joon/mir [mblaq] - To Drown Out Hate
Title: To Drown Out Hate
Pairing: Joon/Mir (Changsun/Chulyong)
Rating: G
Length: ~1600 words
Summary: Joon hates how Mir has everything so easy. Mir can't hate him.
Joon hates the boy as soon as his eyes land on him.
It’s a chilly day in February when they meet, the temperature just under 12 degrees centigrade and their minds just staggering on sane. The four other boys, including Joon, are told there’s been a new addition to the group. His name’s Bang Chulyong and he’s going to be baptized Mir. Mir: the one with the electric orange hair, the one with untold secrets in his eyes.
Joon hates Mir because he never thinks before he speaks. Mir is sunshine and cloudless skies and most of what he says is in his own little furtive language which no one can really understand anyway. Mir was also brought into MBLAQ through connections, which Joon never had. Joon had to always work hard to get what he wanted, go sleepless that extra hour to get what he wanted, and here was Mir who strolled into the room in his old, tattered pajamas, greeted everyone with a grin and was immediately accepted as part of the group.
So, it was only natural that Joon hated his guts even before he got to know him.
* * *
The thing is, Joon never questioned their manager about Mir and why he was given that extra privilege. It’s not like JTune knew for certain that Mir had it in him. Sure, his sister made it big in the entertainment industry, but could they be certain Mir would outshine her, or even come close to being as successful? But Joon never asked, and JTune never gave out details. It was a given, that Mir would someday be as big a star as Go Eunah. It was never up for discussion.
* * *
“Hey, Hyung. Seungho and Sanghyun are coming home to Jang Seong with me. Want to come with?”
“Sorry, I’m busy.”
“Doing what?”
Mir walks over to Joon who is clearly trying to ignore the younger. When Mir starts whining, Joon is prepared, and whacks him over the head with a newspaper lying on his bedside table.
“You never come out with us!” Mir complains, rubbing the part of his head the newspaper collided with.
“That’s because I’m busy and I don’t have time to-”
“You need a break, once in a while.”
“I don’t. We’re going to debut in a few months. I can’t afford to slack off.”
Joon coldly shoves past the confused boy and walks out of the room.
* * *
It’s minutes before their debut. Backstage, it’s dark and the tension’s so thick, you can cut it with a knife. Beyond the stage, people are screaming wildly and the sea of florescent lights in the audience moves along with the music.
Mir wipes sweat off his lip and gulps down another bottle of water, feeling a headache coming with the speakers blaring music all around them. He shakes his head and inhales deeply, placing the bottle of water beside him.
He sees Joon standing quietly in a corner and walks up to him.
“You don’t look nervous.”
“I am.”
“You’ll be fine. We’ve practiced so many times, we’re bound to do well.”
Joon cocks an eyebrow at him and goes back to staring at the stage.
“I don’t need comfort from a person who still hasn't properly mastered the dance moves,” he says pointedly.
Mir shoves his hands in his pockets and frowns at Joon before walking away.
* * *
The day after their debut, they’re all sitting sullen in the living room.
Seungho is chewing placidly on a banana, Sanghyun is browsing the internet for god-knows-what and Byunghee is rubbing his temple tiredly. Joon is sitting quietly, bags under his eyes.
Mir walks in and falls into the couch.
The silence is awkward.
“We did fine yesterday,” Mir starts, traces of a smile beginning to show on his face.
“We were good,” Joon looks up at him. “You weren’t. You heard Jihoon-hyung. You messed up the choreo so bad, it was embarrassing.”
Everyone turns to stare at Joon, suprised.
“I know, and I apologized for that-” Mir starts.
“Apologizing won’t get our debut night back, will it? You messed up and because of that, our debut looked terrible-”
“Changsun. Enough,” Seungho is glaring at him, his voice hard. “It wasn’t entirely Chulyong’s fault that Jihoon-hyung wasn’t satisfied with our debut, and you know that.”
“Of course! It’s never Chulyong’s fault, is it?” Joon shouts, standing up. “After all Chulyong is the star of MBLAQ, even though he got in without much effort. He made his debut without much effort as well and of course it wasn’t his fault we looked like a mess last night! It’s obvious that he’ll get of easy. After all, he’s Go Eunah’s brother, isn’t he?”
