So on and so forth
So I went into the doctor for various things yesterday, but I happened to mention my insomnia (which has been getting a bit better). She suddenly looked really concerned and asked me the obvious questions first (do I drink a lot, how much/how to I sleep) and then she asked "How's your mood?" And I almost cried...I'm like "okaaaay....I guess I'm stressed out from work..." and she's like "why, you think you're getting fired?" which of course, no I'm not, but I guess I'm worried about a lot of things. It made me realize that I never really got out of my depression and it seems to be quickly escalating. I noticed this very much when I got back from Florida, and in fact while I was in Florida. I just felt like I am incapable of relaxing or having fun. I dunno. blah. It's not overwhelming unless I really think about it, it's just kind of there. I'm starting to find it harder and harder to do much of anything or feel motivated about anything. This troubles me.
I think I need a swift kick in the pants. I realized how many little loose ends were hanging around, so I just sucked it up and did some shit today (like making PT appointments, paying lib fines, other bills etc). If I can just keep the ball rolling, I'll be OK. If I let myself grind to a halt, it just takes so much effort to get the damn thing going again. So I'm forcing myself to work on the things that I've been putting off for no discernible reason (web site projects etc). I know once I get things going, I'll feel better about myself, and it will snowball.
I'm also sick of my routine, which will quickly change since my office moving in 2 weeks! so exciting! but still, I need some adventure. For some reason Florida just didn't do it for me. I need to go on a yoga retreat or something. Or to go on a weekend-long hike. Something. Be out in nature. I love my long bike rides, but I also need to spend some time outside relaxing and doing some introspection. I think also doing some art projects that just let it all hang out would be helpful.
BTW, Florida was a lot of fun...we stayed on Anna Maria Island and spent a lot of time on the beach. Managed to avoid getting too burned, although I did get a blood blister on the bottom of my foot from running on the sand. :)
I think I need a swift kick in the pants. I realized how many little loose ends were hanging around, so I just sucked it up and did some shit today (like making PT appointments, paying lib fines, other bills etc). If I can just keep the ball rolling, I'll be OK. If I let myself grind to a halt, it just takes so much effort to get the damn thing going again. So I'm forcing myself to work on the things that I've been putting off for no discernible reason (web site projects etc). I know once I get things going, I'll feel better about myself, and it will snowball.
I'm also sick of my routine, which will quickly change since my office moving in 2 weeks! so exciting! but still, I need some adventure. For some reason Florida just didn't do it for me. I need to go on a yoga retreat or something. Or to go on a weekend-long hike. Something. Be out in nature. I love my long bike rides, but I also need to spend some time outside relaxing and doing some introspection. I think also doing some art projects that just let it all hang out would be helpful.
BTW, Florida was a lot of fun...we stayed on Anna Maria Island and spent a lot of time on the beach. Managed to avoid getting too burned, although I did get a blood blister on the bottom of my foot from running on the sand. :)