Ten Years
Once a year, I look back at old entries. Each annual flashback is an attempt to put my life into perspective. Nowhere else do I have such tangible evidence of my past self's hopes, dreams, fears, and failures. Livejournal is the best indication I have of my own progression, each post a marker of maturation.
By nature, this site is now rooted in its past. Up against the immediacy of newsfeeds and tweets, the most crucial feature Livejournal posts can offer is a lifespan. Each post functions as an archived thought, rather than a current one. This site is meant to be read in the future, not right now.
I think of my past posts as cries for help directed at my future self. I find myself apologizing to my past self for not fulfilling its dreams, for not being where it wanted to be. More than anything though, I feel reassured. I may not have ended up on my desired path, but found myself on an even better one.
I will end with this. Not many people are fortunate enough to know exactly where they were and what they were thinking 10 years ago. I am. That's why I'm starting my Livejournal again. I'm not writing for my own sake, but for the sake of 35-year-old Paolo, who just might need a little perspective 10 years from now.
Love,
Paolo
P.S. Exactly 10 years ago, on March 31, 2003, these are things I wrote:
"after many days away from you, i have finally come up with an idea/thought/opinion worth noting... a public service announcement..."
"i may be premature in saying this, but im NOT GOING TO A GOOD COLLEGE"
"this is my goal, and it's been my ONLY GOAL besides getting a phd in psychology when i grow up..."
"i want there to be a reason for going to a school...a reason to be educated...cause right now, there is none...and most importantly, in the middle of all these conflicts coming at me together...i want to make sure that i have a reason to fucking try"
By nature, this site is now rooted in its past. Up against the immediacy of newsfeeds and tweets, the most crucial feature Livejournal posts can offer is a lifespan. Each post functions as an archived thought, rather than a current one. This site is meant to be read in the future, not right now.
I think of my past posts as cries for help directed at my future self. I find myself apologizing to my past self for not fulfilling its dreams, for not being where it wanted to be. More than anything though, I feel reassured. I may not have ended up on my desired path, but found myself on an even better one.
I will end with this. Not many people are fortunate enough to know exactly where they were and what they were thinking 10 years ago. I am. That's why I'm starting my Livejournal again. I'm not writing for my own sake, but for the sake of 35-year-old Paolo, who just might need a little perspective 10 years from now.
Love,
Paolo
P.S. Exactly 10 years ago, on March 31, 2003, these are things I wrote:
"after many days away from you, i have finally come up with an idea/thought/opinion worth noting... a public service announcement..."
"i may be premature in saying this, but im NOT GOING TO A GOOD COLLEGE"
"this is my goal, and it's been my ONLY GOAL besides getting a phd in psychology when i grow up..."
"i want there to be a reason for going to a school...a reason to be educated...cause right now, there is none...and most importantly, in the middle of all these conflicts coming at me together...i want to make sure that i have a reason to fucking try"