the whiter shade of black 1/2
Title: the whiter shade of black
Author: ajin
Pairing: Jiho/Kyung, Jaehyo/Kyung, OT7
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Romance, Friendship
Word Count: 8,656
Summary: One person turns Kyung's world upside down and forces him to reassess his life.
Author's Note of Doom: This has been boiling inside of me for almost 2 months. Somehow, it became rather personal and hence I clung to each word even more than usually. However, I guess it's time to stop rewriting or I'm really going to burst.
Special thanks to a few people on my tlist who kept me going with this, especially Jemmy :3
It starts out ordinarily enough. He barely wakes up on time and it’s only the judging stare of his mother that makes him take a shower. As always there’s at least one dog that tries to throw him off his bike while he turns into the main street parallel to the one he lives on. This time he’s speeding so much he almost runs over an elderly lady too. Same old.
Ever since university started (almost 4 months ago), his days have been boringly predictable. He wakes up at the same time, has classes at the same time, studies at the same time and even parties exactly on the same days every week. The last time something truly exciting happened was when his best friend Jiho decided that studying art in Japan was his calling and moved away. In the meantime, Kyung ended up in New Zealand among the weirdest people that have ever graced the earth. Jiho still insists on saying that any wild streak Kyung has, is their fault. He disagrees but inside he’s not so sure. He doesn’t remember being so horribly cheesy and shameless before. But that was in high school.
It’s been a while since he arrived at the university before class started. The classroom is half empty and so much more quiet than usual. For once, there are a few people sitting at the front too. He takes a better look and realizes that one of them is his best friend, although definitely not alone. There’s a boy with him, all long limbs and awkward smiles. He takes a step forward but freezes when Jiho laughs at whatever the other boy has just said. It takes him a split second to turn around and stalk off towards the nearest seat. He doesn’t understand why but suddenly there’s tension in his shoulders. His hands feel much too empty as well so he takes out a random pencil from his bag and starts mindlessly toying with it. The unnamed boy leans a bit closer to Jiho and places his hand on Jiho’s thigh. Kyung looks down at his desk and tries to focus his attention on the intricate designs drawn on it with a black pen. However, he can’t concentrate on anything and looks up almost immediately. It’s as if his eyes had a life on their own.
The sound is deafening. He can only stare dumbly as the pencil breaks into two and the upper part flies into the air. It falls perfectly on Jiho’s head, crashes to the floor and rolls under the desks making the evidence of his crime disappear.
When Jiho turns around, Kyung’s staring at the broken part of the pencil that he’s still clutching in his hand. Still, he notices Jiho looking from the corner of his eye but does absolutely nothing to acknowledge it. He expects him to come over anyway and finally say something but is ignored. His hand unconsciously tightens around the pencil. There’s something dark and black seeping through his pores. It’s strange but familiar at the same time; fills his veins and blocks away all the sounds. It seems to be everywhere around and it scares Kyung. He drops the broken pencil to the ground and reaches for a new one from his bag. Once he straightens up, the professor is already checking attendance.
The class just before lunch is an elaborate form of torture. He’s fine until the last 30 minutes. Afterwards, all he can focus his attention on is the possible menu for lunch. He could as well walk out at that point, not that his professor would be pleased with such behavior.
He barely manages to get out of the classroom before someone tackles him from behind. His elbow moves on sheer reflex and a muffled cry of pain follows his actions.
“What the fuck Kyung?”
His mood lightens up immediately.
“Who told you to assault me, you idiot.”
Hanhae just laughs and puts his arm around Kyung’s shoulders.
“So any reason you were so attentive in class today? Even poking you with a pen was unsuccessful.”
“It was you?! Can’t you learn to keep your hands to yourself?”
Kyung tries to wriggle himself out of his friend’s arms but only ends up being squeezed more.
“Nah, ladies like my wandering hands very much. Anyway, Jiho said he’s gonna save a table for us in the cafeteria so let’s move our asses. I’m hungry.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“Jiho did?”
Hanhae stops and looks at him hard.
“Dude, you sure you didn’t hit your head today?”
“What are you talking about? Of course not. Let’s go.”
He sneakily (or so he thinks) takes the seat that’s farthest away from Jiho. He tells himself that everything is ok and it’s normal to change seats once in a while but isn’t persuaded. Lunch isn’t the best time to think about one’s own feelings though so he suppresses them and instead tries to concentrate on not flinching every time Jiho looks straight at him.
He quickly learns that the tall boy’s name is Jaehyo and he shares a few classes with him and Jiho even though he’s two years older. Kyung introduces himself and smiles throughout the conversation but wishes to be anywhere but here. The boy is too tall, too pretty, and too feminine for his taste. He imagines himself digging a hole in the other’s face with a pencil every time he fixes his fringe. He absolutely can’t comprehend why Jiho would even want to chat up someone like Jaehyo. Still, it looks like he’s alone in his dislike; even Minhyuk and Taeil who don’t talk that much to people they’re not friends with seem to have taken an immediate liking to the new boy. Minhyuk, jokingly saying that he lost his pretty boy status in the group now, makes a few of his blood vessels almost burst.
A hand on his thigh interrupts his trail of thoughts. Hanhae is leaning towards him and saying something he can’t hear.
“What did you say?”
“Do you have something against the pretty boy over there?”
“What gave you this idea?”
Hanhae rolls his eyes in an exaggerated fashion.
“Maybe you being all spaced-out and glaring at him?”
“I just have a lot on my mind...”
He hears Hanhae snort.
“You’re so full of shit, it’s splendid,” he pats Kyung and moves back. “At least tone down with those glares.”
He relaxes the moment Jaehyo excuses himself. He doesn’t like the look Jiho is giving him too much though. And since they share the next class, there’s no way he can manage to escape unnoticed. As expected, Jiho corners him as soon as they’re left alone in the hallway.
“Why are you being such a douche?”
Kyung sighs.
“I don’t like him.”
“At least give him a chance.”
“Don’t want to.”
“Why? Getting territorial again?”
“What?!”
“Look, your position as my best friend isn’t in danger-”
“This has nothing to do with this.”
“Please, we both know it has everything to do with you behaving like a gigantic douche towards a guy you don’t even know.”
There’s nothing he can say in retort so he looks at the ground and tries to kick an imaginary pebble.
“Just give him a chance, ok?”
“Yeah...ok.”
He knows that starting a fight would be pointless. He can’t remember ever winning one when it was with Jiho after all.
He really tries to be civil the following days. In fact, he tries so hard that even Hanhae leaves him alone. Still, his nose starts itching the moment Jaehyo’s face comes into his sight. And Jaehyo has become a permanent fixture during lunch so Kyung wishes his nose would dematerialize every freaking day. The umpteenth time he was trying to scratch a hole in it, Jiho said he might have rabies and suggested he put a peg on it. Jaehyo’s shy smile did something to his stomach that he likes to think was a sudden urge to vomit. Hanhae and Minhyuk had a laughing fit but Kyung resorted to kicking Jiho regularly under the table to shut him before he could utter anything stupid again.
Nevertheless, his patience proves to be short-lived. He explodes not even 2 weeks after they met. Ever since Jaehyo glued himself to Jiho’s side, Kyung has been sitting on the other side of the table. It’s way too early in his book to be sitting anywhere closer to the annoying git. Consequently, he has a splendid view on anything his friends do. During that particular lunch Jaehyo must have decided that personal space between him and Jiho is an obstacle that needs to be removed as soon as possible. Kyung tried calming down, he really did. At first, only his left eye was twitching. Then, his plate became the most interesting thing in the whole cafeteria. However, Jaehyo whispering constantly to Jiho makes his knee bump into the table out of reflex. Hanhae looks at him with a big question mark written all over his face. Kyung has moved onto breathing in and out at that point though. He turns to Jiho to ask him a question but all his best friend can focus on is limited to the end of the chair next to him. Kyung sees red and it’s a train-wreck.
“Why are you sitting with us anyway, Jaehyo? You’ve been here for 2 years more than we have. Don’t you have other friends?”
The silence is so thick and heavy that cutting it with a knife would be child’s play. Everyone seems to be looking straight at him, except for Jaehyo who clearly wishes he was anywhere but here. Somehow Kyung doesn’t feel all that victorious for being the one to cause this. However, it’s three sentences too late for remorse.
“You can be such a rude jerk sometimes.”
Jiho’s voice sounds like shouting even though it’s all calm, tight words. He’s spared from having to say anything himself by the bell a few seconds later, though he doesn’t feel relieved.
He gets silent treatment from Jiho for the rest of the day. He can bet that even walking straight into his friend wouldn’t earn him a quick glance. In a way, he thinks it’s unneeded for he already feels like the biggest douche in the history of the world. Still, although it’d seem impossible, Jiho is successful at making him feel even worse.
There’s a sea in front of him. All red. Deep crimson red. The waves are trashing around his legs.
He’s standing in the sea ankles-deep. When he tries to move, he realizes that it’s too sticky to be water. It clings to him like a second skin. He hesitatingly dips his hands in it. It drips down. Big, fat drops. One by one as if in a perfect line. Red like blood. Sticky, red blood.
It gurgles and raises. Forms faces. They come closer and closer. Expanding like balloons being filled with helium. Closer. Closer.
The blood on his hands starts burning. Skin scorching and melting. He’s shaking. The faces explode.
He wakes up to the sun trying to burn a hole in his face. He must have forgotten to close the blinds before going to bed.
He lets out the breath which he didn’t realize he has been holding. Still, he looks at his hands and legs with hesitation. Nothing is out of ordinary but he gets flashbacks of the dream the whole day.
Jiho coming to his place in the evening the next day is by far the most unexpected thing. He was certain that it’d take at least a week for anyone to start talking to him.
At first, he just stares dumbly at Jiho and only lets him in when the other raises an eyebrow all amused. He feels awkward, as if his skin was too loose or bones misplaced. And there’s a sea of guilt trashing against the walls of his home and pooling around him in waves. He takes a deep breath.
“I’m sorry.”
Jiho looks at him as if he said something funny.
“It’s not me you should be apologizing to.”
“I know...”
“Can’t you think twice before you say anything? You’ve been nicer even to Hanhae when you first met him and you supposedly hated his guts.”
“I can’t help it. He makes me want to punch babies.”
Jiho shakes his head.
