What do you hear in these Sounds?
Here. Here is my place. Here among the grasses and the breeze and the rolling storm clouds that bear down upon us. Here, where the scent of horseflesh fills my nose and I can feel their hooves impacting the ground even as I stand across the field from them. Here is where I belong.
I am beginning to feel closure here in this city. I can’t really say that I will miss it, though I’ve had a good time here and wouldn’t change the last three years for the world. Without it, I wouldn’t have Ann or Robin or Jeremy. I wouldn’t have had many other experiences, including growing closer to my big brother and his family. But I am ready to go to a smaller city with more rural spaces, fresh vegetables, cows, buffalo, and horses. I look forward to our yard with the small garden patch and the clothesline and the large deck that I want to refinish and stain. I will need curtains and floor rugs. Linseed oil. I will need Linseed oil. The counters are made of wood and they have no seal coating, so we have to oil them every so often.
I decided to leave the company on Friday. I will take my 40 hours PTO in order to keep my insurance one extra week (just in case) and then I’ll be on my own, hoping that I can make ends meet and get a new job up and going. Mom thinks I should pursue freelancing and I think I will advertise myself as a traveling horse trainer and riding instructor.
We are almost packed. Our dinning room is stacked floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes that Seamus has decided is his personal jungle gym. That’s just fine with me. If he’s sitting on the highest boxes he can’t possibly be under my feet, a disaster waiting to happen.
I have been so very tired lately. I cannot seem to conserve enough energy to do more than curl into a ball and rest peacefully against Jeremy as he watches the news. Making dinner is a great effort, as is packing and committing myself to a regular exercise program. Mostly I just want to read, rest, and sleep in the few free hours of daylight that belong to me.
And so I leave you with lyrics that have been swirling in my head and keeping the soundtrack of my emotions. I am sorry to leave behind my dear friends but happy to seek a new adventure with a fresh start.
Day is Done
by: Peter, Paul, and Mary
Tell me why you're crying, my son
I know you're frightened, like everyone
Is it the thunder in the distance you fear?
Will it help if I stay very near?
I am here.
Refrain:
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
Day is done, Day is done
Day is done, Day is done
Do you ask why I'm sighing, my son?
You shall inherit what mankind has done.
In a world filled with sorrow and woe
If you ask me why this is so, I really don't know.
(Refrain)
Tell me why you're smiling my son
Is there a secret you can tell everyone?
Do you know more than men that are wise?
Can you see what we all must disguise
through your loving eyes?
(Refrain)
End of the Summer
By: Dar Williams
The summer ends and we wonder where we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And you both look so young
And last night was hard, you said
You packed up every room
And then you cried and went to bed
But today you closed the door and said
We have to get a move on.
Its just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead,
We push ourselves ahead.
And it was cloudy in the morning
And it rained as you drove away
And the same things looked different
Its the end of the summer
Its the end of the summer,
When you move to another place
And I feel like the neighbors girl who will never be the same
She walked alone all spring,
She had a boyfriend when the summer came
And he gave her flowers in a lightning storm
They disappeared at night in green fields of silver corn
And sometime in july she just forgot that he was leaving
So when the fields were dying, she held on to his sleeves
She held on to his sleeves
And she doesnt want to let go
cause she wont know what shes up against
The classrooms and the smart girls
Its the end of the summer
Its the end of the summer
When you hang your flowers up to dry
And I had a dream it blows the autumn through my head
It felt like the first day of school
But I was going to the moon instead
And I walked down the hall
With the notebooks they got for me
My dad led me through the house
My mom drank instant coffee
And I knew that I would crash
But I didnt want to tell them
There are just some moments when your family makes sense
They just make sense
So I raised up my arms and my mother put the sweater on
We walked out on the dark and frozen grass
The end of the summer
Its the end of the summer
When you send your children to the moon
The summer ends and we wonder who we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And today I passed the high school, the river, the maple tree
I passed the farms that made it
Through the last days of the century
And I knew that I was going to learn again
Again, in this less hazy light
I saw the fields beyond the fields
The fields beyond the fields
And the colors are much brighter now
Its like they really want to tell the truth
We give our testimony to the end of the summer
Its the end of the summer,
You can spin the light to gold.