The four other members stare at him incredulously as he storms out of the room.
Mir is left feeling helpless and has guilt written all over his face.
* * *
Three months later and Mir’s forgiven Joon for his outburst. Things are settling down, but inside, Joon’s still bitter. Mir’s popularity is growing in proportion to Joon's and even though Joon knows this entire ordeal sounds completely childish, he’s still annoyed with the boy.
On the other hand, Mir’s love for Joon just keeps intensifying, because Mir sees through him. Mir sees through the calm and chic façade, sees past the hatred and jealousy, sees past all the immaturity and can see the insecure man that Lee Changsun really is.
In the dorm, they share a room, which means residing close to each other. Joon, being the older of the two, shares his things with the younger (albeit with a certain sense of reluctance) - slippers, scarves, toothpaste, the last spoon of ice cream at the bottom of the tub, dreams, hopes. Mir accepts these with all the graciousness of a person who has never been loved before, which in turn satisfies Joon. Heaven forbid Mir not be thankful for everything Joon’s done for him, oh no, the world might just implode on itself. At least that’s what Joon tells him.
Sometimes, Mir walks in on Joon sleeping and catches the blanket riding just off the edge of the bed. Sometimes, he walks over to the sleeping Joon and envelopes him in it, tucking it neatly beneath his chin. Sometimes, when he’s sure no one’s looking, he cards his fingers through Joon’s hair and smiles sadly before tiptoeing out of the room.
* * *
Mir is a renegade to normal social protocol - he forgives too easily, forgets too fast. Joon thinks anyone in their right mind would be sour and snappy after being hated on for so long, but Mir is so different, Joon begins to wonder if he’s really human at all. He’s a puzzle and Joon constantly thinks of ways to make Mir understand that he completely and absolutely loathes him. Maybe, he’s just thick. Maybe he just doesn’t want to get it, Joon thinks.
* * *
He’s walking down the Han River early one morning, when he catches Mir sitting with his feet in the water. Joon looks around and finds there’s no one within miles of them, except for the stray jogger. He slips out of his shoes, socks and rolls up his jeans, plunging his feet into rippling sky and cloud.
Mir doesn’t even look up, just rests back on his palms in the grass.
“Aren’t you mad at me?” Joon finally asks. He’s been trying to figure the boy out for too long now.
“Why would I be mad?” Mir smiles sideways at him.
“Because I’m rude and aggressive and a complete asshole to you.”
“Lots of people are,” Mir laughs. “It doesn’t mean I need to hate them.”
Joon proceeds to stare at the boy.
“I’ll never understand you, Chulyong.”
“You don’t have to. But I think I understand you.”
Mir closes the distance between them, pressing his hand to Joon’s chest.
“Hear that?” he whispers, face inches away from Joon’s, eyes full of something akin to love. “It’s the sound of your heart unfurling and crackling beneath layers of skin and muscle and lost hope. It’s weeping for love, because you’ve never gotten any, because you’d floated from audition to audition, and when you’d finally made it into MBLAQ, you meet someone like me, someone who’d gotten in so easily, you became selfish and hateful.”
Joon’s heart skips a beat and he watches Mir pull away from him.
“But you never realized that, in fact, I don't get everything so easily,” he continues.
“I don't think I understand what you mean,” Joon struggles to find his voice.
Mir throws his head back and laughs bitterly. “My mother didn’t tell me she loved me until I brought home my first pay check. My father expected me to inherit his land back home, but I disappointed him by getting into the entertainment industry. All people use me for is a good laugh and then I’m discarded.”
Mir sighs and reaches forward, pushes his hands into the water and watches the silver ribbons run through his fingers. “I’ve been a disappointment for most of my life, but I’ve survived so far only because I don’t believe in hate.”
Joon bites back his guilt and holds his head in his hands.
"I could never hate you, Changsun," Mir smiles up at him.
* * *
A month later, Joon doesn’t wake up as grumpy as before and Mir smiles a little wider than before. Joon loves a little better than before and Mir learns a little more with every kiss he shares with Joon.
Joon finds he’s just that much more beautiful when he’s with Mir and Mir stops wishing on falling stars and starts believing in eternity.
