(no subject)
What is this hidden attraction to depression that seems to haunt my generation? Does this epidemic or self-loathing haunt every generation that passes? Is it an epidemic at all, or just the norm, and all those who dont suffer from self-pity are the odd?
So many people my age seem to take some comfort in thinking that they are tragically misunderstood, and that nobody else could possibly comprehend the trauma and horrors they deal with daily. They seem to recognize that there are worse lives in the world then theirs, yet they continue to pity themselves, clouding their minds with the idea that they have suffered so much, and while they plead for their 'suffering' and depression to stop, they do absolutely nothing to cease their problems. Medication? Psychotherapy? Counseling? How about some excercise to release some endorphants? No, people seem to believe that their suffering is beyond all help, and they must suffer alone, without help.
I dont understand. I honestly dont. I try, and sometimes I think I've come up with the solution, then I get proven wrong.
Why do we constantly torment ourselves with the questions that have no answers? 'What is my purpose?' 'Why do I have to go through what I'm going through?' There are no answers to questions that really arent questions at all. A question is something that is asked to gain information; yet these 'questions' have nothing to be gained. If we had access to the answers, would we really want to know if it wasnt what we wanted to hear? I wouldnt. Life contains so much mystery, that I almost find pleasure in wondering how everything is going to come together for me, what events in my life will come next.
Perhaps I'm a hypocrite. There are indeed times that I find myself in my bed, unable to sleep with so many thoughts running through my mind, and at times I just want to curl into a ball and cry. But I say to myself 'what is there to cry about? Do you really have any right to cry, when your best friend's boyfriend of two years passed away, and she has nightmares and flashbacks of his mangled face in the tangle of metal and blood that was his car?' I, somehow, suck it up and realize that I shouldnt be crying, not only because other people are suffering, but because I know what it is to suffer. My childhood memories are laced with the sterile smell of surgical gloves and the grainy texture of gauze taped to my skin. I, am somehow able to tell myself 'it really isnt that bad, Cassie. You've really got it pretty good'.
Do other people do this? Do other people correct their feelings and decide to put a stop to their unfounded feelings? Or do they just decide that what they feel is right, and if it wasnt, then they wouldnt feel it? I must admit, as compassionate as I try to be, there are times when people complain to me and I just want to smack them in the face and ask them whats so wrong with their lives. I expect some long, tragic answer or a story that seems to come from a soap opera, and my only response is to say 'ok..? so what? move on! take what you learned from the situation and continue on with life'. Yet I never get around to saying that, on account that I feel I will insult whoever is feeling sad. Sad people are very touchy; they dont like to be told that their feelings aren't appropriate, as I have come to find out.
I, of course, have gone through the teenage angst that I am complaining about. But I was 15; some people are 18, 19 years old and still in this pubescent period of self pity.
I just dont understand it, I really dont.
Maybe I'm just not supposed to.
ps. Download the song "Jackies Strength". Just do it. If I was a dog, I'd pee on it and declare it my own.
So many people my age seem to take some comfort in thinking that they are tragically misunderstood, and that nobody else could possibly comprehend the trauma and horrors they deal with daily. They seem to recognize that there are worse lives in the world then theirs, yet they continue to pity themselves, clouding their minds with the idea that they have suffered so much, and while they plead for their 'suffering' and depression to stop, they do absolutely nothing to cease their problems. Medication? Psychotherapy? Counseling? How about some excercise to release some endorphants? No, people seem to believe that their suffering is beyond all help, and they must suffer alone, without help.
I dont understand. I honestly dont. I try, and sometimes I think I've come up with the solution, then I get proven wrong.
Why do we constantly torment ourselves with the questions that have no answers? 'What is my purpose?' 'Why do I have to go through what I'm going through?' There are no answers to questions that really arent questions at all. A question is something that is asked to gain information; yet these 'questions' have nothing to be gained. If we had access to the answers, would we really want to know if it wasnt what we wanted to hear? I wouldnt. Life contains so much mystery, that I almost find pleasure in wondering how everything is going to come together for me, what events in my life will come next.
Perhaps I'm a hypocrite. There are indeed times that I find myself in my bed, unable to sleep with so many thoughts running through my mind, and at times I just want to curl into a ball and cry. But I say to myself 'what is there to cry about? Do you really have any right to cry, when your best friend's boyfriend of two years passed away, and she has nightmares and flashbacks of his mangled face in the tangle of metal and blood that was his car?' I, somehow, suck it up and realize that I shouldnt be crying, not only because other people are suffering, but because I know what it is to suffer. My childhood memories are laced with the sterile smell of surgical gloves and the grainy texture of gauze taped to my skin. I, am somehow able to tell myself 'it really isnt that bad, Cassie. You've really got it pretty good'.
Do other people do this? Do other people correct their feelings and decide to put a stop to their unfounded feelings? Or do they just decide that what they feel is right, and if it wasnt, then they wouldnt feel it? I must admit, as compassionate as I try to be, there are times when people complain to me and I just want to smack them in the face and ask them whats so wrong with their lives. I expect some long, tragic answer or a story that seems to come from a soap opera, and my only response is to say 'ok..? so what? move on! take what you learned from the situation and continue on with life'. Yet I never get around to saying that, on account that I feel I will insult whoever is feeling sad. Sad people are very touchy; they dont like to be told that their feelings aren't appropriate, as I have come to find out.
I, of course, have gone through the teenage angst that I am complaining about. But I was 15; some people are 18, 19 years old and still in this pubescent period of self pity.
I just dont understand it, I really dont.
Maybe I'm just not supposed to.
ps. Download the song "Jackies Strength". Just do it. If I was a dog, I'd pee on it and declare it my own.