I am beginning to feel closure here in this city. I can’t really say that I will miss it, though I’ve had a good time here and wouldn’t change the last three years for the world. Without it, I wouldn’t have Ann or Robin or Jeremy. I wouldn’t have had many other experiences, including growing closer to my big brother and his family. But I am ready to go to a smaller city with more rural spaces, fresh vegetables, cows, buffalo, and horses. I look forward to our yard with the small garden patch and the clothesline and the large deck that I want to refinish and stain. I will need curtains and floor rugs. Linseed oil. I will need Linseed oil. The counters are made of wood and they have no seal coating, so we have to oil them every so often.
I decided to leave the company on Friday. I will take my 40 hours PTO in order to keep my insurance one extra week (just in case) and then I’ll be on my own, hoping that I can make ends meet and get a new job up and going. Mom thinks I should pursue freelancing and I think I will advertise myself as a traveling horse trainer and riding instructor.
We are almost packed. Our dinning room is stacked floor to ceiling with cardboard boxes that Seamus has decided is his personal jungle gym. That’s just fine with me. If he’s sitting on the highest boxes he can’t possibly be under my feet, a disaster waiting to happen.
I have been so very tired lately. I cannot seem to conserve enough energy to do more than curl into a ball and rest peacefully against Jeremy as he watches the news. Making dinner is a great effort, as is packing and committing myself to a regular exercise program. Mostly I just want to read, rest, and sleep in the few free hours of daylight that belong to me.
And so I leave you with lyrics that have been swirling in my head and keeping the soundtrack of my emotions. I am sorry to leave behind my dear friends but happy to seek a new adventure with a fresh start.
Day is Done
by: Peter, Paul, and Mary
Tell me why you're crying, my son
I know you're frightened, like everyone
Is it the thunder in the distance you fear?
Will it help if I stay very near?
I am here.
Refrain:
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
And if you take my hand my son
All will be well when the day is done.
Day is done, Day is done
Day is done, Day is done
Do you ask why I'm sighing, my son?
You shall inherit what mankind has done.
In a world filled with sorrow and woe
If you ask me why this is so, I really don't know.
(Refrain)
Tell me why you're smiling my son
Is there a secret you can tell everyone?
Do you know more than men that are wise?
Can you see what we all must disguise
through your loving eyes?
(Refrain)
End of the Summer
By: Dar Williams
The summer ends and we wonder where we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And you both look so young
And last night was hard, you said
You packed up every room
And then you cried and went to bed
But today you closed the door and said
We have to get a move on.
Its just that time of year when we push ourselves ahead,
We push ourselves ahead.
And it was cloudy in the morning
And it rained as you drove away
And the same things looked different
Its the end of the summer
Its the end of the summer,
When you move to another place
And I feel like the neighbors girl who will never be the same
She walked alone all spring,
She had a boyfriend when the summer came
And he gave her flowers in a lightning storm
They disappeared at night in green fields of silver corn
And sometime in july she just forgot that he was leaving
So when the fields were dying, she held on to his sleeves
She held on to his sleeves
And she doesnt want to let go
cause she wont know what shes up against
The classrooms and the smart girls
Its the end of the summer
Its the end of the summer
When you hang your flowers up to dry
And I had a dream it blows the autumn through my head
It felt like the first day of school
But I was going to the moon instead
And I walked down the hall
With the notebooks they got for me
My dad led me through the house
My mom drank instant coffee
And I knew that I would crash
But I didnt want to tell them
There are just some moments when your family makes sense
They just make sense
So I raised up my arms and my mother put the sweater on
We walked out on the dark and frozen grass
The end of the summer
Its the end of the summer
When you send your children to the moon
The summer ends and we wonder who we are
And there you go, my friends, with your boxes in your car
And today I passed the high school, the river, the maple tree
I passed the farms that made it
Through the last days of the century
And I knew that I was going to learn again
Again, in this less hazy light
I saw the fields beyond the fields
The fields beyond the fields
And the colors are much brighter now
Its like they really want to tell the truth
We give our testimony to the end of the summer
Its the end of the summer,
You can spin the light to gold.