(no subject)

[spitfiire]

everythings been reaally sucky recently with gavin, if you're my friend you probably know about it already, but I just have to write it all down. I saw Gavin, on Wednesday, and it was really nice, just had pizza and watched a film, and then it ended like a normal night, and then for the next two days I hear nothing from him, and i dont even know why, he stays off msn but goes on irc etc, so I wonder whats happening! I sent him a few comments on myspace, and neil commented him, and he commented neil back but not me, so i messaged him asking him why he hadnt commented me back or talked to me, as it was really weird, and after that he commented me back responding to one of my comments. so I left it at that. he continued not to come on msn, so i thought id send him a massive message telling him about my day and not to worry and that i loved him. I got on the next morning and i checked, and he hadnt even read it after i spent so long writing it, he'd just saw it was from me and avoided reading it, and i definitely felt like crap, and he still hadnt been on msn. I got in from school, and he still hadnt read it, and i went onto his profile and there was a big picture of some stupid asian girl there, and a few days before my picture had been there, so that made me really upset and mad because he'd just dissappeared without even giving me a reason and it was obvious hed been avoiding talking to me, and i got really upset and called him up to see what was going on, as id asked him twice in messages why hed been ignoring me, and he didnt answer. I got really angry because i dont thinks a very nice thing for your boyfriend to do, and he didnt even see that what hed been doing was the least bit unfair. he went off to neils. I got a text from him later while i was in bed asking me to come online, and i did, turns out he wanted me to come on so he could tell me off, and he told me i was self obsessed and that i made him feel like he was never good enough, and that everything revolved around me, which is not even true, cuz ever since the whole stephen thing happened ive been trying so hard to prove to him that i love him and wont do it again, but last night he said i was way too intense and clingy and needy and that i talk about myself all the time and what i say isnt even intertesting.
so I'm still so desperate to make things work, but tbh I dont know if it will.
I dont even know how much I want then too after the past couple of days.
But we'll see how tonight goes.