if you get bord (this is the happy me)
im listening to the postal service and in the next room my mother is listening to some not so bad jamaican music. today i feel a little wierd. its kind of an empty feeling. i haven't pushed much emotion in days and little things that kill me i have been forgeting. i don't know if that means im getting better. i feel very blan. today my mother woke me up and i went to the dentist. talked to elyse for a while and laughed it up with my dentist. then had an actual conversation with my dad it started with my permit then lead into the inventors of google and ended with my uncle coming over today to fix the sink.
we got home and i watched an episode of 21 Jump Street with my brother. its an old 80's t.v. show he watched when he was younger about a cop (jonny depp) who looked too young so they sent him undercover in highschools to bust punk kids. its funny how the 80's had such stupid plots and ugly puffy hair.but who am i to talk about puffy hair right? we were going to watch another one but he had a phone call.
so i played drums then layed down and thought. i didn't get much sleep last night. i was thinking about alot like how my life really isn't that bad. it has alot of great and horrible points to it but i get great people who come in and out of it everyday. thier impressions stay a bit too long. after that and a few other random thoughts, i started getting the line " let me miss you for five minutes " or " give me five minutes to miss you " something like that running through my head. i think im going crazy.
i then watched a movie i didn't catch the name of. it was one of the best i had ever seen. i actually have been watching alot of great movies by myself lately like last night i watched the virgin suicieds again. and lately i saw garden state and someothers my brothers rented. but i watched them befor they woke up. anyway this movie was about 3 women the first part about delia,2nd about greta and 3rd about paula. i guess im running long so i wont explain it.
i have been watchin th soprano's too. i started watching the sopranos wheni needed to get my mind off of my life so i stopped wathing things that could have done with me. and watched stupid cartoons and the soprano's. ever get that feeling that it hurts to see people kiss? that feeling is going away.
i got in touch with shannan, ashley, liz, kyle and justin. sounds like everyone is doing great and happy to talk with me even though it feels like i haven't spoken with them in forever. im glad my friends are thier. hopefully my life wont suck for a night and i'll get a chance to see you soon.
music for me has been going so well. guitar ensamble actual does help. words are the only problem. i can write music all night but when it comes to words i say things i dont mean and cant describe what im thinking. i just sit and play. it feels wierd. i think its the way i have been feeling. im just so lost. my head aches and mood swings have been going away. but i don't feel the same.
justin is doing well too all of his new stuff is great mad propz bro.
i met my aunt today. my dad's older sister i never hear of or met. she was nice and so calm. she was the opposite of my dad. a very sweet lady. i thought everyone in my family was exentric assholes. but heres a lady who reminds me of myself. oh well. she said i looked like my uncle cleamont (sp?) the last picture i have seen of him was in the 70's he had dreads always smiled and was just as skinny. he was a real cool guy. that made me smile to remember him.
emily. big issue with me lately. the time apart has helped with my mood. and people have stopped linking how i feel (upset) with blaming her. nothings her fault. she has been great. im really glad she understood the reason im stepped back without telling her. without the stress of everyone else, me working out my shit is getting alot easier. i do wonder all the time how she's doing and what she's thinking. but i can't dwell on it. i can just hope she feels better so we can be better.
the whole shit with me cutting off the bullshit of sertain people isn't thier fault. you did what you thought was right but for where my life is now, people like you don't fit in. sorry. you were great friends way back when but you don't act like my friends anymore no matter how much i've tried to be thier for you. it doesn't seem like you are thier for my lowest lows. so goodbye. when i feel like dealing with it, we'll get better. but for now go use someone else. please.
i lost 2 pounds but im eating alot better. my goal is to gain 20 pounds. my brothers said they would help. i think its the working out in gym. i have wieghtlifting and i think i have cut the little fat i had. but in gym the convos with my friends make me feel so good about how i treat women these kids are jerks. they cheat with no shame and pretend they are in love. love? are you kidding me?
christmas sucked. i didn't get what i wanted. but i got to see emily and that was what i had been wanting that day so i guess i did. my goal for new years last year was to kiss someone who ment something at mid night. it didn't happen but i didn't mind. i have some money in my pocket and a job that waits for me to come back. so im starting the new year well.
i haven't taken any pictures in months but it feels like i am still a photographer. i guess i need to focas on actual film again since digital isn't my deal with this comp.
i have been sittin with mike bennet sneha matt allison and some other kids lately which is alot funner and feels good to have a break to chill in the middle of the day. it feels good to be surounded by friends again.
i want a t-shirt that says "in nj we mosh like nobodys bussiness" i might make one soon.
dead ghost isn't that good and mega death sucks. sorry guys its true.
now i guess im getting inot random thoughts again. so im going to stop now. i might do another vent if you're bord post again. it feels like i've said everything on my mind but things keep coming. i don't like to post too often. it gets me into conflict. but i also feel like i just threw part of how i feel way out thier.
i have so much more to say. i disabled comments and i don't want anyone to talk to me about what i just wrote.
i feel like dancing <3
p.s. i would put this under an lj cut but i forgot... so yea sorry.
