Take Me Off The Bench

[spitfire3]

With the recent month off, There's been no shortage of activity, although most of it feels unproductive, pointless, and selfish. With less than a week till I resume where my classes left off, I'm wondering if I'll manage to fall back into the routine and flow of the Full Sail life. Realistically it's not a choice, it's either get moving, or fail. I don't need another moment of failure on my mind. Possible new roommate, possible new boy. Been involved in what might as well be a relationship but something inside says I can't do it. Sucks trying to remember that feeling of never wanting to leave the person you're with. Still haven't been able to feel what a i felt years ago, but i take what i'm given with minimal grief. Things could always be worse, though in my head they usually are. Been flooding my mind with gay documentaries and indies. I'm weak for cliched camera romance, my fictional assurance that one day my life could be such script worthy material. Or maybe i just wish my relationships were as predictable as the ones on screen. Turning twenty must of had a weird effect on my wanting of a relationship. The thought kind of died out the past few months but it's all coming back again.
I'm hating this insomnia that always comes with too much free time.
Too many things to decide on lately. Im selfish. I don't make decisions well.