well, that's interesting.
I had this peculiar feeling tonight, one I don't think I've ever had before. I was in the middle of a semi-serious, semi-funny conversation about some boy I'm supposed to meet because we'd be "perfect together," and both are believers, and have similar backgrounds and interests and so forth. In between the laughter, and the teasing, and the little twinge of excitement, I realized something.
Oh, God, I really don't want this right now.
I was rather shocked at myself. Granted, part of that feeling could be chalked up to terror of commitment . . . and part of it could be uncertainty about what I even really want right now.
But it was a good feeling. A feeling of wholeness. A feeling of content. A feeling of being comfortable, alone, in my own skin. A very very good feeling. Peculiar, yes--but worth the last few years of angst and tears and crying why, God?
Oh yes.
Oh, God, I really don't want this right now.
I was rather shocked at myself. Granted, part of that feeling could be chalked up to terror of commitment . . . and part of it could be uncertainty about what I even really want right now.
But it was a good feeling. A feeling of wholeness. A feeling of content. A feeling of being comfortable, alone, in my own skin. A very very good feeling. Peculiar, yes--but worth the last few years of angst and tears and crying why, God?
Oh yes.