(Nothing Better)
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye
we got home and i watched an episode of 21 Jump Street with my brother. its an old 80's t.v. show he watched when he was younger about a cop (jonny depp) who looked too young so they sent him undercover in highschools to bust punk kids. its funny how the 80's had such stupid plots and ugly puffy hair.but who am i to talk about puffy hair right? we were going to watch another one but he had a phone call.
so i played drums then layed down and thought. i didn't get much sleep last night. i was thinking about alot like how my life really isn't that bad. it has alot of great and horrible points to it but i get great people who come in and out of it everyday. thier impressions stay a bit too long. after that and a few other random thoughts, i started getting the line " let me miss you for five minutes " or " give me five minutes to miss you " something like that running through my head. i think im going crazy.
i then watched a movie i didn't catch the name of. it was one of the best i had ever seen. i actually have been watching alot of great movies by myself lately like last night i watched the virgin suicieds again. and lately i saw garden state and someothers my brothers rented. but i watched them befor they woke up. anyway this movie was about 3 women the first part about delia,2nd about greta and 3rd about paula. i guess im running long so i wont explain it.
i have been watchin th soprano's too. i started watching the sopranos wheni needed to get my mind off of my life so i stopped wathing things that could have done with me. and watched stupid cartoons and the soprano's. ever get that feeling that it hurts to see people kiss? that feeling is going away.
i got in touch with shannan, ashley, liz, kyle and justin. sounds like everyone is doing great and happy to talk with me even though it feels like i haven't spoken with them in forever. im glad my friends are thier. hopefully my life wont suck for a night and i'll get a chance to see you soon.
music for me has been going so well. guitar ensamble actual does help. words are the only problem. i can write music all night but when it comes to words i say things i dont mean and cant describe what im thinking. i just sit and play. it feels wierd. i think its the way i have been feeling. im just so lost. my head aches and mood swings have been going away. but i don't feel the same.
justin is doing well too all of his new stuff is great mad propz bro.
i met my aunt today. my dad's older sister i never hear of or met. she was nice and so calm. she was the opposite of my dad. a very sweet lady. i thought everyone in my family was exentric assholes. but heres a lady who reminds me of myself. oh well. she said i looked like my uncle cleamont (sp?) the last picture i have seen of him was in the 70's he had dreads always smiled and was just as skinny. he was a real cool guy. that made me smile to remember him.
emily. big issue with me lately. the time apart has helped with my mood. and people have stopped linking how i feel (upset) with blaming her. nothings her fault. she has been great. im really glad she understood the reason im stepped back without telling her. without the stress of everyone else, me working out my shit is getting alot easier. i do wonder all the time how she's doing and what she's thinking. but i can't dwell on it. i can just hope she feels better so we can be better.
the whole shit with me cutting off the bullshit of sertain people isn't thier fault. you did what you thought was right but for where my life is now, people like you don't fit in. sorry. you were great friends way back when but you don't act like my friends anymore no matter how much i've tried to be thier for you. it doesn't seem like you are thier for my lowest lows. so goodbye. when i feel like dealing with it, we'll get better. but for now go use someone else. please.
i lost 2 pounds but im eating alot better. my goal is to gain 20 pounds. my brothers said they would help. i think its the working out in gym. i have wieghtlifting and i think i have cut the little fat i had. but in gym the convos with my friends make me feel so good about how i treat women these kids are jerks. they cheat with no shame and pretend they are in love. love? are you kidding me?
christmas sucked. i didn't get what i wanted. but i got to see emily and that was what i had been wanting that day so i guess i did. my goal for new years last year was to kiss someone who ment something at mid night. it didn't happen but i didn't mind. i have some money in my pocket and a job that waits for me to come back. so im starting the new year well.
i haven't taken any pictures in months but it feels like i am still a photographer. i guess i need to focas on actual film again since digital isn't my deal with this comp.
i have been sittin with mike bennet sneha matt allison and some other kids lately which is alot funner and feels good to have a break to chill in the middle of the day. it feels good to be surounded by friends again.
i want a t-shirt that says "in nj we mosh like nobodys bussiness" i might make one soon.
dead ghost isn't that good and mega death sucks. sorry guys its true.
now i guess im getting inot random thoughts again. so im going to stop now. i might do another vent if you're bord post again. it feels like i've said everything on my mind but things keep coming. i don't like to post too often. it gets me into conflict. but i also feel like i just threw part of how i feel way out thier.
i have so much more to say. i disabled comments and i don't want anyone to talk to me about what i just wrote.
i feel like dancing <3
p.s. i would put this under an lj cut but i forgot... so yea sorry.
(Nothing Better)
Will someone please call a surgeon
Who can crack my ribs and repair this broken heart
That your're deserting for better company?
I can't accept that it's over...
I will block the door like a goalie tending the net
In the third quarter of a tied-game rivalry
So just say how to make it right
And i swear i'll do my best to comply
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
I feel must interject here you're getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history
So let me help you remember.
I've made charts and graphs that should finally make it clear.
I've prepared a lecture on why i have to leave
So please back away and let me go
I can't my darling i love you so...
Tell me am i right to think that there could be nothing better
Than making you my bride and slowly growing old together
Don't you feed me lines about some idealistic future
Your heart won't heal right if you keep tearing out the sutures
I admit that i have made mistakes and i swear
I'll never wrong you again
You've got a lure i can't deny,
But you've had your chance so say goodbye
Say goodbye