“I’ve told you already. You don’t even know him. For fuck’s sake, just have a chat with him alone or something. Lose all this ridiculous tension!”
“What if I don’t?”
“Are you trying to ask me if I would chose you over him? Really, Kyung? Really?!”
“No, no I’m not..I..”
“You’re what?”
“I’ll talk to him about this, ok?”
Jiho sighs and pats him on the shoulder.
“Man, why am I friends with you again?”
“Cause no one else wanted to get close to you when you were a kid, of course.”
“I was the popular kid. What are you even saying. Now go and get dressed. We’re going out.”
“Going out?”
“Are you suffering from amnesia now too? The party Hanhae invited us to? Rings any bells?”
“Oh.”
“Exactly, you don’t want to disappoint him by not showing up.”
Kyung isn’t sure if disappointing Hanhae isn’t the way to go. No party goes without the other trying to hook him up, doesn’t matter if he’s single or not. He doesn’t even consider hoping that this time will be different. Miracles don’t grow on trees in his garden, they aren’t apples.
It takes exactly 5 minutes and 37 seconds. He counted. Hanhae is loud and invades his personal space constantly even though he’s not yet drunk. Kyung has a nagging feeling that today may get out of control quickly. By the time Hanhae is wasted, he has introduced him to five girls. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate his friend’s help in trying to get him laid but he would prefer a bit more privacy. One girl catches his eye though and he manages to get her number even with Hanhae taking to planking on his lap. Still, she disappears soon afterwards.
He starts eyeing the bottle of beer in his hands a bit more carefully when some random chick decides that she has to get into his pants. She’s clingy and too touchy and her boobs are almost in his face. It’s not even sexy. He has standards. The bottle looks hard enough to knock her out. He’s not one to use violence but so far things like “I’m not interested”, “You’re ugly”, “Get your slutty hands away” had absolutely no effect.
When he notices Jaehyo going towards him, he almost shoots up from his seat. He’s all over him in seconds and pushes them out of the doors leading to the backyard. They are left completely alone. He actually lies down on the grass in relief.
He hears Jaehyo laugh.
“You must have been enjoying the company you had there greatly.”
“You have no idea. It’s not like I can help being such a chick magnet though.”
Jaehyo just laughs louder and Kyung can’t help but smile a bit himself.
“Hanhae was right. You’re really full of shit.”
“Hanhae is a dumb fuck. No good comes from listening to him.”
“Sure and you only spend all possible time with him.”
“That’s cause Jiho has no time lately.”
Kyung decides that biting his tongue would have been a better reply. Jaehyo looks awkward again and the tension becomes thick in a blink of an eye. He stands up and takes a deep breath.
“Look...I-”
It’s harder than he has ever thought it would be. Still, he knows that he can’t pretend nothing has happened.
“I’m really sorry for what I said last time. I didn’t mean it. Well, actually...I just...I don’t know why but I can’t make myself like you.”
Jaehyo’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I’ve noticed. It’s ok.”
“No, it’s not. I wanna start again.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Seems like saving you from evil hoes does the trick?”
He feels as if the air suddenly became lighter. If he was less stubborn, he’d have probably genuinely smiled.
“Yeah. Yeah, it does.”
They go back to the party after a few more minutes. Kyung tries to ignore looking at Hanhae who’s making out quite passionately and shamelessly with some girl on a couch. His hand under her skirt is going to give him nightmares for next few weeks. He barely suppresses a scream and latches himself at Jaehyo’s arm when he notices Minhyuk being all over some guy whose smile seems to literally sparkle. The last time he checked Minhyuk was very straight and definitely not single. The complete lack of Taeil is rather worrying as well. Last time he disappeared, he got drunk beyond belief and ended up in bed with two girls. Kyung was only a bit jealous. Only a bit.
He won’t lie that he doesn’t expect Jiho to pop up wearing a tutu and dancing to Britney Spears by that point. Luckily enough Jiho does not only wear no tutu, he also appears to be sober. Actually, he takes it back. Jiho may not be shitfaced but his clinging is out of this world and suggests fairly advanced tipsiness. Jaehyo teases him about being a prude and generally has jolly good time while Kyung tries to unglue himself from Jiho.
“Kyungggggggggggggg! Where are you going?! Don’t leave me alone! Don’t you love me anymore?!”
Kyung takes back everything he thought once again. Jiho is certainly past the drunk point. Hanhae isn’t a good person to compare others to in terms of their level of soberness after all.
Once he’s free, he hides himself behind Jaehyo. Jiho says something about wanting to cry and retreats to the kitchen. Surprisingly, it makes Kyung feel a bit lonely. He’s sure he never wanted Jiho all over him, definitely not when drunk. Nevertheless, he can’t help but wish Jiho didn’t leave.
His feelings must have shown on his face because Jaehyo asks him if he’s ok.
“Yeah, I think I’m just a bit tired, is all.”
He curses everything in sight. Waking up with a headache and being half-blind from sleepiness isn’t exactly how he likes his Monday mornings. It’s a miracle he doesn’t just fall down the stairs while on the way to the kitchen. His mother isn’t fazed and hands him a glass of water and some painkillers. He tries to eat something too but it’s a lost battle. Resigned, he decides to just get dressed and go to uni.
His mood improves the moment he spots Jiho sprawled all over his desk and Jaehyo nodding off next to him. If only Hanhae came to uni today, his whole week would have probably been made. Hanhae never turns up after the big, crazy parties he throws in his house though. Kyung thinks it’s a reasonable decision, getting that drunk must be hell the next day.
He collapses onto the chair next to Jaehyo and startles him awake. Jiho groans, turning to the other side.
“Aren’t you one ray of sunshine today, Kyung.”
“Not my fault you drunk yourself silly yesterday.”
“You could have stopped me?”
“What? Dude, are you even aware of what you’re saying?”
Jaehyo gives him a glare-wannabe.
“Can you two just shut up?! I’m trying to sleep here...”
Kyung laughs and makes himself more comfortable in his seat.
“But of course, princess. I’ll even cover for you during attendance check.”
For whatever reason, Jaehyo decides to sit next to him during the lunch break. Consequently, Jiho chokes not-so-subtly on his juice. Minhyuk and Taeil seem unfazed though. Minhyuk probably because he’s more interested in staring at his new boy toy Yukwon and Taeil because...well...he’s mighty hangover-ed. Kyung can’t comprehend why his friend didn’t follow Hanhae’s example. It may be a bad one most of the time but today it would have benefited Taeil greatly.
He doesn’t care much about the situation himself. Jaehyo’s pretty-boy-fringe-touching-up swag still makes him want to poke his eyes out with a fork but otherwise he finds his company acceptable. It’s a bonus that Kyung enjoys making Jiho jealous as well.
All good things must come to an end, even the semi-friendship of Kyung and Jaehyo. There’s a limited amount of jealousy Kyung can handle on a daily basis. He knows that one of Jiho’s classes has been requiring an inhuman amount of work lately but still blames Jaehyo for Jiho’s utter lack of time. It’s enough to spark a fire with even a bit of provocation.
They’ve been hanging out quite often, just the three of them. Kyung usually has an hour or 2 left before he needs to go to his part-time job. It’s only twice a week and for no more than five hours but the pay is good enough. He would never ask for more anyway because dusting old vinyl records and having a chat with an occasion customer shouldn’t even be called a job.
He feels a bit like some exotic decoration today. Jiho and Jaehyo are discussing something he has absolutely no idea about, the perks of them sharing an art class. It’s so bad that he literally hasn’t said a word since they started. He’s been shooting Jiho meaningful glares too but the other doesn’t appear to care. It makes him discover that he has a wolf cub living in his chest. It’s still small and defenceless. Nevertheless, it’s roaring and pacing around, agitated. Kyung can’t tame it. His better judgment is already switched off too because Jeahyo’s face looks like world’s finest punching bag.
“You’re gonna be late.”
He turns around and notices Minhyuk standing next to his car.
“Is it 4 already?”
“Yes. So you’d better move your ass. I have things to do today as well.”
He quickly says goodbye to Jiho and Jaehyo. Minhyuk, being the good friend he is, has offered to drop him off to work and been doing it since the academic year started. Kyung didn’t get his driver’s license yet so it’s a blessing.
“I see you still have problems with Jaehyo.”
“Of course I don’t! It’s a thing of the past.”
“Kyung, it’s written all over your face. I can bet anything that if I were late, you’d have beaten him up.”
Kyung sighs and looks at his hands.
“Jiho doesn’t really spend much time with me anymore.”
“You know he’s been busy.”
“Yeah, with Jaehyo.”
“Kyung...”
“What?!”
“Do you really think he’s trying to replace you? Jaehyo likes you more than he likes Jiho.”
Kyung does a double take.
“Excuse me?”
Minhyuk can’t help but laugh.
“Ah, you’re so blind. The guy does practically everything he can not to piss you off and every time you smile at him, he seems to be on cloud nine.”
“Lies.”
“Believe whatever you want.”
He starts paying a bit more attention to Jaehyo after the conversation with Minhyuk. It goes so far that Hanhae calls it Kyung’s biggest obsession. He can’t stop himself though, for he desperately wants to prove Minhyuk wrong.
It takes him less than a week to find out that the other was right. Not that it changes anything. When Kyung is stubborn, he is stubborn. Even a near-death experience wouldn’t be able to beat sense into him. So he stares at Jaehyo without saying a word until the other starts squirming. It never crosses his mind that he might be sending mixed signals. He can be really oblivious, not that he’d ever admit that.
It seems that his tactic is successful, although not in the way he predicted. Jiho comes over uninvited one fine evening. Kyung thinks about not letting him in because he’s feeling a bit spiteful. Jiho tells him that he is going to sit in front of his room for as long as it takes, in retort. It only adds oil to fire and they end up sulking on their respective side of the door.
“Are you going to play the victim forever?”
“Why? You’re already giving up?”
“How childish can you get?”
“I’m not childish and I’m not playing the victim!”
Jiho snorts.
“Oh really? Then what are you doing right now? For me it looks like nothing but irrational self-pity.”
“Fuck you!”
“Very mature indeed.”
“Why are you here anyway?! Jaehyo didn’t have time for you?”
He hears Jiho standing up. He’s dumbfounded when his friend resorts to kicking the doors open, successfully at that.
