That Day You Began To Notice
What happened to me that I pretty much gave up on coming back to my love, my baby, my writing in times of need. Could've been my own cold war with words and our lack of mutual understanding when neither of us is ready to come to terms with how we miss treated each other. I miss the pen and the pad, the good and the bad, the done and will be's. What's important is I'm on to a slow recovery.
There's too much to really go over with subsequent details, so I'll try and play catch up as best I can. School is finally picking up and the question of "how the hell will i do this for the rest of my life" is formulating into a comfortable answer without lying to myself. I spent too much time worrying, and less time actually learning in the moment, but all is well in my future academics as long as i don't throw away my time clubbing, smoking, or drinking (all activities of which have aged beyond their label of novelty they once dazzled beneath). For several weeks now I've somehow squeezed out of the crack of feeling lonely and dependent. My legs feel stronger, head a bit higher, and eyes more open. Too much to do and see without worrying about someone else. Though it felt like it took forever, I'm really enjoying the notion that I'm my best company. I'd be lying if I said i snuffed boys out of the equation entirely, but I know I'm in it now for all the right reasons, all the possibilities and excitement, not the need and greed to have. What I know I do need is a new car and I've planted myself on the Mazda 3i 5-door in black. There's no getting around it. After 3 test drives and coming within an inch of making the deal only to be blasted in the face with the realism of needing a larger down payment to make affordable monthly payments, I've decided to attempt work alongside school. Already dealing with 8 to 12 hour school days makes it all seem a little near impossible but I know I really want this and Cash doesn't come without labor. Give me another month and I'll zoom-zoom to my heart's content.
Tomorrow I leave back to Orlando, hauling Chris along with me for a week. Hopefully he enjoys his Orlando vacation away from miami before he starts school next Monday. I miss the bugger, plus he snuggles like a total champ. The first thing I'm going to do is Watch '500 Days of Summer' a 2nd time (probably a 3rd and 4th) back in O-town. I caught a showing earlier tonight with my sister and some friends and Was completely love struck by the beauty of the story and characters. Easily my new Favorite movie along side Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and a few other relationship based movies. It definitely was the final inspirational jolt to get back into writing, poetry, lyrical endeavors, and making music with friends. Keeping my fingers crossed, hell even my toes, that something good will come out of this positive change of pace and mindset.
There's too much to really go over with subsequent details, so I'll try and play catch up as best I can. School is finally picking up and the question of "how the hell will i do this for the rest of my life" is formulating into a comfortable answer without lying to myself. I spent too much time worrying, and less time actually learning in the moment, but all is well in my future academics as long as i don't throw away my time clubbing, smoking, or drinking (all activities of which have aged beyond their label of novelty they once dazzled beneath). For several weeks now I've somehow squeezed out of the crack of feeling lonely and dependent. My legs feel stronger, head a bit higher, and eyes more open. Too much to do and see without worrying about someone else. Though it felt like it took forever, I'm really enjoying the notion that I'm my best company. I'd be lying if I said i snuffed boys out of the equation entirely, but I know I'm in it now for all the right reasons, all the possibilities and excitement, not the need and greed to have. What I know I do need is a new car and I've planted myself on the Mazda 3i 5-door in black. There's no getting around it. After 3 test drives and coming within an inch of making the deal only to be blasted in the face with the realism of needing a larger down payment to make affordable monthly payments, I've decided to attempt work alongside school. Already dealing with 8 to 12 hour school days makes it all seem a little near impossible but I know I really want this and Cash doesn't come without labor. Give me another month and I'll zoom-zoom to my heart's content.
Tomorrow I leave back to Orlando, hauling Chris along with me for a week. Hopefully he enjoys his Orlando vacation away from miami before he starts school next Monday. I miss the bugger, plus he snuggles like a total champ. The first thing I'm going to do is Watch '500 Days of Summer' a 2nd time (probably a 3rd and 4th) back in O-town. I caught a showing earlier tonight with my sister and some friends and Was completely love struck by the beauty of the story and characters. Easily my new Favorite movie along side Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and a few other relationship based movies. It definitely was the final inspirational jolt to get back into writing, poetry, lyrical endeavors, and making music with friends. Keeping my fingers crossed, hell even my toes, that something good will come out of this positive change of pace and mindset.