* * *
A/N: sorry if that failed a lot. i just needed a break from studying and thought i'd write these two, haha.♥
Pairing: Joon/Mir (Changsun/Chulyong)
Rating: G
Length: ~1600 words
Summary: Joon hates how Mir has everything so easy. Mir can't hate him.
Joon hates the boy as soon as his eyes land on him.
It’s a chilly day in February when they meet, the temperature just under 12 degrees centigrade and their minds just staggering on sane. The four other boys, including Joon, are told there’s been a new addition to the group. His name’s Bang Chulyong and he’s going to be baptized Mir. Mir: the one with the electric orange hair, the one with untold secrets in his eyes.
Joon hates Mir because he never thinks before he speaks. Mir is sunshine and cloudless skies and most of what he says is in his own little furtive language which no one can really understand anyway. Mir was also brought into MBLAQ through connections, which Joon never had. Joon had to always work hard to get what he wanted, go sleepless that extra hour to get what he wanted, and here was Mir who strolled into the room in his old, tattered pajamas, greeted everyone with a grin and was immediately accepted as part of the group.
So, it was only natural that Joon hated his guts even before he got to know him.
* * *
The thing is, Joon never questioned their manager about Mir and why he was given that extra privilege. It’s not like JTune knew for certain that Mir had it in him. Sure, his sister made it big in the entertainment industry, but could they be certain Mir would outshine her, or even come close to being as successful? But Joon never asked, and JTune never gave out details. It was a given, that Mir would someday be as big a star as Go Eunah. It was never up for discussion.
* * *
“Hey, Hyung. Seungho and Sanghyun are coming home to Jang Seong with me. Want to come with?”
“Sorry, I’m busy.”
“Doing what?”
Mir walks over to Joon who is clearly trying to ignore the younger. When Mir starts whining, Joon is prepared, and whacks him over the head with a newspaper lying on his bedside table.
“You never come out with us!” Mir complains, rubbing the part of his head the newspaper collided with.
“That’s because I’m busy and I don’t have time to-”
“You need a break, once in a while.”
“I don’t. We’re going to debut in a few months. I can’t afford to slack off.”
Joon coldly shoves past the confused boy and walks out of the room.
* * *
It’s minutes before their debut. Backstage, it’s dark and the tension’s so thick, you can cut it with a knife. Beyond the stage, people are screaming wildly and the sea of florescent lights in the audience moves along with the music.
Mir wipes sweat off his lip and gulps down another bottle of water, feeling a headache coming with the speakers blaring music all around them. He shakes his head and inhales deeply, placing the bottle of water beside him.
He sees Joon standing quietly in a corner and walks up to him.
“You don’t look nervous.”
“I am.”
“You’ll be fine. We’ve practiced so many times, we’re bound to do well.”
Joon cocks an eyebrow at him and goes back to staring at the stage.
“I don’t need comfort from a person who still hasn't properly mastered the dance moves,” he says pointedly.
Mir shoves his hands in his pockets and frowns at Joon before walking away.
* * *
The day after their debut, they’re all sitting sullen in the living room.
Seungho is chewing placidly on a banana, Sanghyun is browsing the internet for god-knows-what and Byunghee is rubbing his temple tiredly. Joon is sitting quietly, bags under his eyes.
Mir walks in and falls into the couch.
The silence is awkward.
“We did fine yesterday,” Mir starts, traces of a smile beginning to show on his face.
“We were good,” Joon looks up at him. “You weren’t. You heard Jihoon-hyung. You messed up the choreo so bad, it was embarrassing.”
Everyone turns to stare at Joon, suprised.
“I know, and I apologized for that-” Mir starts.
“Apologizing won’t get our debut night back, will it? You messed up and because of that, our debut looked terrible-”
“Changsun. Enough,” Seungho is glaring at him, his voice hard. “It wasn’t entirely Chulyong’s fault that Jihoon-hyung wasn’t satisfied with our debut, and you know that.”
“Of course! It’s never Chulyong’s fault, is it?” Joon shouts, standing up. “After all Chulyong is the star of MBLAQ, even though he got in without much effort. He made his debut without much effort as well and of course it wasn’t his fault we looked like a mess last night! It’s obvious that he’ll get of easy. After all, he’s Go Eunah’s brother, isn’t he?”