“Why are you such a dumb bitch sometimes?! You’re my best friend and not Jaehyo!”
“I wouldn’t be able to tell...”
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m busy with uni?! I wish I could spend more time with you guys, I really do.”
Jiho sits down on his couch and motions for Kyung to do the same.
“Look, I came cause I wanted to tell you something and not to listen to your jealousy fits.”
“It’s not a jealou-”
“I’m serious. My professor asked me to help in an art project he’s doing. I’ll have less time than before. Probably won’t be able to join you during lunch even.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I was surprised myself. I’m going to take him up on this though. Parents insist that it’ll look great on my CV.”
“Am I the first one to hear about this?”
Kyung looks straight at Jiho.
“Yes. Yes, you are.”
“Good.”
“So no jealousy fits until I’m done, ok?”
“What jealousy fits. For fuck’s sake Jiho, I don’t have-”
“Blah, blah, blah. I can’t hear you.”
Kyung glares at him for good measure but caves in.
“Fine. I will behave.”
It’s easier said than done. He may appear calm but inside he’s a mess. Not seeing Jiho for days makes him so irritated that he snaps at anything anyone says. He feels impossibly empty as well. The reason isn’t too important. It seems weird for it all to be caused by the fact that Jiho isn’t around. Still, he doesn’t dwell on it. He just wants the feelings to go away. Now.
He flips his phone open and starts looking through his contacts. As expected, he did save the number of the random girl he met the last time he went out with the guys. It’s been a while but he really doesn’t have anything to lose so he sends her a quick text. He can try calling one of his ex-girlfriends if nothing works. His dignity is secondary to the burning desire to nip the strange, wild creature growing in his chest in the bud. He has death glared Jaehyo for just talking to Hanhae the day before and even for him that’s beyond ridiculous. He’s fed up with Hanhae tip-toeing around him now as if he’s afraid too. Yukwon trying to calm him down while smiling in the absurdly sunny way of his almost resulted in Kyung throwing his plate onto the floor. It’s worse than anything he has ever had to go through, even New Zealand was heaven on earth compared.
He chokes on his tea when he gets a text not even half an hour later. It’s easier than he thought it’d ever be. It should make him happy but he’s still bitter. Maybe he really have been single for too long.
She’s as he remembered her. Long, straight hair, pretty eyes, slender legs, typically older than him. A bit too perfect in the small coffee shop they meet in. Kyung smiles. It’s not even that forced because her voice is soft like marshmallows and her eyes sparkle with overly contagious happiness. His world dims for a second and she’s the only thing he can see. Maybe that’s enough.
Hanhae is annoying. It’s a fact everyone is aware of but Kyung can’t stress it enough. Abso-fucking-lutely annoying. He’s sure that one day his head will explode into millions of tiny confetti because of it all.
His friend has been not-so-subtly following him, probably since he got out of uni. Kyung didn’t really have to try to notice him. It’d be hard to miss someone walking a mere metre behind, being louder than an elephant.
He stops abruptly and turns around. They almost collide.
“Why are you acting like I’m going to bite your head off if you talk to me?”
“Well...”
Kyung feels nasty bile rise inside. It prickles his skin and he wishes he could just peel it off.
“Never thought I’d see you speechless,” he says through clenched teeth.
“I just...Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m peachy. Why are you asking?”
Hanhae looks confused for what might just be the first time in his life.
“Sorry.”
“We’ve known each other for nearly 8 years. You’ve never said that you’re sorry either.”
“What do you want me to say then?”
“Just act normal!”
“Was it that evident?”
“Yes. So I’m going to elbow you again if you keep trailing me like I’m a serial killer. I’m fine. Honest.”
Hanhae smirks.
“Did you get a girlfriend?”
“What? No!”
“Oh, then you went on a date. I see.”
“Don’t jump to conclusions-”
Hanhae’s hand on his mouth is uninvited. He seriously considers kicking his friend for invading his personal space. He has been selfish for long enough though, so he bites him instead and runs away.
“You stupid grease pot! You’re dead when I catch you!”
Jiho texts him later the same day. It’s too dark outside for him to read anything and he can’t be bothered to switch on the light. Hanhae caught him in span of minutes. The slowly emerging bruises are uncontested evidence. Still, he feels lighter, as if someone took excessive baggage off his shoulders. He can breathe properly for the first time since Jiho disappeared from his daily life. So he puts his phone away. He doesn’t even mind that his backpack is still held hostage by Hanhae. It’s fine.
He intertwines their fingers. They fit perfectly. It’s effortless and so familiar. Safe.
The first time they kiss, they’re on a river shore. The sun is setting and it couldn’t be more perfect. Her voice is a soothing melody making the wolf cub in his chest immobile. Her eyes could make him drown. It’s all he has on his mind-how much closer he can get, how much more he wants. The need rising inside him and threatening to overflow.
There are no fireworks. The shade the sun leaves is ordinary. It’s ok.
Kyung narrows his eyes. Jaehyo smiles his trademark awkward smile and sits next to him. Minhyuk and Hanhae are giggling like teenage girls on crack, watching them while ostentatiously whispering to each other. He thinks about putting his fork to good use again. He has no idea what made Jaehyo decide that he’s suddenly safe either. Everyone has clearly gone mad.
“Kyung…”
He jumps. Jaehyo is too close, his breath tickling his neck and making his fingers clench.
“Y-y-yeah?”
“Jiho was asking about you. He’s been texting you but you never reply.”
“Oh.”
He looks down at his hands. It’s to be expected but he didn’t think Jaehyo would bother to tell him this. The other leans closer.
“Just text him back.”
“Why should I?”
Jaehyo’s eyes widen and he abruptly moves away.
“I…i-isn’t he your best friend?”
Kyung groans. It’s ridiculous. This conversation shouldn’t even be happening. He wants to stand up and leave. He stays still though, for even without looking, he can feel Hanhae giving him the death glare.
“Yes. Yes, he is. I’ll text him when I will.”
“Ok…”
“Aren’t you being too hard on him?”
“Shouldn’t you be worried about your boy toy instead?”
Minhyuk just shrugs and looks back at the road.
“Jaehyo has been nothing but nice to you.”
“And you feel the need to tell me this because?”
“Sometimes I think you let your emotions cloud your better judgement. Do you think about what you do any more? Do you even know what you want?”
Kyung swallows heavily. His throat constricts and the walls glue themselves together. Although his mouth is open, no words are able to come out.
“That’s your problem. You say you’ll try but in the end you speak before thinking. Being spontaneous isn’t always a good thing. Give him some credit. And stop acting like Jiho has became your enemy.”
“I’m really selfish, huh?”
“No, you’re just being stupid. Get your shit together and it’ll be fine.”
“Has Jiho been texting you too?”
Minhyuk’s expression is blank.
“Dude, he only ever texts me to ask about you. And may I add, it’s because you feel it’s better to avoid him.”
“I-”
“It’s fine to be possessive but don’t go overboard, ok? Text him back.”
Kyung wonders if he’s that easy to read. Maybe his friends are just too perceptive or maybe he really is oblivious to other people’s feelings. He’s never wanted to be anything but a good friend. Clearly he’s become the resident jerk.
Kyung checks his phone. There are 10 unread messages and all are from Jiho. He can only curse. It’s fine to be distracted but that’s pushing it.
Can we at least meet? I have time today after 5 pm. Come over.
By the time he reaches Jiho’s house, he’s breathing so heavily that anyone would think he run a marathon. The truth is that his best friend lives no more than a kilometre away. Nevertheless, he almost collapses onto the doormat after ringing the bell.
He looks up only to find Jiho staring at him with an ugly smirk.
“My, my, did you run all the way here?”
“Maybe…”
“You must be getting old.”
He laughs and helps Kyung stand up. They go into the kitchen in utter silence. Kyung can’t think of anything to say. There’s too much he wants to share all at once. It causes chaos in his head.
“I’m not going to bite you, you know?”
“I know…”
“Have you done something stupid?”
“Huh?”
“Oh god, Kyung don’t tell me you lost your tongue.”
Kyung unconsciously shifts closer to Jiho. He doesn’t necessary want to talk. He’s missed Jiho’s presence, it’s always been a constant, dependable thing in his life. It takes him aback how happy he would be just listening to the other’s breath.
“How is you project going?”
“It’s fine. I’ll be finishing soon. High time, to be honest. I can’t look at brushes without wanting to murder someone any more.”
The silence falls back into place. He hopes his friend will understand but Jiho isn’t good with empty spaces and unsaid words.
“What have you been up to anyway?”
“Pardon?”
“You didn’t bother to text me back. You must have had a reason.”
“Not really…”
“Is it a girl?”
Kyung blinks. How on earth does everyone realize it so quickly is beyond him. It’s not as if he had written it in bold letters on his forehead. His friends couldn’t have seen him with her either. They don’t visit that particular part of town.
“Hanhae told me you’ve been acting weird and you only ever ignore me when you’re in love.”
“I’m not in love.”
“But you have a girlfriend, right?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Good. I can forgive you for ignoring me if you were getting laid instead.”
Kyung giggles. Trust Jiho to be shameless. At least that didn’t change.
He kicks Jiho’s chair and sleepily rubs his eyes.
“Move. It’s my place.”
“Fuck you. It’s too early. I don’t care.”
“Jiho.”
“Kyung.” Jiho mimics with an identical whine. “Just sit next to Jaehyo. I’m not moving. You’ll survive the lecture either way.”
“Fine,” he huffs.
Jaehyo fidgets in his seat. Kyung can’t blame him though. He’s been working real hard at alienating him again after all.
“You shouldn’t have let Jiho take advantage of you.”
“What?”
“With the art project? You should have left him alone. He won’t give you any credit. He’s too much of a selfish bitch.”
“Says who,” Jiho spits back.
“It’s fine, really. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have helped him.”
“Oh? I bet he must have blackmailed you. Why would you readily subject yourself to dealing with Jiho while he’s in his annoying artist mood?”
“It’s not that bad,” Jaehyo says while trying to suppress a smile.
“Lies. The last time he asked me to help him mix the paint, he shouted at me for good 30 minutes just because I added too much white. Hanhae helped him transport the gigantic canvas to school and afterwards swore to move away if Jiho ever asked anything of him again.”
