Hello again
I have not written anything in a long time and I suppose it is partly because of the nature of the medium, it's just too public a forum for my thoughts sometimes. I know that seems slightly preposterous given the extremely personal content of some of my entires but for me, there are some worries, consuming thought trains, that I don't share with anyone. And when they become the majority of the type of emotion I normally need to vent I turn to good old fashioned notebooks, cafes, and long mental compositions that I never end up writing down. I guess I started my blog for those long mental compositions that I didn't have time to record on paper but since I type so quickly...well the rest is evident by reading the lengthy, self-involved entries that are archived here.
All in all, this summer has been pretty good. My nose has officially been clean for a year now and it's almost that long for pot. My roomate from freshman year still doesn't understand that I don't smoke pot anymore. Like, it has not sunken in for her, and still baffles, befuddles, and otherwise bewilders her brain. I guess I understand, I used to smoke much more than her but it's just not something I can do. The nice thing about my nose being clean is that the longer I go the easier it gets, because even when the occasional really intense craving hits me, it's like even if it was "only this once" it would mean startingt he sobriety count all over again. And even though, in the grand scheme of things, a year isn't that long, when it comes to kicking an amphetamine habit, a year seems like a wonderfully long time and something that I'm proud of. Pot...pot is another story. The only thing I can do is to stay away from it. I don't get the blood itch of physical cravings but when people around me are smoking it's all I can do not to ask to partake and it usually ends with me chain smoking cigarettes (also not good) and drinking way more than I had planned.
I leave for Paris on Wednesday, and in the strangeness of picking up and moving across an ocean to a continent I've never been to and living there for 10 months and speaking my second language...something tells me I'm going to be updating this a good deal more.
All in all, this summer has been pretty good. My nose has officially been clean for a year now and it's almost that long for pot. My roomate from freshman year still doesn't understand that I don't smoke pot anymore. Like, it has not sunken in for her, and still baffles, befuddles, and otherwise bewilders her brain. I guess I understand, I used to smoke much more than her but it's just not something I can do. The nice thing about my nose being clean is that the longer I go the easier it gets, because even when the occasional really intense craving hits me, it's like even if it was "only this once" it would mean startingt he sobriety count all over again. And even though, in the grand scheme of things, a year isn't that long, when it comes to kicking an amphetamine habit, a year seems like a wonderfully long time and something that I'm proud of. Pot...pot is another story. The only thing I can do is to stay away from it. I don't get the blood itch of physical cravings but when people around me are smoking it's all I can do not to ask to partake and it usually ends with me chain smoking cigarettes (also not good) and drinking way more than I had planned.
I leave for Paris on Wednesday, and in the strangeness of picking up and moving across an ocean to a continent I've never been to and living there for 10 months and speaking my second language...something tells me I'm going to be updating this a good deal more.