depressing drama stuff
Well as some of you may already know Eric and I have split up do to the fact that both of us are unhappy. Notice I said both which makes me wonder why I still feel a little heart broken...is it the fact that we've been together for the better part of three years...is it the fact that he is attracted to a very cool girl and I feel a little jealous...I love him ...I do...and he loves me...but neither one of us are in love w/ each other...he doesn't have what I need and I don't have what he needs and that is that!
If it's the later of the two reasons that I can think of right off the top of my head then I need to remember that I am my own person...I am MILDLY artistic, I do play music...not w/ other ppl, I do have very strong spiritual pulls (inside my head at least), I like to dig into the depths of humans and I don't talk about it much because of several reasons.
All of that being said, maybe it's because he claims to not know me. Now either there's nothing to know or what there is to know is just really hard, especially when you're being so distant. I'm not one to just start talking about what's in my head...mainly because it's unnecessary to come out of my head. I'm sorry if you don't even try to utilize my qualities...which when I'm depressed it's very easy for me to loose site of. And I start feeling horrible "what am I doing w/ my life" "I have no interesting qualities" (maybe I would if I took the time to harness the ones that I have somewhere deep down inside) "I just work all the fucking time and for what?...a car! WTF" and then it's "Why the hell did I let myself be this weak to get myself back into this?"
Anyway...I suppose that's enough of letting you view the torment that is happening inside my head...It's just really hard to keep moving when I feel so unreal/like a pile of hollow clay...ummm yeah
So besides all of that...I'm finding it very hard to find another job that is not the GPI. I'm trying to type up a resume but it's not working out very fast...it's rather depressing...I really don't want $1000 in bills not including food and gas or entertainment!!!!!!! So when can I win the lottery...I'll take care of my friends!!! I put a lot of money into good causes!!! What more could the world ask for huh?
In other mundane news: A more content w/ life spiralriding would be very excited that she is moving into a house w/ very cool girls by the weekend. And would also be able to see a few more positives...
If it's the later of the two reasons that I can think of right off the top of my head then I need to remember that I am my own person...I am MILDLY artistic, I do play music...not w/ other ppl, I do have very strong spiritual pulls (inside my head at least), I like to dig into the depths of humans and I don't talk about it much because of several reasons.
All of that being said, maybe it's because he claims to not know me. Now either there's nothing to know or what there is to know is just really hard, especially when you're being so distant. I'm not one to just start talking about what's in my head...mainly because it's unnecessary to come out of my head. I'm sorry if you don't even try to utilize my qualities...which when I'm depressed it's very easy for me to loose site of. And I start feeling horrible "what am I doing w/ my life" "I have no interesting qualities" (maybe I would if I took the time to harness the ones that I have somewhere deep down inside) "I just work all the fucking time and for what?...a car! WTF" and then it's "Why the hell did I let myself be this weak to get myself back into this?"
Anyway...I suppose that's enough of letting you view the torment that is happening inside my head...It's just really hard to keep moving when I feel so unreal/like a pile of hollow clay...ummm yeah
So besides all of that...I'm finding it very hard to find another job that is not the GPI. I'm trying to type up a resume but it's not working out very fast...it's rather depressing...I really don't want $1000 in bills not including food and gas or entertainment!!!!!!! So when can I win the lottery...I'll take care of my friends!!! I put a lot of money into good causes!!! What more could the world ask for huh?
In other mundane news: A more content w/ life spiralriding would be very excited that she is moving into a house w/ very cool girls by the weekend. And would also be able to see a few more positives...