(no subject)
I think there becomes a time when you become too old for dreaming.
I don't want to call it giving up .. .just growing up.
At 24 years old I'm far to old to continue following a dream that I started when I was 6. . or 8. . or 12 . .or even at 18.
Dreams don't come true.
But I'm not stuck at a point where I know I need stop chasing dreams, and lies and start growing up but I'm not sure I'm ready for all of that either.
I can't tell if I've made a right decision in my life at all yet.
I gave up writing. . .for a bit that is anyways.
I got to the point where i no longer felt like I was writing for myself. I loved STS but sometimes i felt myself writing to an audience instead of for myself.
I got into the slam scene for a bit. traveled a bit. met some of the poets I idolized and I still felt like I was writing for someone else. To prove something to someone else. To prove myself to someone else. I forgot to write for myself.
And even when I write for myself I still feel like no one is listening or no one cares. And as hypocritical as that is I want to stop writing for myself or for others all together.
Austin is now a dead dream. And though many call the boy and anchor at times I think he is good for me. I just think I'm back to needing anxiety pills to keep me calm and happy. Cause like every other artist out there I'm constantly convicning myself that I'm not crazy.
"I know, I make people fall in love with me. That's what I do best.
But I rarely ever love myself.
So chasing this dream, this goal, this hope, this lie
isn't always what is best for me."
i've said that a million times. This boy isn't stopping me from following dreams or holding on to any hopes. You can only cage butterflies so long before die anyways.
I don't want to call it giving up .. .just growing up.
At 24 years old I'm far to old to continue following a dream that I started when I was 6. . or 8. . or 12 . .or even at 18.
Dreams don't come true.
But I'm not stuck at a point where I know I need stop chasing dreams, and lies and start growing up but I'm not sure I'm ready for all of that either.
I can't tell if I've made a right decision in my life at all yet.
I gave up writing. . .for a bit that is anyways.
I got to the point where i no longer felt like I was writing for myself. I loved STS but sometimes i felt myself writing to an audience instead of for myself.
I got into the slam scene for a bit. traveled a bit. met some of the poets I idolized and I still felt like I was writing for someone else. To prove something to someone else. To prove myself to someone else. I forgot to write for myself.
And even when I write for myself I still feel like no one is listening or no one cares. And as hypocritical as that is I want to stop writing for myself or for others all together.
Austin is now a dead dream. And though many call the boy and anchor at times I think he is good for me. I just think I'm back to needing anxiety pills to keep me calm and happy. Cause like every other artist out there I'm constantly convicning myself that I'm not crazy.
"I know, I make people fall in love with me. That's what I do best.
But I rarely ever love myself.
So chasing this dream, this goal, this hope, this lie
isn't always what is best for me."
i've said that a million times. This boy isn't stopping me from following dreams or holding on to any hopes. You can only cage butterflies so long before die anyways.