“Well…he did chase me with his pink scissors around the house after I folded the paper a millimetre too close to the right side.”
“The hello kitty scissors?”
“Yeah.”
He chuckles.
“Wow Jiho. Didn’t you get those in 3rd grade of elementary school?”
“Shut up, you two! I have these scissors with me and I won’t hesitate to use them!”
He tries harder this time. The wolf cub is growing slowly, feeding off any negative emotions he may have. It’s hiding and waiting. Kyung can never be sure if it won’t attack. Wild animals are unpredictable and the one he’s involuntary rising is made of anger.
The table is half-empty. Hanhae and Taeil are off studying. Not your everyday kind of thing, at least when Hanhae is concerned. Yukwon haven’t been showing up in general and Minhyuk seems pretty fascinated by his notes. He doesn’t even look up when he and Jaehyo sit down. He wonders if he should say anything. Still, he knows that Minhyuk will talk to him of his own accord if he feels the need to discuss his problems. Maybe it’s not even that bad. After all Minhyuk hasn’t officially broken up with his girlfriend. He and Yukwon hasn’t been going out either. It’s not his friend’s typical behaviour but who is he to judge.
Jiho has disappeared right after class without saying a word. Kyung didn’t feel like waiting for him. Although a few months ago he’d have preferred to take extra math classes than go anywhere with Jaehyo, he doesn’t mind now. Sometimes he’ll catch himself staring at the other for a bit too long. Still, it’s nothing serious and Jaehyo is pretty so it’s natural…should be…He really doesn’t see the need to analyze his actions too deeply. Jaehyo isn’t the only person he likes looking at.
Jiho forcefully squeezes himself in-between him and Jaehyo. He groans. They rarely get the chance to talk, not to mention manage to hold a civil conversation. There’s no need for Jiho to constantly butt in.
“Jiho! Your elbow is currently murdering my essay! Move!”
“Why so serious?”
Kyung narrows his eyes.
“I need to hand it in today, you idiot. My professor doesn’t appreciate random creases.”
“Ok, Ok.”
Jiho pushes the chair to the side. Kyung swears that every possible hair he has rises. It’s oppressing because Jiho’s thigh is touching his and there’s no space to breath. They’re almost perfectly pressed together. He feels dizzy, as if it were a sensory overload. He bites his cheek and counts down to 10. Anything to start thinking straight again.
He can’t stay still. There’s a cloud following him whenever he goes. It’s heavy with buried thoughts and uncomfortable memories, slowly but surely making raindrops fall down.
“Don’t think too much.”
Her voice brings him back into reality. He didn’t even realize how badly he’s been spacing out.
“I’ve been told I think too little.”
“It all depends on the situation. Torturing yourself with the same thoughts over and over again doesn’t do anyone any good.”
“How am I supposed to know how to act then?”
“No one knows. You can only take a more or less calculated guess.”
“That’s not helpful at all.”
“You’re not supposed to be perfect though.”
“What if I seem to always be mistaken?”
“Maybe you’re just looking at things from the wrong perspective? Try putting yourself in other people’s shoes?”
She presses her lips to his cheek.
“Stay the night.”
It’s sudden and his surprise must show. She laughs.
“There’s no innuendo included. A change of scenery might do you good.”
He nods. Not that he’s good at keeping his hands to himself around girls. Hanhae taught him too well.
“Do I have something on my face?”
Kyung is genuinely concerned. Jiho has been staring at him with an unreadable expression for past few hours, almost as if he was trying to decipher how Kyung has changed since the last time they saw each other. The thing is that he’s absolutely the same. Even his clothes are probably the same, he’s lazy when he’s not being forced to dress up.
Jiho slides into his chair and knocks the breath out of him with his bony elbow.
“Do you want a magnifying loop to have an even better view maybe?
“I’m fine.”
“I don’t have any breathing space left?”
“So?”
Kyung narrows his eyes.
“So? What are we, 5? Why are you inspecting me?!”
“No reason really.”
He rolls his eyes and stands up. It’s so abrupt that Jiho barely manages to grab the edge of the table in order not to fall.
“Great. I’m going though so I guess you’ll have to find a new victim.”
Jiho stops him when he’s on his way home. He still looks at him with unmasked curiosity but leaves his personal bubble alone, which is dandy since Kyung has been feeling queasy having his friend too close. It’s nothing major, of course. He blames their prolonged separation.
They walk in silence. It’s unnerving because Jiho looks like he really wants to ask him something. Kyung hates when people beat around the bush. Who does such illogical behaviour even benefit?
“Spill the beans!”
“Huh?”
“What is it that you want to know?”
“Uhm...well...Why haven’t you introduced your girlfriend to me yet?”
“What? Is it necessary?”
“You’ve been going out for some time already. You must be serious about her, right?”
“Maybe...”
“Then why not introduce her to me? I know all your ex-girlfriends.”
“I don’t feel the need to.”
“Are you for real? Is she ok with that?”
“Don’t worry about it, ok? You’ll meet her sooner or later anyway.”
“Fine.”
“Is it? You sound like you’re sulking.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not! Forget it.”
Jiho calls him 2 days later. It’s Friday night so Kyung pretty much can predict where this conversation will go.
“Are you free tomorrow night?”
“What’s the occasion? Or rather, is there one?”
“Guys said that we need to celebrate my return to having a social life.”
“You mean Hanhae took advantage of the situation?”
“Yeah, exactly. So?”
“I don’t know, Jiho.”
“Hanhae promised me that he won’t try to hook you up. Come on, let’s get drunk together. We haven’t been out in ages.”
“...”
“Kyunggggggggg.”
“Will he really leave me alone?”
“Yes! I swear!”
He sighs.
“What time?”
The house is so packed that it’s a fight just to get past the entrance. He has no idea who’s throwing the party but he doesn’t envy all the cleaning up they will have to do. He’d probably move out more readily. Ever since the fresher’s week’s party that Hanhae organized, he wasn’t able to sit on his couch in the living room without remembering all the bodily fluids they found the day after.
He turns around and realizes that Jaehyo and Jiho are nowhere to be seen. He groans. They left him just like this, without saying even a word. It’s not as if he came here willingly. Jiho should have at least kept him company for a while. Clearly Jaehyo was more important though and Kyung has never hated him more.
He decides to just walk around and look for something to drink. It’s a few steps later that he hears Hanhae’s loud voice. Trust the idiot to make himself noticed wherever he goes. There are 2 people with him and they seem familiar. Kyung goes straight towards them.
It turns out that Hanhae made Jihoon and Mino tag along. He hasn’t seen them in what seems like forever. Nevertheless, catching up with them becomes impossible a few minutes later when Jihoon starts getting excited about something Kyung has no idea about (the only word he can make out is ‘hyung’). His explosive aegyo joins the display soon enough and Kyung wishes his head would stop trying to burst. Everything appears to be too much and he starts retreating the moment he notices the cosy looking coach at the back of the living room. Not that either Jihoon or Mino mind his behaviour since they resort to chatting up random girls closer to the bar.
He’s downing what is probably his sixth drink when he notices Jiho staggering drunkenly in his direction. He flops heavily on the couch right next to him and looks up with a shit-eating grin that’s stretching his face to an uncomfortable degree. Kyung pokes him experimentally in the side. Instead of being brutally murdered on the spot, he only gets a giggle in response. That’s enough for him to assess just how gone Jiho is.
“Hello there princess,” drawls Jiho.
Kyung decides that he must be rather tipsy himself for he’s still not facepalming. He spots an open beer in Jiho’s hand and slowly tries to take it away before his wasted friend spills it on both of them.
“I see you’re not one to wait,” Jiho says while looking dreamily at his face. “You have such pretty eyes, princess.”
He feels an overwhelming need to run away when Jiho starts inching towards him. He moves towards the other end of the couch but is quickly trapped between the armrest and the other boy.
“Erhm...Can you maybe give me some space?”
“Not really, I like it here.”
Kyung swallows heavily and looks away. Jiho is sprawled all over his lap, all warm and solid. He can feel Jiho’s breath tickling his neck and his stomach doing somersaults. Trying to shift and escape only results in them coming closer. He can hear Jiho sigh and then the music and the overwhelming noise of the party fade into the background because for whatever reason Jiho is kissing him as if there’s nothing else that’s important in this time and space. It’s too unexpected, too surreal, too breathtaking and too everything for his head is spinning in circles, all around some orbit it created for itself. He has no idea what he’s doing either because he’s clearly kissing back. It seems like five seconds is his preferable amount of time for making sane decisions. He has to stifle a laugh when he thinks how proud Hanhae would be for him going with the flow for once. Not that he has much liberty to think about anything more. Jiho bites him hard and licks at the wound and presses closer and...oh, that felt nice. He decides to just focus on the sensations and save feeling guilty for the next day. Jiho moves to his neck but it’s slow and deliberate. Kyung’s fingers seem to have their own ideas too. They scratch and pull. There’s a void where the wild creature used to reside in his chest. It feels as if someone cut it open and forgot to stitch the wound afterwards, the invisible blood gushing everywhere. For a split second he wonders if maybe the cut goes all the way until his spinal cord, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. A voice at the back of his head seems to agree, especially now when he’s completely not in control of his actions. Just wanting more and more. Even though it’s not the best kiss of his life. It’s way too messy to be anywhere near.
Jiho’s hands start inching closer to his pants. There’s probably an alarm going off in his head but he ignores it and lets the other pull down the zipper.
“Oh here you are, Jiho. Weren’t you supposed to-Oh.”
Jaehyo’s voice is like a bucket of cold water being poured over every inch of his body. He knows he will be thankful for the distraction later on but right now he wants to punch him in his pretty face so hard it leaves him unrecognizable.
Jiho, on the other hand, isn’t bothered. He continues to tug at Kyung’s jeans without sparing Jaehyo even a glance. Kyung yelps and tries his best to stop him. Still, Jiho is determined. Kyung decides he has no other choice and reaches for the beer can he took from Jiho earlier. Then, he successfully knocks his friend out.
The left-over beer lands perfectly on his and Jaehyo’s face. It’s so warm that it tastes like piss when Kyung tries to lick some of it off. Nevertheless, the look of utter horror on Jaehyo’s face is enough of a compensation.
| Część 2
Author: ajin
Pairing: Jiho/Kyung, Jaehyo/Kyung, OT7
Rating: R
Genre: AU, Romance, Friendship
Word Count: 8,656
Summary: One person turns Kyung's world upside down and forces him to reassess his life.
