Discontent

Jun 22, 2005 19:13

I have felt pretty melancholy today. I might have been like this for awhile but i just decided to figure it out now. I felt just kinda down and like I wasn't living life to its fullest, or enjoying enough of my life. I have all of these amazing blessings in my life and yet I find myself being melancholy instead of thriving.

Now I suppose there are supposed to be times in your life when you are melancholy so that you can greater appreciate the wonderful times, however I am sick and tired of feeling 'ehh' about my everyday life. I don't want to be so apathetic. So I wondered what it was that is making me be wierd like this. I remembered the happiest point of my day was at my lunch hour when i was lounging outside in the hot weather and talking to my baby on the phone. So how is that different from when I get off work and go grocery shopping? I dunno. Maybe I am being stupid. I decided to lay outside and think about all of this because I was tired of feeling discontent or like I dont have what I need to make me happy..because I DO have what I need!

So I was thinking
I guess I am discontent right now
my living situation is not loving
my lover is across country
my family is far away
the people i love are just out of reach
my job is not continually rewarding
however i do feel satisfied at the end of the workday
if im not satisfied by all the 'things' i have
then maybe i need to keep working on my spiritual side
I don't feel very full of the Holy Spirit
but i wish i could regain that feelign again
So im working on it
i thought maybe i dont do enough things that are strictly FOR ME
or for my spiritual side
i wake up, go to work, eat food, talk to a few people, get something done and go to sleep
maybe I need to do something that makes me feel fulfilled
like singing
or dancing
and then i think about how i miss Aaron
because those things remind me of him
being happy reminds me of him
Then I thought about Life
i think of my life as revolving around me
and I forget
that it doesnt
Life does not exist in what I can see everyday
Life is everywhere that I cannot see, or hear, and everything in between that we forget
And living life is an art, to incorporate everything that is Life into our Lives and being happy.

So, I resolve.
I am going to remember all the little things that make up me
and make up Life
and I am going to reflect on how everything interacts
and the wonder my Creator.
I am going to BE HERE NOW
and live this moment like it was my last one.
Previous post Next post
Up