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Kate's Magical "I'm-on-a-diet-but-my-parents-aren't-home-to-get-me-good-food-and-I-don't-
want-to-eat-the-shitty-microwaved-stuff" Dinner
Ingredients:
-a cup of egg noodles. Pack it tight so that it looks like a cup and you can fools yourself into believing that you're eating less calories than you are
-some carrots. It doesn't matter how many. Just some.
-whatever the hell you manage to find along the way
Instructions:
1. Get a pot. Fill it with some water. How much? ENOUGH. Bring said water to a boil.
2. Strategically throw the egg noodles in one-by-one from a distance, partially because you're afraid of getting burned, but also because you're bored and want to see how good you are at egg noodle basketball.
3. Wait until the egg noodles are soft.
4. Chop those sexy carrots up. Make as many as you want. Make them little slices.
5. Shoot those fuckers in the same way you did the noodles.
6. Wait a bit. Wait till the carrots get warm and a little soft, but still a bit crunchy because you're too fucking lazy to wait any longer.
7. Strain the shit out onto a plate. You don't want no water.
8. Get a square piece of sandwhich cheese. Put it in a bowl. Microwave it for 30 seconds because you're dumb enough to think it'll melt.
9. Hop excitedly to the microwave, only to discover your efforts were in vain. That fucking cheese just stuck to the bowl.
10. Scrape said cheese out into a little ball and throw it into the garbage. Gag from the industrial-cheesy smell.
11. Hunt your cupboards for something to give it flavor, now that the cheese has failed. Pick up that sketchy powdered butter your mom always uses to flavor her vegetables.
12. Put more than enough powdered butter on your noodles.
Something's still missing...
13. Hunt your fridge for something substantial and healthy. Aha! You've discovered that deli turkey meat that's been sitting there for who knows how long. Take it out.
14. Rip up thin strips of that deli turkey. Give a piece to your cat. Put the turkey on top of your noodles.
15. Admire your creation. Be sure to enjoy on a cheap paper plate with floral patterns and a plastic fork. Eat up!
This meal was surprisingly good, I must say.
Kate gives it an 7/10.
want-to-eat-the-shitty-microwaved-stuff" Dinner
Ingredients:
-a cup of egg noodles. Pack it tight so that it looks like a cup and you can fools yourself into believing that you're eating less calories than you are
-some carrots. It doesn't matter how many. Just some.
-whatever the hell you manage to find along the way
Instructions:
1. Get a pot. Fill it with some water. How much? ENOUGH. Bring said water to a boil.
2. Strategically throw the egg noodles in one-by-one from a distance, partially because you're afraid of getting burned, but also because you're bored and want to see how good you are at egg noodle basketball.
3. Wait until the egg noodles are soft.
4. Chop those sexy carrots up. Make as many as you want. Make them little slices.
5. Shoot those fuckers in the same way you did the noodles.
6. Wait a bit. Wait till the carrots get warm and a little soft, but still a bit crunchy because you're too fucking lazy to wait any longer.
7. Strain the shit out onto a plate. You don't want no water.
8. Get a square piece of sandwhich cheese. Put it in a bowl. Microwave it for 30 seconds because you're dumb enough to think it'll melt.
9. Hop excitedly to the microwave, only to discover your efforts were in vain. That fucking cheese just stuck to the bowl.
10. Scrape said cheese out into a little ball and throw it into the garbage. Gag from the industrial-cheesy smell.
11. Hunt your cupboards for something to give it flavor, now that the cheese has failed. Pick up that sketchy powdered butter your mom always uses to flavor her vegetables.
12. Put more than enough powdered butter on your noodles.
Something's still missing...
13. Hunt your fridge for something substantial and healthy. Aha! You've discovered that deli turkey meat that's been sitting there for who knows how long. Take it out.
14. Rip up thin strips of that deli turkey. Give a piece to your cat. Put the turkey on top of your noodles.
15. Admire your creation. Be sure to enjoy on a cheap paper plate with floral patterns and a plastic fork. Eat up!
This meal was surprisingly good, I must say.
Kate gives it an 7/10.