Author's Note of Doom: This has been boiling inside of me for almost 2 months. Somehow, it became rather personal and hence I clung to each word even more than usually. However, I guess it's time to stop rewriting or I'm really going to burst.
Special thanks to a few people on my tlist who kept me going with this, especially Jemmy :3
It starts out ordinarily enough. He barely wakes up on time and it’s only the judging stare of his mother that makes him take a shower. As always there’s at least one dog that tries to throw him off his bike while he turns into the main street parallel to the one he lives on. This time he’s speeding so much he almost runs over an elderly lady too. Same old.
Ever since university started (almost 4 months ago), his days have been boringly predictable. He wakes up at the same time, has classes at the same time, studies at the same time and even parties exactly on the same days every week. The last time something truly exciting happened was when his best friend Jiho decided that studying art in Japan was his calling and moved away. In the meantime, Kyung ended up in New Zealand among the weirdest people that have ever graced the earth. Jiho still insists on saying that any wild streak Kyung has, is their fault. He disagrees but inside he’s not so sure. He doesn’t remember being so horribly cheesy and shameless before. But that was in high school.
It’s been a while since he arrived at the university before class started. The classroom is half empty and so much more quiet than usual. For once, there are a few people sitting at the front too. He takes a better look and realizes that one of them is his best friend, although definitely not alone. There’s a boy with him, all long limbs and awkward smiles. He takes a step forward but freezes when Jiho laughs at whatever the other boy has just said. It takes him a split second to turn around and stalk off towards the nearest seat. He doesn’t understand why but suddenly there’s tension in his shoulders. His hands feel much too empty as well so he takes out a random pencil from his bag and starts mindlessly toying with it. The unnamed boy leans a bit closer to Jiho and places his hand on Jiho’s thigh. Kyung looks down at his desk and tries to focus his attention on the intricate designs drawn on it with a black pen. However, he can’t concentrate on anything and looks up almost immediately. It’s as if his eyes had a life on their own.
The sound is deafening. He can only stare dumbly as the pencil breaks into two and the upper part flies into the air. It falls perfectly on Jiho’s head, crashes to the floor and rolls under the desks making the evidence of his crime disappear.
When Jiho turns around, Kyung’s staring at the broken part of the pencil that he’s still clutching in his hand. Still, he notices Jiho looking from the corner of his eye but does absolutely nothing to acknowledge it. He expects him to come over anyway and finally say something but is ignored. His hand unconsciously tightens around the pencil. There’s something dark and black seeping through his pores. It’s strange but familiar at the same time; fills his veins and blocks away all the sounds. It seems to be everywhere around and it scares Kyung. He drops the broken pencil to the ground and reaches for a new one from his bag. Once he straightens up, the professor is already checking attendance.
The class just before lunch is an elaborate form of torture. He’s fine until the last 30 minutes. Afterwards, all he can focus his attention on is the possible menu for lunch. He could as well walk out at that point, not that his professor would be pleased with such behavior.
He barely manages to get out of the classroom before someone tackles him from behind. His elbow moves on sheer reflex and a muffled cry of pain follows his actions.
“What the fuck Kyung?”
His mood lightens up immediately.
“Who told you to assault me, you idiot.”
Hanhae just laughs and puts his arm around Kyung’s shoulders.
“So any reason you were so attentive in class today? Even poking you with a pen was unsuccessful.”
“It was you?! Can’t you learn to keep your hands to yourself?”
Kyung tries to wriggle himself out of his friend’s arms but only ends up being squeezed more.
“Nah, ladies like my wandering hands very much. Anyway, Jiho said he’s gonna save a table for us in the cafeteria so let’s move our asses. I’m hungry.”
He raises an eyebrow.
“Jiho did?”
Hanhae stops and looks at him hard.
“Dude, you sure you didn’t hit your head today?”
“What are you talking about? Of course not. Let’s go.”
He sneakily (or so he thinks) takes the seat that’s farthest away from Jiho. He tells himself that everything is ok and it’s normal to change seats once in a while but isn’t persuaded. Lunch isn’t the best time to think about one’s own feelings though so he suppresses them and instead tries to concentrate on not flinching every time Jiho looks straight at him.
He quickly learns that the tall boy’s name is Jaehyo and he shares a few classes with him and Jiho even though he’s two years older. Kyung introduces himself and smiles throughout the conversation but wishes to be anywhere but here. The boy is too tall, too pretty, and too feminine for his taste. He imagines himself digging a hole in the other’s face with a pencil every time he fixes his fringe. He absolutely can’t comprehend why Jiho would even want to chat up someone like Jaehyo. Still, it looks like he’s alone in his dislike; even Minhyuk and Taeil who don’t talk that much to people they’re not friends with seem to have taken an immediate liking to the new boy. Minhyuk, jokingly saying that he lost his pretty boy status in the group now, makes a few of his blood vessels almost burst.
A hand on his thigh interrupts his trail of thoughts. Hanhae is leaning towards him and saying something he can’t hear.
“What did you say?”
“Do you have something against the pretty boy over there?”
“What gave you this idea?”
Hanhae rolls his eyes in an exaggerated fashion.
“Maybe you being all spaced-out and glaring at him?”
“I just have a lot on my mind...”
He hears Hanhae snort.
“You’re so full of shit, it’s splendid,” he pats Kyung and moves back. “At least tone down with those glares.”
He relaxes the moment Jaehyo excuses himself. He doesn’t like the look Jiho is giving him too much though. And since they share the next class, there’s no way he can manage to escape unnoticed. As expected, Jiho corners him as soon as they’re left alone in the hallway.
“Why are you being such a douche?”
Kyung sighs.
“I don’t like him.”
“At least give him a chance.”
“Don’t want to.”
“Why? Getting territorial again?”
“What?!”
“Look, your position as my best friend isn’t in danger-”
“This has nothing to do with this.”
“Please, we both know it has everything to do with you behaving like a gigantic douche towards a guy you don’t even know.”
There’s nothing he can say in retort so he looks at the ground and tries to kick an imaginary pebble.
“Just give him a chance, ok?”
“Yeah...ok.”
He knows that starting a fight would be pointless. He can’t remember ever winning one when it was with Jiho after all.
He really tries to be civil the following days. In fact, he tries so hard that even Hanhae leaves him alone. Still, his nose starts itching the moment Jaehyo’s face comes into his sight. And Jaehyo has become a permanent fixture during lunch so Kyung wishes his nose would dematerialize every freaking day. The umpteenth time he was trying to scratch a hole in it, Jiho said he might have rabies and suggested he put a peg on it. Jaehyo’s shy smile did something to his stomach that he likes to think was a sudden urge to vomit. Hanhae and Minhyuk had a laughing fit but Kyung resorted to kicking Jiho regularly under the table to shut him before he could utter anything stupid again.
Nevertheless, his patience proves to be short-lived. He explodes not even 2 weeks after they met. Ever since Jaehyo glued himself to Jiho’s side, Kyung has been sitting on the other side of the table. It’s way too early in his book to be sitting anywhere closer to the annoying git. Consequently, he has a splendid view on anything his friends do. During that particular lunch Jaehyo must have decided that personal space between him and Jiho is an obstacle that needs to be removed as soon as possible. Kyung tried calming down, he really did. At first, only his left eye was twitching. Then, his plate became the most interesting thing in the whole cafeteria. However, Jaehyo whispering constantly to Jiho makes his knee bump into the table out of reflex. Hanhae looks at him with a big question mark written all over his face. Kyung has moved onto breathing in and out at that point though. He turns to Jiho to ask him a question but all his best friend can focus on is limited to the end of the chair next to him. Kyung sees red and it’s a train-wreck.
“Why are you sitting with us anyway, Jaehyo? You’ve been here for 2 years more than we have. Don’t you have other friends?”
The silence is so thick and heavy that cutting it with a knife would be child’s play. Everyone seems to be looking straight at him, except for Jaehyo who clearly wishes he was anywhere but here. Somehow Kyung doesn’t feel all that victorious for being the one to cause this. However, it’s three sentences too late for remorse.
“You can be such a rude jerk sometimes.”
Jiho’s voice sounds like shouting even though it’s all calm, tight words. He’s spared from having to say anything himself by the bell a few seconds later, though he doesn’t feel relieved.
He gets silent treatment from Jiho for the rest of the day. He can bet that even walking straight into his friend wouldn’t earn him a quick glance. In a way, he thinks it’s unneeded for he already feels like the biggest douche in the history of the world. Still, although it’d seem impossible, Jiho is successful at making him feel even worse.
There’s a sea in front of him. All red. Deep crimson red. The waves are trashing around his legs.
He’s standing in the sea ankles-deep. When he tries to move, he realizes that it’s too sticky to be water. It clings to him like a second skin. He hesitatingly dips his hands in it. It drips down. Big, fat drops. One by one as if in a perfect line. Red like blood. Sticky, red blood.
It gurgles and raises. Forms faces. They come closer and closer. Expanding like balloons being filled with helium. Closer. Closer.
The blood on his hands starts burning. Skin scorching and melting. He’s shaking. The faces explode.
He wakes up to the sun trying to burn a hole in his face. He must have forgotten to close the blinds before going to bed.
He lets out the breath which he didn’t realize he has been holding. Still, he looks at his hands and legs with hesitation. Nothing is out of ordinary but he gets flashbacks of the dream the whole day.
Jiho coming to his place in the evening the next day is by far the most unexpected thing. He was certain that it’d take at least a week for anyone to start talking to him.
At first, he just stares dumbly at Jiho and only lets him in when the other raises an eyebrow all amused. He feels awkward, as if his skin was too loose or bones misplaced. And there’s a sea of guilt trashing against the walls of his home and pooling around him in waves. He takes a deep breath.
“I’m sorry.”
Jiho looks at him as if he said something funny.
“It’s not me you should be apologizing to.”
“I know...”
“Can’t you think twice before you say anything? You’ve been nicer even to Hanhae when you first met him and you supposedly hated his guts.”
“I can’t help it. He makes me want to punch babies.”
Jiho shakes his head.
