kisses.
“Tomorrow.” He groaned. He looked confused when I stopped him from kissing back.
Feeling the pressure of time, I forced myself to pull away from him. I felt angry with him. I felt like I was being reeled in like a fish on a hook that would be tossed back when he didn’t have anymore time for me.
I hate this, I thought.
“I’m sorry, darling.” He said when I climbed off the bed. “I’m not even supposed to be here right now.”
“Then what the hell are you doing here?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest in frustration. I was sure the attitude in my voice would set him off.
And it did.
His ran his hand through his hair in aggravation. “I wanted to see you. Do I need any other reason than that?”
When he stood before me and tried to pull me in his arms, I stepped back. “I don’t know how much more patience I have left.” I said, shaking my head as I felt tears falling down my cheeks.
Those green eyes softened as they dug into me, “Please don’t say that again.”
He tried to comfort me with his hand on my face, but I backed away again.
He turned away for a moment and looked back, “What do you want me to do, Faye?” He asked.
Putting my hand up before him, warning him not to come any closer, I wanted to just step out of this situation. I didn’t want to tell him what I really wanted. I wanted it to be his decision. So I just turned and left to room to disappear behind the door of my office where I will continue to write the romance novel that mimicked our love to the very last I Love You.