The four other members stare at him incredulously as he storms out of the room.
Mir is left feeling helpless and has guilt written all over his face.
* * *
Three months later and Mir’s forgiven Joon for his outburst. Things are settling down, but inside, Joon’s still bitter. Mir’s popularity is growing in proportion to Joon's and even though Joon knows this entire ordeal sounds completely childish, he’s still annoyed with the boy.
On the other hand, Mir’s love for Joon just keeps intensifying, because Mir sees through him. Mir sees through the calm and chic façade, sees past the hatred and jealousy, sees past all the immaturity and can see the insecure man that Lee Changsun really is.
In the dorm, they share a room, which means residing close to each other. Joon, being the older of the two, shares his things with the younger (albeit with a certain sense of reluctance) - slippers, scarves, toothpaste, the last spoon of ice cream at the bottom of the tub, dreams, hopes. Mir accepts these with all the graciousness of a person who has never been loved before, which in turn satisfies Joon. Heaven forbid Mir not be thankful for everything Joon’s done for him, oh no, the world might just implode on itself. At least that’s what Joon tells him.
Sometimes, Mir walks in on Joon sleeping and catches the blanket riding just off the edge of the bed. Sometimes, he walks over to the sleeping Joon and envelopes him in it, tucking it neatly beneath his chin. Sometimes, when he’s sure no one’s looking, he cards his fingers through Joon’s hair and smiles sadly before tiptoeing out of the room.
* * *
Mir is a renegade to normal social protocol - he forgives too easily, forgets too fast. Joon thinks anyone in their right mind would be sour and snappy after being hated on for so long, but Mir is so different, Joon begins to wonder if he’s really human at all. He’s a puzzle and Joon constantly thinks of ways to make Mir understand that he completely and absolutely loathes him. Maybe, he’s just thick. Maybe he just doesn’t want to get it, Joon thinks.
* * *
He’s walking down the Han River early one morning, when he catches Mir sitting with his feet in the water. Joon looks around and finds there’s no one within miles of them, except for the stray jogger. He slips out of his shoes, socks and rolls up his jeans, plunging his feet into rippling sky and cloud.
Mir doesn’t even look up, just rests back on his palms in the grass.
“Aren’t you mad at me?” Joon finally asks. He’s been trying to figure the boy out for too long now.
“Why would I be mad?” Mir smiles sideways at him.
“Because I’m rude and aggressive and a complete asshole to you.”
“Lots of people are,” Mir laughs. “It doesn’t mean I need to hate them.”
Joon proceeds to stare at the boy.
“I’ll never understand you, Chulyong.”
“You don’t have to. But I think I understand you.”
Mir closes the distance between them, pressing his hand to Joon’s chest.
“Hear that?” he whispers, face inches away from Joon’s, eyes full of something akin to love. “It’s the sound of your heart unfurling and crackling beneath layers of skin and muscle and lost hope. It’s weeping for love, because you’ve never gotten any, because you’d floated from audition to audition, and when you’d finally made it into MBLAQ, you meet someone like me, someone who’d gotten in so easily, you became selfish and hateful.”
Joon’s heart skips a beat and he watches Mir pull away from him.
“But you never realized that, in fact, I don't get everything so easily,” he continues.
“I don't think I understand what you mean,” Joon struggles to find his voice.
Mir throws his head back and laughs bitterly. “My mother didn’t tell me she loved me until I brought home my first pay check. My father expected me to inherit his land back home, but I disappointed him by getting into the entertainment industry. All people use me for is a good laugh and then I’m discarded.”
Mir sighs and reaches forward, pushes his hands into the water and watches the silver ribbons run through his fingers. “I’ve been a disappointment for most of my life, but I’ve survived so far only because I don’t believe in hate.”
Joon bites back his guilt and holds his head in his hands.
"I could never hate you, Changsun," Mir smiles up at him.
* * *
A month later, Joon doesn’t wake up as grumpy as before and Mir smiles a little wider than before. Joon loves a little better than before and Mir learns a little more with every kiss he shares with Joon.
Joon finds he’s just that much more beautiful when he’s with Mir and Mir stops wishing on falling stars and starts believing in eternity.
* * *
A/N: sorry if that failed a lot. i just needed a break from studying and thought i'd write these two, haha.♥