“I’ve told you already. You don’t even know him. For fuck’s sake, just have a chat with him alone or something. Lose all this ridiculous tension!”
“What if I don’t?”
“Are you trying to ask me if I would chose you over him? Really, Kyung? Really?!”
“No, no I’m not..I..”
“You’re what?”
“I’ll talk to him about this, ok?”
Jiho sighs and pats him on the shoulder.
“Man, why am I friends with you again?”
“Cause no one else wanted to get close to you when you were a kid, of course.”
“I was the popular kid. What are you even saying. Now go and get dressed. We’re going out.”
“Going out?”
“Are you suffering from amnesia now too? The party Hanhae invited us to? Rings any bells?”
“Oh.”
“Exactly, you don’t want to disappoint him by not showing up.”
Kyung isn’t sure if disappointing Hanhae isn’t the way to go. No party goes without the other trying to hook him up, doesn’t matter if he’s single or not. He doesn’t even consider hoping that this time will be different. Miracles don’t grow on trees in his garden, they aren’t apples.
It takes exactly 5 minutes and 37 seconds. He counted. Hanhae is loud and invades his personal space constantly even though he’s not yet drunk. Kyung has a nagging feeling that today may get out of control quickly. By the time Hanhae is wasted, he has introduced him to five girls. It’s not that he doesn’t appreciate his friend’s help in trying to get him laid but he would prefer a bit more privacy. One girl catches his eye though and he manages to get her number even with Hanhae taking to planking on his lap. Still, she disappears soon afterwards.
He starts eyeing the bottle of beer in his hands a bit more carefully when some random chick decides that she has to get into his pants. She’s clingy and too touchy and her boobs are almost in his face. It’s not even sexy. He has standards. The bottle looks hard enough to knock her out. He’s not one to use violence but so far things like “I’m not interested”, “You’re ugly”, “Get your slutty hands away” had absolutely no effect.
When he notices Jaehyo going towards him, he almost shoots up from his seat. He’s all over him in seconds and pushes them out of the doors leading to the backyard. They are left completely alone. He actually lies down on the grass in relief.
He hears Jaehyo laugh.
“You must have been enjoying the company you had there greatly.”
“You have no idea. It’s not like I can help being such a chick magnet though.”
Jaehyo just laughs louder and Kyung can’t help but smile a bit himself.
“Hanhae was right. You’re really full of shit.”
“Hanhae is a dumb fuck. No good comes from listening to him.”
“Sure and you only spend all possible time with him.”
“That’s cause Jiho has no time lately.”
Kyung decides that biting his tongue would have been a better reply. Jaehyo looks awkward again and the tension becomes thick in a blink of an eye. He stands up and takes a deep breath.
“Look...I-”
It’s harder than he has ever thought it would be. Still, he knows that he can’t pretend nothing has happened.
“I’m really sorry for what I said last time. I didn’t mean it. Well, actually...I just...I don’t know why but I can’t make myself like you.”
Jaehyo’s smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I’ve noticed. It’s ok.”
“No, it’s not. I wanna start again.”
“You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Seems like saving you from evil hoes does the trick?”
He feels as if the air suddenly became lighter. If he was less stubborn, he’d have probably genuinely smiled.
“Yeah. Yeah, it does.”
They go back to the party after a few more minutes. Kyung tries to ignore looking at Hanhae who’s making out quite passionately and shamelessly with some girl on a couch. His hand under her skirt is going to give him nightmares for next few weeks. He barely suppresses a scream and latches himself at Jaehyo’s arm when he notices Minhyuk being all over some guy whose smile seems to literally sparkle. The last time he checked Minhyuk was very straight and definitely not single. The complete lack of Taeil is rather worrying as well. Last time he disappeared, he got drunk beyond belief and ended up in bed with two girls. Kyung was only a bit jealous. Only a bit.
He won’t lie that he doesn’t expect Jiho to pop up wearing a tutu and dancing to Britney Spears by that point. Luckily enough Jiho does not only wear no tutu, he also appears to be sober. Actually, he takes it back. Jiho may not be shitfaced but his clinging is out of this world and suggests fairly advanced tipsiness. Jaehyo teases him about being a prude and generally has jolly good time while Kyung tries to unglue himself from Jiho.
“Kyungggggggggggggg! Where are you going?! Don’t leave me alone! Don’t you love me anymore?!”
Kyung takes back everything he thought once again. Jiho is certainly past the drunk point. Hanhae isn’t a good person to compare others to in terms of their level of soberness after all.
Once he’s free, he hides himself behind Jaehyo. Jiho says something about wanting to cry and retreats to the kitchen. Surprisingly, it makes Kyung feel a bit lonely. He’s sure he never wanted Jiho all over him, definitely not when drunk. Nevertheless, he can’t help but wish Jiho didn’t leave.
His feelings must have shown on his face because Jaehyo asks him if he’s ok.
“Yeah, I think I’m just a bit tired, is all.”
He curses everything in sight. Waking up with a headache and being half-blind from sleepiness isn’t exactly how he likes his Monday mornings. It’s a miracle he doesn’t just fall down the stairs while on the way to the kitchen. His mother isn’t fazed and hands him a glass of water and some painkillers. He tries to eat something too but it’s a lost battle. Resigned, he decides to just get dressed and go to uni.
His mood improves the moment he spots Jiho sprawled all over his desk and Jaehyo nodding off next to him. If only Hanhae came to uni today, his whole week would have probably been made. Hanhae never turns up after the big, crazy parties he throws in his house though. Kyung thinks it’s a reasonable decision, getting that drunk must be hell the next day.
He collapses onto the chair next to Jaehyo and startles him awake. Jiho groans, turning to the other side.
“Aren’t you one ray of sunshine today, Kyung.”
“Not my fault you drunk yourself silly yesterday.”
“You could have stopped me?”
“What? Dude, are you even aware of what you’re saying?”
Jaehyo gives him a glare-wannabe.
“Can you two just shut up?! I’m trying to sleep here...”
Kyung laughs and makes himself more comfortable in his seat.
“But of course, princess. I’ll even cover for you during attendance check.”
For whatever reason, Jaehyo decides to sit next to him during the lunch break. Consequently, Jiho chokes not-so-subtly on his juice. Minhyuk and Taeil seem unfazed though. Minhyuk probably because he’s more interested in staring at his new boy toy Yukwon and Taeil because...well...he’s mighty hangover-ed. Kyung can’t comprehend why his friend didn’t follow Hanhae’s example. It may be a bad one most of the time but today it would have benefited Taeil greatly.
He doesn’t care much about the situation himself. Jaehyo’s pretty-boy-fringe-touching-up swag still makes him want to poke his eyes out with a fork but otherwise he finds his company acceptable. It’s a bonus that Kyung enjoys making Jiho jealous as well.
All good things must come to an end, even the semi-friendship of Kyung and Jaehyo. There’s a limited amount of jealousy Kyung can handle on a daily basis. He knows that one of Jiho’s classes has been requiring an inhuman amount of work lately but still blames Jaehyo for Jiho’s utter lack of time. It’s enough to spark a fire with even a bit of provocation.
They’ve been hanging out quite often, just the three of them. Kyung usually has an hour or 2 left before he needs to go to his part-time job. It’s only twice a week and for no more than five hours but the pay is good enough. He would never ask for more anyway because dusting old vinyl records and having a chat with an occasion customer shouldn’t even be called a job.
He feels a bit like some exotic decoration today. Jiho and Jaehyo are discussing something he has absolutely no idea about, the perks of them sharing an art class. It’s so bad that he literally hasn’t said a word since they started. He’s been shooting Jiho meaningful glares too but the other doesn’t appear to care. It makes him discover that he has a wolf cub living in his chest. It’s still small and defenceless. Nevertheless, it’s roaring and pacing around, agitated. Kyung can’t tame it. His better judgment is already switched off too because Jeahyo’s face looks like world’s finest punching bag.
“You’re gonna be late.”
He turns around and notices Minhyuk standing next to his car.
“Is it 4 already?”
“Yes. So you’d better move your ass. I have things to do today as well.”
He quickly says goodbye to Jiho and Jaehyo. Minhyuk, being the good friend he is, has offered to drop him off to work and been doing it since the academic year started. Kyung didn’t get his driver’s license yet so it’s a blessing.
“I see you still have problems with Jaehyo.”
“Of course I don’t! It’s a thing of the past.”
“Kyung, it’s written all over your face. I can bet anything that if I were late, you’d have beaten him up.”
Kyung sighs and looks at his hands.
“Jiho doesn’t really spend much time with me anymore.”
“You know he’s been busy.”
“Yeah, with Jaehyo.”
“Kyung...”
“What?!”
“Do you really think he’s trying to replace you? Jaehyo likes you more than he likes Jiho.”
Kyung does a double take.
“Excuse me?”
Minhyuk can’t help but laugh.
“Ah, you’re so blind. The guy does practically everything he can not to piss you off and every time you smile at him, he seems to be on cloud nine.”
“Lies.”
“Believe whatever you want.”
He starts paying a bit more attention to Jaehyo after the conversation with Minhyuk. It goes so far that Hanhae calls it Kyung’s biggest obsession. He can’t stop himself though, for he desperately wants to prove Minhyuk wrong.
It takes him less than a week to find out that the other was right. Not that it changes anything. When Kyung is stubborn, he is stubborn. Even a near-death experience wouldn’t be able to beat sense into him. So he stares at Jaehyo without saying a word until the other starts squirming. It never crosses his mind that he might be sending mixed signals. He can be really oblivious, not that he’d ever admit that.
It seems that his tactic is successful, although not in the way he predicted. Jiho comes over uninvited one fine evening. Kyung thinks about not letting him in because he’s feeling a bit spiteful. Jiho tells him that he is going to sit in front of his room for as long as it takes, in retort. It only adds oil to fire and they end up sulking on their respective side of the door.
“Are you going to play the victim forever?”
“Why? You’re already giving up?”
“How childish can you get?”
“I’m not childish and I’m not playing the victim!”
Jiho snorts.
“Oh really? Then what are you doing right now? For me it looks like nothing but irrational self-pity.”
“Fuck you!”
“Very mature indeed.”
“Why are you here anyway?! Jaehyo didn’t have time for you?”
He hears Jiho standing up. He’s dumbfounded when his friend resorts to kicking the doors open, successfully at that.
