(no subject)
So I haven't properly updated in a while. I've been talking to Grege since school ended. It's a sort of we may or may not but I can't stop thinking about him and he's either really friendly or can't stop thinking about me either.
Work is... work. I'm getting fed up with working every day, I'm not wanting to work every day even as I realise that if I did, I'd be bored out of my mind. I miss being bored out of my mind. I miss having so much time on my hands that I'd write every second of the day because playing sims was a waste of time. It's not entirely work's fault. It's a good job, it's a great freaking job, considering I get paid a good deal of money to talk sometimes. I get paid a good deal of money to socialize and learn how to socialize. I've come a long way.
Hell, I met Colleen's look and talk without being pulled in emotionally the other day. I can drink without deriving bad things from it.
Work does me good, but I almost wish I could work less. I almost wish I could sleep in every day. But I've done the math. With my credit card, it wouldn't be worth it. I'd have to work forty hours a week just to afford bills. Want to pay off my credit card but I feel bogged down so I'm trying a different sort of routine. Starting to take a hundred dollars a paychekc and maybe hide it in my room. Except not hiding it.
Because no one is going to steal my money. Do you know what that's like? I don't fucking believe it but if I don't go through the process then ... it's like I believe the people I live with will steal from me even though I am absolutely certain they won't. Taking out a hundred each pay will get me enough to do the trip, with money to pay for lovely books and such, for me and Colleen. That's a hundred a night (I think is what I figured it) which makes two hundred plus the ten for each gas tank because her tank's not that big and there's five of us. Five!
Bought a ring for myself from Gemini Jewelers. I love it. It kind of looks like an engagement ring but it means so very much to me that it makes me smile to think of it. I can afford to buy myself a ring, a very expensive ring originally. It goes with my necklace and I may take Colleen out to the mall tomorrow to show them off. I love the ring, I love it. It could only mean more to me if someone else had found out what I wanted and then bought it for me.
But I wouldn't expect anyone to pay that much for me. I'm not worth that much.
I.. can't see myself as being that much yet. Talked with Liz about how the theme of my life is "I'm making puppet accounts to stalk you but you're the crazy, pathetic bitch with issues". After I said that she looked at me and I looked at her and I felt the blow but said somethign about whatever. Another dumbassed bitch thinks that and I am upset because I know I am not at fault but nothing I say will change that.
Because to yet another person I am the one at fault even though here I am, on my livejournal, with my own home ip, with everything obvious and no attempt to fool you into thinking that I am not actually looking at your stuff. While you use someone else's ip, make a puppet account, attempt to mock someone else's grammatical style (btw, you both suck ass at it) and try to pretend someone better than you are. And yet you stand there and point the finger at me and say that I am the crazy one, I am the one at fault, I am the bitch and the one who hides what they believe and what they are.
That I am the problem even though I am not the problem. Certainly I obssess. Certainly I still venture to Celene's and Evan's journals when I remember they exist and certainly I wonder how much is said in those journals to try to prove something to me.
I am paranoid. I am a bitch. I will tear your fucking head off it you attack or harass my friends.
But don't you ever. Try to tell me I am beneath you.
Unless of course I am. Whooo. That might be fun if it was a very specific person I was beneath! I do not lie, steal or make puppet accounts. When I get bored, certainly I wander. But in no way do I stalk.
Fuck. Only reason I've even thought of Celene recently was because Evan started stalking me. Then I was like "wait... Celene did this! Dumbass thinks this will work? Celene has more brain to her!"
I like my ring...
I know, change of conversation. But I really like this ring. I want someone to notice it and be like "Hey, nice ring, what's it represent?"
It represents my freedom and my capability. It's a fuck you to anyone who ever thought I wasn't capable. It's a promise, I made years ago and a hope. To be the best I could be.
Work is... work. I'm getting fed up with working every day, I'm not wanting to work every day even as I realise that if I did, I'd be bored out of my mind. I miss being bored out of my mind. I miss having so much time on my hands that I'd write every second of the day because playing sims was a waste of time. It's not entirely work's fault. It's a good job, it's a great freaking job, considering I get paid a good deal of money to talk sometimes. I get paid a good deal of money to socialize and learn how to socialize. I've come a long way.
Hell, I met Colleen's look and talk without being pulled in emotionally the other day. I can drink without deriving bad things from it.
Work does me good, but I almost wish I could work less. I almost wish I could sleep in every day. But I've done the math. With my credit card, it wouldn't be worth it. I'd have to work forty hours a week just to afford bills. Want to pay off my credit card but I feel bogged down so I'm trying a different sort of routine. Starting to take a hundred dollars a paychekc and maybe hide it in my room. Except not hiding it.
Because no one is going to steal my money. Do you know what that's like? I don't fucking believe it but if I don't go through the process then ... it's like I believe the people I live with will steal from me even though I am absolutely certain they won't. Taking out a hundred each pay will get me enough to do the trip, with money to pay for lovely books and such, for me and Colleen. That's a hundred a night (I think is what I figured it) which makes two hundred plus the ten for each gas tank because her tank's not that big and there's five of us. Five!
Bought a ring for myself from Gemini Jewelers. I love it. It kind of looks like an engagement ring but it means so very much to me that it makes me smile to think of it. I can afford to buy myself a ring, a very expensive ring originally. It goes with my necklace and I may take Colleen out to the mall tomorrow to show them off. I love the ring, I love it. It could only mean more to me if someone else had found out what I wanted and then bought it for me.
But I wouldn't expect anyone to pay that much for me. I'm not worth that much.
I.. can't see myself as being that much yet. Talked with Liz about how the theme of my life is "I'm making puppet accounts to stalk you but you're the crazy, pathetic bitch with issues". After I said that she looked at me and I looked at her and I felt the blow but said somethign about whatever. Another dumbassed bitch thinks that and I am upset because I know I am not at fault but nothing I say will change that.
Because to yet another person I am the one at fault even though here I am, on my livejournal, with my own home ip, with everything obvious and no attempt to fool you into thinking that I am not actually looking at your stuff. While you use someone else's ip, make a puppet account, attempt to mock someone else's grammatical style (btw, you both suck ass at it) and try to pretend someone better than you are. And yet you stand there and point the finger at me and say that I am the crazy one, I am the one at fault, I am the bitch and the one who hides what they believe and what they are.
That I am the problem even though I am not the problem. Certainly I obssess. Certainly I still venture to Celene's and Evan's journals when I remember they exist and certainly I wonder how much is said in those journals to try to prove something to me.
I am paranoid. I am a bitch. I will tear your fucking head off it you attack or harass my friends.
But don't you ever. Try to tell me I am beneath you.
Unless of course I am. Whooo. That might be fun if it was a very specific person I was beneath! I do not lie, steal or make puppet accounts. When I get bored, certainly I wander. But in no way do I stalk.
Fuck. Only reason I've even thought of Celene recently was because Evan started stalking me. Then I was like "wait... Celene did this! Dumbass thinks this will work? Celene has more brain to her!"
I like my ring...
I know, change of conversation. But I really like this ring. I want someone to notice it and be like "Hey, nice ring, what's it represent?"
It represents my freedom and my capability. It's a fuck you to anyone who ever thought I wasn't capable. It's a promise, I made years ago and a hope. To be the best I could be.