you hollow out my hungry eyes

[spinsincircles]

i feel really empty tonight. thats why i hate summer. it always leaves me feeling empty. i did nothing today. its ok when i work because i'm not idle. but i'm not working. monday and tuesday i had fun with super jean. but now its friday. and we havent spoken. i enjoy spending time with my melrose friends. but where are they. sarah d is in NYC. and everyone else? i miss masspoag. and the more i think about it the more i know i probably wont be back there. and it makes me misss it more. and my leaders friends. who are out there. or even nowhere close. sometimes when i ride my bike and the air rushes into me and through my hair i pretend i'm a bird. because sometimes i do feel like all my friends are a million miles away. i know thats not true. i know its stupid. i just wish i spent more time with them. like even now. its friday night or sat morning. or whatever. and there are people walking by my house. talking and laughing about nothing. just the most meaningful nothing ever. and i dont get that. i dont get to do that. and i cant help but wonder, is it because of me?

whatever
maddie