“Why are you such a dumb bitch sometimes?! You’re my best friend and not Jaehyo!”
“I wouldn’t be able to tell...”
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m busy with uni?! I wish I could spend more time with you guys, I really do.”
Jiho sits down on his couch and motions for Kyung to do the same.
“Look, I came cause I wanted to tell you something and not to listen to your jealousy fits.”
“It’s not a jealou-”
“I’m serious. My professor asked me to help in an art project he’s doing. I’ll have less time than before. Probably won’t be able to join you during lunch even.”
“What?”
“Yeah. I was surprised myself. I’m going to take him up on this though. Parents insist that it’ll look great on my CV.”
“Am I the first one to hear about this?”
Kyung looks straight at Jiho.
“Yes. Yes, you are.”
“Good.”
“So no jealousy fits until I’m done, ok?”
“What jealousy fits. For fuck’s sake Jiho, I don’t have-”
“Blah, blah, blah. I can’t hear you.”
Kyung glares at him for good measure but caves in.
“Fine. I will behave.”
It’s easier said than done. He may appear calm but inside he’s a mess. Not seeing Jiho for days makes him so irritated that he snaps at anything anyone says. He feels impossibly empty as well. The reason isn’t too important. It seems weird for it all to be caused by the fact that Jiho isn’t around. Still, he doesn’t dwell on it. He just wants the feelings to go away. Now.
He flips his phone open and starts looking through his contacts. As expected, he did save the number of the random girl he met the last time he went out with the guys. It’s been a while but he really doesn’t have anything to lose so he sends her a quick text. He can try calling one of his ex-girlfriends if nothing works. His dignity is secondary to the burning desire to nip the strange, wild creature growing in his chest in the bud. He has death glared Jaehyo for just talking to Hanhae the day before and even for him that’s beyond ridiculous. He’s fed up with Hanhae tip-toeing around him now as if he’s afraid too. Yukwon trying to calm him down while smiling in the absurdly sunny way of his almost resulted in Kyung throwing his plate onto the floor. It’s worse than anything he has ever had to go through, even New Zealand was heaven on earth compared.
He chokes on his tea when he gets a text not even half an hour later. It’s easier than he thought it’d ever be. It should make him happy but he’s still bitter. Maybe he really have been single for too long.
She’s as he remembered her. Long, straight hair, pretty eyes, slender legs, typically older than him. A bit too perfect in the small coffee shop they meet in. Kyung smiles. It’s not even that forced because her voice is soft like marshmallows and her eyes sparkle with overly contagious happiness. His world dims for a second and she’s the only thing he can see. Maybe that’s enough.
Hanhae is annoying. It’s a fact everyone is aware of but Kyung can’t stress it enough. Abso-fucking-lutely annoying. He’s sure that one day his head will explode into millions of tiny confetti because of it all.
His friend has been not-so-subtly following him, probably since he got out of uni. Kyung didn’t really have to try to notice him. It’d be hard to miss someone walking a mere metre behind, being louder than an elephant.
He stops abruptly and turns around. They almost collide.
“Why are you acting like I’m going to bite your head off if you talk to me?”
“Well...”
Kyung feels nasty bile rise inside. It prickles his skin and he wishes he could just peel it off.
“Never thought I’d see you speechless,” he says through clenched teeth.
“I just...Are you ok?”
“Yes, I’m peachy. Why are you asking?”
Hanhae looks confused for what might just be the first time in his life.
“Sorry.”
“We’ve known each other for nearly 8 years. You’ve never said that you’re sorry either.”
“What do you want me to say then?”
“Just act normal!”
“Was it that evident?”
“Yes. So I’m going to elbow you again if you keep trailing me like I’m a serial killer. I’m fine. Honest.”
Hanhae smirks.
“Did you get a girlfriend?”
“What? No!”
“Oh, then you went on a date. I see.”
“Don’t jump to conclusions-”
Hanhae’s hand on his mouth is uninvited. He seriously considers kicking his friend for invading his personal space. He has been selfish for long enough though, so he bites him instead and runs away.
“You stupid grease pot! You’re dead when I catch you!”
Jiho texts him later the same day. It’s too dark outside for him to read anything and he can’t be bothered to switch on the light. Hanhae caught him in span of minutes. The slowly emerging bruises are uncontested evidence. Still, he feels lighter, as if someone took excessive baggage off his shoulders. He can breathe properly for the first time since Jiho disappeared from his daily life. So he puts his phone away. He doesn’t even mind that his backpack is still held hostage by Hanhae. It’s fine.
He intertwines their fingers. They fit perfectly. It’s effortless and so familiar. Safe.
The first time they kiss, they’re on a river shore. The sun is setting and it couldn’t be more perfect. Her voice is a soothing melody making the wolf cub in his chest immobile. Her eyes could make him drown. It’s all he has on his mind-how much closer he can get, how much more he wants. The need rising inside him and threatening to overflow.
There are no fireworks. The shade the sun leaves is ordinary. It’s ok.
Kyung narrows his eyes. Jaehyo smiles his trademark awkward smile and sits next to him. Minhyuk and Hanhae are giggling like teenage girls on crack, watching them while ostentatiously whispering to each other. He thinks about putting his fork to good use again. He has no idea what made Jaehyo decide that he’s suddenly safe either. Everyone has clearly gone mad.
“Kyung…”
He jumps. Jaehyo is too close, his breath tickling his neck and making his fingers clench.
“Y-y-yeah?”
“Jiho was asking about you. He’s been texting you but you never reply.”
“Oh.”
He looks down at his hands. It’s to be expected but he didn’t think Jaehyo would bother to tell him this. The other leans closer.
“Just text him back.”
“Why should I?”
Jaehyo’s eyes widen and he abruptly moves away.
“I…i-isn’t he your best friend?”
Kyung groans. It’s ridiculous. This conversation shouldn’t even be happening. He wants to stand up and leave. He stays still though, for even without looking, he can feel Hanhae giving him the death glare.
“Yes. Yes, he is. I’ll text him when I will.”
“Ok…”
“Aren’t you being too hard on him?”
“Shouldn’t you be worried about your boy toy instead?”
Minhyuk just shrugs and looks back at the road.
“Jaehyo has been nothing but nice to you.”
“And you feel the need to tell me this because?”
“Sometimes I think you let your emotions cloud your better judgement. Do you think about what you do any more? Do you even know what you want?”
Kyung swallows heavily. His throat constricts and the walls glue themselves together. Although his mouth is open, no words are able to come out.
“That’s your problem. You say you’ll try but in the end you speak before thinking. Being spontaneous isn’t always a good thing. Give him some credit. And stop acting like Jiho has became your enemy.”
“I’m really selfish, huh?”
“No, you’re just being stupid. Get your shit together and it’ll be fine.”
“Has Jiho been texting you too?”
Minhyuk’s expression is blank.
“Dude, he only ever texts me to ask about you. And may I add, it’s because you feel it’s better to avoid him.”
“I-”
“It’s fine to be possessive but don’t go overboard, ok? Text him back.”
Kyung wonders if he’s that easy to read. Maybe his friends are just too perceptive or maybe he really is oblivious to other people’s feelings. He’s never wanted to be anything but a good friend. Clearly he’s become the resident jerk.
Kyung checks his phone. There are 10 unread messages and all are from Jiho. He can only curse. It’s fine to be distracted but that’s pushing it.
Can we at least meet? I have time today after 5 pm. Come over.
By the time he reaches Jiho’s house, he’s breathing so heavily that anyone would think he run a marathon. The truth is that his best friend lives no more than a kilometre away. Nevertheless, he almost collapses onto the doormat after ringing the bell.
He looks up only to find Jiho staring at him with an ugly smirk.
“My, my, did you run all the way here?”
“Maybe…”
“You must be getting old.”
He laughs and helps Kyung stand up. They go into the kitchen in utter silence. Kyung can’t think of anything to say. There’s too much he wants to share all at once. It causes chaos in his head.
“I’m not going to bite you, you know?”
“I know…”
“Have you done something stupid?”
“Huh?”
“Oh god, Kyung don’t tell me you lost your tongue.”
Kyung unconsciously shifts closer to Jiho. He doesn’t necessary want to talk. He’s missed Jiho’s presence, it’s always been a constant, dependable thing in his life. It takes him aback how happy he would be just listening to the other’s breath.
“How is you project going?”
“It’s fine. I’ll be finishing soon. High time, to be honest. I can’t look at brushes without wanting to murder someone any more.”
The silence falls back into place. He hopes his friend will understand but Jiho isn’t good with empty spaces and unsaid words.
“What have you been up to anyway?”
“Pardon?”
“You didn’t bother to text me back. You must have had a reason.”
“Not really…”
“Is it a girl?”
Kyung blinks. How on earth does everyone realize it so quickly is beyond him. It’s not as if he had written it in bold letters on his forehead. His friends couldn’t have seen him with her either. They don’t visit that particular part of town.
“Hanhae told me you’ve been acting weird and you only ever ignore me when you’re in love.”
“I’m not in love.”
“But you have a girlfriend, right?”
“Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Good. I can forgive you for ignoring me if you were getting laid instead.”
Kyung giggles. Trust Jiho to be shameless. At least that didn’t change.
He kicks Jiho’s chair and sleepily rubs his eyes.
“Move. It’s my place.”
“Fuck you. It’s too early. I don’t care.”
“Jiho.”
“Kyung.” Jiho mimics with an identical whine. “Just sit next to Jaehyo. I’m not moving. You’ll survive the lecture either way.”
“Fine,” he huffs.
Jaehyo fidgets in his seat. Kyung can’t blame him though. He’s been working real hard at alienating him again after all.
“You shouldn’t have let Jiho take advantage of you.”
“What?”
“With the art project? You should have left him alone. He won’t give you any credit. He’s too much of a selfish bitch.”
“Says who,” Jiho spits back.
“It’s fine, really. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have helped him.”
“Oh? I bet he must have blackmailed you. Why would you readily subject yourself to dealing with Jiho while he’s in his annoying artist mood?”
“It’s not that bad,” Jaehyo says while trying to suppress a smile.
“Lies. The last time he asked me to help him mix the paint, he shouted at me for good 30 minutes just because I added too much white. Hanhae helped him transport the gigantic canvas to school and afterwards swore to move away if Jiho ever asked anything of him again.”
