"we could be heros...just for one day..."

[spiritwanderer]

i went to church. me...in a flippin church! i went for the orf program, the children were singing a few songs and Jackie needed me there to help lead. the Mrs. Treacher raked me into singing with the choir. and they had a few songs in the beginnin, led by a guy w/ a guitar. is it bad that memories came back? that i knew the songs he was singing by heart? that i had a glimmer of hope that the day could be better. and then i sang with the choir, with Mrs. T. directin, and it was the happiest id been in so long. music, the one thing thats always been able to save me, finally set right, to how its supposed to be.

*sigh* idk. god how i hate those words. i went out to the college at noon, only to find i had nothin there to do. so i came to town, and to a coffee shop, and sat there for 2 1/2 hours waiting for answers. i drove around with a good friend. hoping to get some answers, listening to old songs. then i had been left to my thoughts...

why do ppl come back into ur lives?

what if all there is in life is pain after pain?

what if true love exists, but on the other side of the world, and ill never find it?

y cant i be happy?

what if its not about love, and being happy? what if the almighty being doesnt give a damn about our emotional condition?

y cant i talk to anyone, only write down thoughts?

is this life?

what if no one can save me? if life will always be disappointing...will i ask, on my deathbed, y i went through it all...

i want to feel the warm summer rain...

@-,`---