Hm
Life is weird, but you all already knew that. If you consider how any one action could have changed your entire life/job/summer/whatever, it's kinda sobering -- you start to look at the actions you're taking on a daily basis and wondering if you'll look back in a day/week/month/year and say "damn, if only..."
Anyway, thoughts going in a zillion different directions, perhaps because of my current mindset, perhaps because of the copious amount of Diet Coke I've ingested today.
The topic of cheating came up today in conversation, and while vehemently lambasting those who cheat, I realized that's what I was actually facilitating all summer, whether he willingly admitted it to me or anyone else or not. I think I started to realize this about the time I started to feel sorry for her despite her being my "rival" for his attention. It didn't stop me from taking what I wanted from him, but the anger that he was able to do this for almost three months and lie his way through being caught was kind of vexing. OK, very vexing. As I said, none of these thoughts detered me from going on with business as usual, but they were there.
Now that there's no business as usual to go about, I've had more time to contemplate my role in this summer's actions, and it's made me progressively more angry. I really can't do anything now -- he's not around for me to make miserable. She, however, is, and, as boring and dumb-as-a-rock as she is, she doesn't deserve to be treated as he did. So I tell her, what does that do ... makes him feel special, but makes her feel miserable (and hopefully stupid for believing whatever lies he was feeding her all along). We know he's an expert liar (hey, we've all gotta be good at something ...), but I've never really understood the reasons for most of his lies. To make himself look better, perhaps? But then, is he so miserable with his own self that he needs to spin an elaborate web of lies to just save face to people who couldn't care less?
One theory I have on his lies to me and those I associate with is that he wanted to keep me around to keep her at arm's length for whatever reason. Aside from his complete lack of respect for me in the whole process, this was probably a good tactic (but don't make me feel like a homewrecker in my own home, buddy).
It's clear I need a new distraction to, well, distract me from this whole mess. My quickly approaching unemployedness may be enough to do this.
Anyway, thoughts going in a zillion different directions, perhaps because of my current mindset, perhaps because of the copious amount of Diet Coke I've ingested today.
The topic of cheating came up today in conversation, and while vehemently lambasting those who cheat, I realized that's what I was actually facilitating all summer, whether he willingly admitted it to me or anyone else or not. I think I started to realize this about the time I started to feel sorry for her despite her being my "rival" for his attention. It didn't stop me from taking what I wanted from him, but the anger that he was able to do this for almost three months and lie his way through being caught was kind of vexing. OK, very vexing. As I said, none of these thoughts detered me from going on with business as usual, but they were there.
Now that there's no business as usual to go about, I've had more time to contemplate my role in this summer's actions, and it's made me progressively more angry. I really can't do anything now -- he's not around for me to make miserable. She, however, is, and, as boring and dumb-as-a-rock as she is, she doesn't deserve to be treated as he did. So I tell her, what does that do ... makes him feel special, but makes her feel miserable (and hopefully stupid for believing whatever lies he was feeding her all along). We know he's an expert liar (hey, we've all gotta be good at something ...), but I've never really understood the reasons for most of his lies. To make himself look better, perhaps? But then, is he so miserable with his own self that he needs to spin an elaborate web of lies to just save face to people who couldn't care less?
One theory I have on his lies to me and those I associate with is that he wanted to keep me around to keep her at arm's length for whatever reason. Aside from his complete lack of respect for me in the whole process, this was probably a good tactic (but don't make me feel like a homewrecker in my own home, buddy).
It's clear I need a new distraction to, well, distract me from this whole mess. My quickly approaching unemployedness may be enough to do this.