“Well…he did chase me with his pink scissors around the house after I folded the paper a millimetre too close to the right side.”
“The hello kitty scissors?”
“Yeah.”
He chuckles.
“Wow Jiho. Didn’t you get those in 3rd grade of elementary school?”
“Shut up, you two! I have these scissors with me and I won’t hesitate to use them!”
He tries harder this time. The wolf cub is growing slowly, feeding off any negative emotions he may have. It’s hiding and waiting. Kyung can never be sure if it won’t attack. Wild animals are unpredictable and the one he’s involuntary rising is made of anger.
The table is half-empty. Hanhae and Taeil are off studying. Not your everyday kind of thing, at least when Hanhae is concerned. Yukwon haven’t been showing up in general and Minhyuk seems pretty fascinated by his notes. He doesn’t even look up when he and Jaehyo sit down. He wonders if he should say anything. Still, he knows that Minhyuk will talk to him of his own accord if he feels the need to discuss his problems. Maybe it’s not even that bad. After all Minhyuk hasn’t officially broken up with his girlfriend. He and Yukwon hasn’t been going out either. It’s not his friend’s typical behaviour but who is he to judge.
Jiho has disappeared right after class without saying a word. Kyung didn’t feel like waiting for him. Although a few months ago he’d have preferred to take extra math classes than go anywhere with Jaehyo, he doesn’t mind now. Sometimes he’ll catch himself staring at the other for a bit too long. Still, it’s nothing serious and Jaehyo is pretty so it’s natural…should be…He really doesn’t see the need to analyze his actions too deeply. Jaehyo isn’t the only person he likes looking at.
Jiho forcefully squeezes himself in-between him and Jaehyo. He groans. They rarely get the chance to talk, not to mention manage to hold a civil conversation. There’s no need for Jiho to constantly butt in.
“Jiho! Your elbow is currently murdering my essay! Move!”
“Why so serious?”
Kyung narrows his eyes.
“I need to hand it in today, you idiot. My professor doesn’t appreciate random creases.”
“Ok, Ok.”
Jiho pushes the chair to the side. Kyung swears that every possible hair he has rises. It’s oppressing because Jiho’s thigh is touching his and there’s no space to breath. They’re almost perfectly pressed together. He feels dizzy, as if it were a sensory overload. He bites his cheek and counts down to 10. Anything to start thinking straight again.
He can’t stay still. There’s a cloud following him whenever he goes. It’s heavy with buried thoughts and uncomfortable memories, slowly but surely making raindrops fall down.
“Don’t think too much.”
Her voice brings him back into reality. He didn’t even realize how badly he’s been spacing out.
“I’ve been told I think too little.”
“It all depends on the situation. Torturing yourself with the same thoughts over and over again doesn’t do anyone any good.”
“How am I supposed to know how to act then?”
“No one knows. You can only take a more or less calculated guess.”
“That’s not helpful at all.”
“You’re not supposed to be perfect though.”
“What if I seem to always be mistaken?”
“Maybe you’re just looking at things from the wrong perspective? Try putting yourself in other people’s shoes?”
She presses her lips to his cheek.
“Stay the night.”
It’s sudden and his surprise must show. She laughs.
“There’s no innuendo included. A change of scenery might do you good.”
He nods. Not that he’s good at keeping his hands to himself around girls. Hanhae taught him too well.
“Do I have something on my face?”
Kyung is genuinely concerned. Jiho has been staring at him with an unreadable expression for past few hours, almost as if he was trying to decipher how Kyung has changed since the last time they saw each other. The thing is that he’s absolutely the same. Even his clothes are probably the same, he’s lazy when he’s not being forced to dress up.
Jiho slides into his chair and knocks the breath out of him with his bony elbow.
“Do you want a magnifying loop to have an even better view maybe?
“I’m fine.”
“I don’t have any breathing space left?”
“So?”
Kyung narrows his eyes.
“So? What are we, 5? Why are you inspecting me?!”
“No reason really.”
He rolls his eyes and stands up. It’s so abrupt that Jiho barely manages to grab the edge of the table in order not to fall.
“Great. I’m going though so I guess you’ll have to find a new victim.”
Jiho stops him when he’s on his way home. He still looks at him with unmasked curiosity but leaves his personal bubble alone, which is dandy since Kyung has been feeling queasy having his friend too close. It’s nothing major, of course. He blames their prolonged separation.
They walk in silence. It’s unnerving because Jiho looks like he really wants to ask him something. Kyung hates when people beat around the bush. Who does such illogical behaviour even benefit?
“Spill the beans!”
“Huh?”
“What is it that you want to know?”
“Uhm...well...Why haven’t you introduced your girlfriend to me yet?”
“What? Is it necessary?”
“You’ve been going out for some time already. You must be serious about her, right?”
“Maybe...”
“Then why not introduce her to me? I know all your ex-girlfriends.”
“I don’t feel the need to.”
“Are you for real? Is she ok with that?”
“Don’t worry about it, ok? You’ll meet her sooner or later anyway.”
“Fine.”
“Is it? You sound like you’re sulking.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not! Forget it.”
Jiho calls him 2 days later. It’s Friday night so Kyung pretty much can predict where this conversation will go.
“Are you free tomorrow night?”
“What’s the occasion? Or rather, is there one?”
“Guys said that we need to celebrate my return to having a social life.”
“You mean Hanhae took advantage of the situation?”
“Yeah, exactly. So?”
“I don’t know, Jiho.”
“Hanhae promised me that he won’t try to hook you up. Come on, let’s get drunk together. We haven’t been out in ages.”
“...”
“Kyunggggggggg.”
“Will he really leave me alone?”
“Yes! I swear!”
He sighs.
“What time?”
The house is so packed that it’s a fight just to get past the entrance. He has no idea who’s throwing the party but he doesn’t envy all the cleaning up they will have to do. He’d probably move out more readily. Ever since the fresher’s week’s party that Hanhae organized, he wasn’t able to sit on his couch in the living room without remembering all the bodily fluids they found the day after.
He turns around and realizes that Jaehyo and Jiho are nowhere to be seen. He groans. They left him just like this, without saying even a word. It’s not as if he came here willingly. Jiho should have at least kept him company for a while. Clearly Jaehyo was more important though and Kyung has never hated him more.
He decides to just walk around and look for something to drink. It’s a few steps later that he hears Hanhae’s loud voice. Trust the idiot to make himself noticed wherever he goes. There are 2 people with him and they seem familiar. Kyung goes straight towards them.
It turns out that Hanhae made Jihoon and Mino tag along. He hasn’t seen them in what seems like forever. Nevertheless, catching up with them becomes impossible a few minutes later when Jihoon starts getting excited about something Kyung has no idea about (the only word he can make out is ‘hyung’). His explosive aegyo joins the display soon enough and Kyung wishes his head would stop trying to burst. Everything appears to be too much and he starts retreating the moment he notices the cosy looking coach at the back of the living room. Not that either Jihoon or Mino mind his behaviour since they resort to chatting up random girls closer to the bar.
He’s downing what is probably his sixth drink when he notices Jiho staggering drunkenly in his direction. He flops heavily on the couch right next to him and looks up with a shit-eating grin that’s stretching his face to an uncomfortable degree. Kyung pokes him experimentally in the side. Instead of being brutally murdered on the spot, he only gets a giggle in response. That’s enough for him to assess just how gone Jiho is.
“Hello there princess,” drawls Jiho.
Kyung decides that he must be rather tipsy himself for he’s still not facepalming. He spots an open beer in Jiho’s hand and slowly tries to take it away before his wasted friend spills it on both of them.
“I see you’re not one to wait,” Jiho says while looking dreamily at his face. “You have such pretty eyes, princess.”
He feels an overwhelming need to run away when Jiho starts inching towards him. He moves towards the other end of the couch but is quickly trapped between the armrest and the other boy.
“Erhm...Can you maybe give me some space?”
“Not really, I like it here.”
Kyung swallows heavily and looks away. Jiho is sprawled all over his lap, all warm and solid. He can feel Jiho’s breath tickling his neck and his stomach doing somersaults. Trying to shift and escape only results in them coming closer. He can hear Jiho sigh and then the music and the overwhelming noise of the party fade into the background because for whatever reason Jiho is kissing him as if there’s nothing else that’s important in this time and space. It’s too unexpected, too surreal, too breathtaking and too everything for his head is spinning in circles, all around some orbit it created for itself. He has no idea what he’s doing either because he’s clearly kissing back. It seems like five seconds is his preferable amount of time for making sane decisions. He has to stifle a laugh when he thinks how proud Hanhae would be for him going with the flow for once. Not that he has much liberty to think about anything more. Jiho bites him hard and licks at the wound and presses closer and...oh, that felt nice. He decides to just focus on the sensations and save feeling guilty for the next day. Jiho moves to his neck but it’s slow and deliberate. Kyung’s fingers seem to have their own ideas too. They scratch and pull. There’s a void where the wild creature used to reside in his chest. It feels as if someone cut it open and forgot to stitch the wound afterwards, the invisible blood gushing everywhere. For a split second he wonders if maybe the cut goes all the way until his spinal cord, leaving him exposed and vulnerable. A voice at the back of his head seems to agree, especially now when he’s completely not in control of his actions. Just wanting more and more. Even though it’s not the best kiss of his life. It’s way too messy to be anywhere near.
Jiho’s hands start inching closer to his pants. There’s probably an alarm going off in his head but he ignores it and lets the other pull down the zipper.
“Oh here you are, Jiho. Weren’t you supposed to-Oh.”
Jaehyo’s voice is like a bucket of cold water being poured over every inch of his body. He knows he will be thankful for the distraction later on but right now he wants to punch him in his pretty face so hard it leaves him unrecognizable.
Jiho, on the other hand, isn’t bothered. He continues to tug at Kyung’s jeans without sparing Jaehyo even a glance. Kyung yelps and tries his best to stop him. Still, Jiho is determined. Kyung decides he has no other choice and reaches for the beer can he took from Jiho earlier. Then, he successfully knocks his friend out.
The left-over beer lands perfectly on his and Jaehyo’s face. It’s so warm that it tastes like piss when Kyung tries to lick some of it off. Nevertheless, the look of utter horror on Jaehyo’s face is enough of a compensation.
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