re-centering
I'm taking an unscheduled day off today.
I've been volunteering as a summer camp/internship program at Pyramid Atlantic and it's been keeping me kinda busy. Also my brother was in town this past week which was a little stressful. Also I have a new boyfriend. Also I've been without my computer for the past two weeks.
So yeah, my boyfriend is amazing and he loves me and I love him.
However, being in love makes you kind of stupid.
Last night I stayed out at his house wayyy too late and it negatively impacted the things I wanted to do today. Hopefully it won't happen again. The problem is we get so excited about seeing each other that we kind of force each other together without a clear plan of time so things get pear-shaped. When we plan it out though things go pretty well.
OK, so Freaky Fairytales Party. I spent about 2 days making a ridiculous costume which ripped once I put it on at the club. However it was wearable and I didn't look a complete mess; I made a cage dress with these trailing tentacles in purple and black, I was Ursula, the sea witch.
It took us forever to get to the party. We thought it would be packed, but it was comfortable when we got there, not too many people at all. We did a scene with the lacing table (which was awesome!) then I hung out in my costume for a bit, but it as almost impossible to sit in, so I got out of it pretty quick. Brian wanted us to kind of mingle, but there wasn't really that kind of atmosphere that night. There was this initiation ritual that was going on with bloodcupping and sutures and the shrieks of pain didn't really make for a conversational environment.
We went to a private room after the scene. I was nervous about that, so I asked that we change the sheets a second time (when you walk in the sheets are supposed to be fresh ones cause you put new ones on when you finish). So Brian had suggested that we practice ties.
This is where I got a little stupid. Like there are "code" words Brian uses that sometimes I don't interpret and just take at face value. When he says he wants to make me "feel good" he means he wants to give me an orgasm, the thing is, neither one of us needs to have an orgasm to "feel good." I enjoy scenes where I don't have an orgasm, and he takes a really long time to come and I usually can't give a sensation strong enough to get that point, but he still enjoys playing with me anyway. He also asked about how comfortable I was "in public" which didn't make any sense since I had just been half naked for a scene in the main room, so I should have understood that he wanted to have sex.
Anyway, he tied up my wrists, then he cuffed me, then he put some fingers in me (with latex gloves, not the best sensation, I'll make sure to have hand sanitizer next time) and then he penetrated me. I enjoyed it. It was a little scary though and he didn't really ask. I had allowed oral sex and penetration with fingers before, but hadn't given permission for intercourse. I feel bad because I liked that the decision was taken from me when I really should have decided beforehand how far I was ready to go. Sex is great, but it really isn't that big a deal now that I have done it. I really don't feel like I want it anymore than I did before I didn't have it (which I means I desire it but I feel much more addicted to love rather than sex). Brian always asks about anal, and i have refused twice, I like to have a saltwater flush beforehand so that I am clean. My eating habits aren't the best right now and I don't care much for enemas.
What I do like, and what I did ask for was to give Brian a blowjob. I love giving blowjobs. I tried doing it with the condom on and it was just no good, I have to be able to taste his skin to really enjoy it. I really love the feeling of his penis in my mouth, saliva and everything all over my face it feels so wonderfully dirty and like I'm claimed. That worries me, cause I really like doing it, alot; but Brian and I are in an open relationship and while he has only two partners including me, his other partner has multiple partners which means I don't know what's going in my mouth. I never thought I would have issues against using protection, but I guess it is more important to be safe than to feel good. Can you guys recommend any condoms that are good for oral sex?
After that we did it again, and it was kind of painful for me. He was going to pull out but I kept him from doing it until I came again. I think it'll be easier to get him to orgasm with anal sex, ugh, I'll just keep trying.
After that we did some more ties and then it was getting real late so we headed home. I got to sleep with Brian (like actually sleep), but it was only for an hour. We got up and I watched him have breakfast, and then I drove home.
So anyway I needed to word-dump all that because I haven't had a moment away from my family or work or Brian in what seems like ages and I just need to gush and be the me that I am when I'm alone.
I feel like I have a ton more to say cause I haven't written in so long, but I've got to stop. My laptop should be back with me tomorrow and then I can get back to normal.
postscript: Brian isn't really a jerk or anything, he just forgot that I hadn't had sex before. Afterwards when he remembered he said there should have been a bed of rose petals. I'm glad I didn't make a big deal out of my being a virgin in that case, because a first time with rose petals would have been pretty embarrassing.
