Monday Morning Confessional
I have a tendency to throw the baby out with the bathwater when it comes to religion. In the past I have just gone to extremes, and in the flurry, I lost the real value.
The same might also have been true in my relationship, but I have been blessed with a partner who has thus far loved me more than enough to roll happily with me through every post-religious philosophical and spiritual evolution. He's adapted so many times. He grew enough backbone so that I didn't feel he was agreeing with me all the time. He stopped making comments that I think are stupid. He became more conservative financially... and less socialist politically. He was happy to serve me when I wanted that, and equally agreeable and more than competent to take me as his boy when I realized that was what I wanted.
In eight years, I've changed quite a bit... but I don't see that I've adapted myself to him in any significant way. He has had his own independent evloutions as well, but he's also adapted to me continuously -- remaining that same calm, creative, and playful man I fell for almost eight years ago. When we leave a function, I'm always so glad he's the one I'm going home with -- I don't have to listen to anyone babble, try to impress me, or otherwise poke or prod my ears when I'd rather just have calm musings.
I have at times been downright reckless with my words.... frightening him unnecessarily as I pursue some extreme that I know I will end up discarding.... like turning off all my emotions in the pursuit of productivity. I didn't expect that it would upset him so much -- and I realized afterward that if I expect him to take what I say seriously, I can't expect him to play along with such rubbish in the name of an illusion -- I can't have it both ways. I prefer to be taken seriously.
That really isn't what I intended to write about but it needed to be said.
What I had intended to write about is that I need to manage my time better. I had gotten to a point where I don't trust myself to do the things that need to be done when they need to be done. Now, sometimes I don't really know what needs to be done -- that's different, that's understandable. But if I think that I know what needs to be done, and I don't do it. Well, that's sin, isn't it?
And if I keep on sinning, then eventually I just won't trust myself anymore.
The same might also have been true in my relationship, but I have been blessed with a partner who has thus far loved me more than enough to roll happily with me through every post-religious philosophical and spiritual evolution. He's adapted so many times. He grew enough backbone so that I didn't feel he was agreeing with me all the time. He stopped making comments that I think are stupid. He became more conservative financially... and less socialist politically. He was happy to serve me when I wanted that, and equally agreeable and more than competent to take me as his boy when I realized that was what I wanted.
In eight years, I've changed quite a bit... but I don't see that I've adapted myself to him in any significant way. He has had his own independent evloutions as well, but he's also adapted to me continuously -- remaining that same calm, creative, and playful man I fell for almost eight years ago. When we leave a function, I'm always so glad he's the one I'm going home with -- I don't have to listen to anyone babble, try to impress me, or otherwise poke or prod my ears when I'd rather just have calm musings.
I have at times been downright reckless with my words.... frightening him unnecessarily as I pursue some extreme that I know I will end up discarding.... like turning off all my emotions in the pursuit of productivity. I didn't expect that it would upset him so much -- and I realized afterward that if I expect him to take what I say seriously, I can't expect him to play along with such rubbish in the name of an illusion -- I can't have it both ways. I prefer to be taken seriously.
That really isn't what I intended to write about but it needed to be said.
What I had intended to write about is that I need to manage my time better. I had gotten to a point where I don't trust myself to do the things that need to be done when they need to be done. Now, sometimes I don't really know what needs to be done -- that's different, that's understandable. But if I think that I know what needs to be done, and I don't do it. Well, that's sin, isn't it?
And if I keep on sinning, then eventually I just won't trust myself anymore.