I've been volunteering as a summer camp/internship program at Pyramid Atlantic and it's been keeping me kinda busy. Also my brother was in town this past week which was a little stressful. Also I have a new boyfriend. Also I've been without my computer for the past two weeks.
So yeah, my boyfriend is amazing and he loves me and I love him.
However, being in love makes you kind of stupid.
Last night I stayed out at his house wayyy too late and it negatively impacted the things I wanted to do today. Hopefully it won't happen again. The problem is we get so excited about seeing each other that we kind of force each other together without a clear plan of time so things get pear-shaped. When we plan it out though things go pretty well.
OK, so Freaky Fairytales Party. I spent about 2 days making a ridiculous costume which ripped once I put it on at the club. However it was wearable and I didn't look a complete mess; I made a cage dress with these trailing tentacles in purple and black, I was Ursula, the sea witch.
It took us forever to get to the party. We thought it would be packed, but it was comfortable when we got there, not too many people at all. We did a scene with the lacing table (which was awesome!) then I hung out in my costume for a bit, but it as almost impossible to sit in, so I got out of it pretty quick. Brian wanted us to kind of mingle, but there wasn't really that kind of atmosphere that night. There was this initiation ritual that was going on with bloodcupping and sutures and the shrieks of pain didn't really make for a conversational environment.
We went to a private room after the scene. I was nervous about that, so I asked that we change the sheets a second time (when you walk in the sheets are supposed to be fresh ones cause you put new ones on when you finish). So Brian had suggested that we practice ties.
This is where I got a little stupid. Like there are "code" words Brian uses that sometimes I don't interpret and just take at face value. When he says he wants to make me "feel good" he means he wants to give me an orgasm, the thing is, neither one of us needs to have an orgasm to "feel good." I enjoy scenes where I don't have an orgasm, and he takes a really long time to come and I usually can't give a sensation strong enough to get that point, but he still enjoys playing with me anyway. He also asked about how comfortable I was "in public" which didn't make any sense since I had just been half naked for a scene in the main room, so I should have understood that he wanted to have sex.
Anyway, he tied up my wrists, then he cuffed me, then he put some fingers in me (with latex gloves, not the best sensation, I'll make sure to have hand sanitizer next time) and then he penetrated me. I enjoyed it. It was a little scary though and he didn't really ask. I had allowed oral sex and penetration with fingers before, but hadn't given permission for intercourse. I feel bad because I liked that the decision was taken from me when I really should have decided beforehand how far I was ready to go. Sex is great, but it really isn't that big a deal now that I have done it. I really don't feel like I want it anymore than I did before I didn't have it (which I means I desire it but I feel much more addicted to love rather than sex). Brian always asks about anal, and i have refused twice, I like to have a saltwater flush beforehand so that I am clean. My eating habits aren't the best right now and I don't care much for enemas.
What I do like, and what I did ask for was to give Brian a blowjob. I love giving blowjobs. I tried doing it with the condom on and it was just no good, I have to be able to taste his skin to really enjoy it. I really love the feeling of his penis in my mouth, saliva and everything all over my face it feels so wonderfully dirty and like I'm claimed. That worries me, cause I really like doing it, alot; but Brian and I are in an open relationship and while he has only two partners including me, his other partner has multiple partners which means I don't know what's going in my mouth. I never thought I would have issues against using protection, but I guess it is more important to be safe than to feel good. Can you guys recommend any condoms that are good for oral sex?
After that we did it again, and it was kind of painful for me. He was going to pull out but I kept him from doing it until I came again. I think it'll be easier to get him to orgasm with anal sex, ugh, I'll just keep trying.
After that we did some more ties and then it was getting real late so we headed home. I got to sleep with Brian (like actually sleep), but it was only for an hour. We got up and I watched him have breakfast, and then I drove home.
So anyway I needed to word-dump all that because I haven't had a moment away from my family or work or Brian in what seems like ages and I just need to gush and be the me that I am when I'm alone.
I feel like I have a ton more to say cause I haven't written in so long, but I've got to stop. My laptop should be back with me tomorrow and then I can get back to normal.
postscript: Brian isn't really a jerk or anything, he just forgot that I hadn't had sex before. Afterwards when he remembered he said there should have been a bed of rose petals. I'm glad I didn't make a big deal out of my being a virgin in that case, because a first time with rose petals would have been pretty embarrassing.