Ok, so I'm a couple days late
So my last entry was supposed to fall on May 28 (by the way, happy birthday to Iralynn!!!!!), but that was on a fabulous beachy Sunday and I decided to put it off until I was back in the office slaving away. Nothing like some procrastination to get through the work day! I guess I'll start with the questions (from my April 6 post):
What's the one thing you miss about being with Jesse?
Jesse and I have (had?) so much in common and we could spend hours just chatting. He's brilliant in an unconventional way; I always felt like I was both learning from him and teaching him at the same time. He has a beautiful smile and it always made my day. He was the first person ever in my life who loved me just the way I was, no expectations. I eventually realized that while it was nice to have someone that didn't care if I fucked up or spent my life doing nothing, I needed more encouragement; I needed someone to listen to my dreams and support my need to make them come alive.
Do you have any huge regrets?
I don't really believe in regret because all of the actions I execute I pursued for a reason, at least at the time. Even in terms of the relationships and friendships I've had that no longer exist, they've all lead me down the path I'm currently on. I guess the one regret I have right now is not being as frugal as I could have been in the past (I'm learning to save now!).
If you could tell one person, who you don't speak to anymore how you felt about them, who would it be and what would you tell them?
My dad's dad, who passed away a few years ago, is such an inspiration to me. I feel like I've learned more about him and gotten closer to him since his death than I ever knew or felt when he was alive. I really hope he knows that I think he's the coolest person I've ever known and really hope I'm more like him than anyone else on this earth.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Either operating my own women's clothing boutique or finishing a PhD program... maybe both? I guess it depends on how the next couple years unfold.
Where do you seem yourself with your boyfriend? Married with children.. or whatever?
Jonathan and I are both homebodies, we're ridiculously compatible, ultimately we're just simple people with simple needs and somehow we found each other. Right now, we both want the same things in life and all of those factors add up to looking like we might do the life thing together. :) I'm trying to really just enjoy the time we have right now because it's glorious and I wouldn't change any of it for the world -- and I plan on riding this wave as long as it lasts. If that means it lasts forever, then so be it.
How do you see yourself ringing in 2007?
Lots of champange!
Life-wise, I'll be in advertising until September and then I'm thinking of spending two years working for Teach for America. Honestly though, I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself by overthinking the future -- I need to be more excited about now.
What are you looking forward to, right now?
Right now, right now? Umm... My cousin's graduation from CSUN this Friday. Entourage season premiere next weekend! Fiona Apple at the Greek on June 24. My and Jonathan's one year anniversary on July 7! New Yoooooork in September! Of course I'm always looking forward to weekends!
Where do you think the next place you travel to will be?
Aside from New York, I hope to be able to go up to Napa Valley and maybe Hawaii before the end of the year. Next summer I think I'll be revisiting London with my dad.
*****
This all feels so anticlimactic... it's like the end of an era, and I don't even feel like I have anything important to say. Life is really good for me these days, I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I've been in a long, long time. I feel blessed and happy and deserving of the life that's waiting for me to live it.
I guess the primary reason I'm leaving [public] livejournal is because I feel like it's become a curtain for glimpses into my life, people peeking in and delivering their two cents every once in awhile. I don't like the idea that livejournal is a shortcut for the friends who are reading about my emotions when in reality they should be calling to ask me how I'm doing; we should be sitting down and meeting face-to-face to recount stories and talk shit instead of hearing things first via words onscreen.
I know that really sucks for the people who I feel I've genuinely gotten to know well over the years via this beast... who I don't talk to "in real life." But I don't think this is the last time you'll hear from me. I'll still check my friends pages and try to keep up with all of you!
Weird how you get older and all your priorities change. I am pretty much obsessed with my family these days and try to spend as much time with them as I can squeeze in. I expect the coming years will be real memory-makers.
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned from Jonathan is that privacy is sacred. What we have is like a secret that divides us from the rest of the world. It's a beautiful feeling to know that you're in it with someone, who will always have your back; you can separate for hours, days, months, even and then make eye contact across a room and suddenly be relieved and reassured of everything you've ever needed.
I've also learned that the people I want in my life are the ones that don't need constant reinforcement; the ones I can either see every day or once a year, and it doesn't matter because we both see through the bullshit and are just ride or die no matter what. I know who those people are and though the number has dwindled down, the handful I've held onto tightly is still as amazing and ...everything I've ever wanted.
I don't think I have anything else to say. I'll be around. :)
What's the one thing you miss about being with Jesse?
Jesse and I have (had?) so much in common and we could spend hours just chatting. He's brilliant in an unconventional way; I always felt like I was both learning from him and teaching him at the same time. He has a beautiful smile and it always made my day. He was the first person ever in my life who loved me just the way I was, no expectations. I eventually realized that while it was nice to have someone that didn't care if I fucked up or spent my life doing nothing, I needed more encouragement; I needed someone to listen to my dreams and support my need to make them come alive.
Do you have any huge regrets?
I don't really believe in regret because all of the actions I execute I pursued for a reason, at least at the time. Even in terms of the relationships and friendships I've had that no longer exist, they've all lead me down the path I'm currently on. I guess the one regret I have right now is not being as frugal as I could have been in the past (I'm learning to save now!).
If you could tell one person, who you don't speak to anymore how you felt about them, who would it be and what would you tell them?
My dad's dad, who passed away a few years ago, is such an inspiration to me. I feel like I've learned more about him and gotten closer to him since his death than I ever knew or felt when he was alive. I really hope he knows that I think he's the coolest person I've ever known and really hope I'm more like him than anyone else on this earth.
Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Either operating my own women's clothing boutique or finishing a PhD program... maybe both? I guess it depends on how the next couple years unfold.
Where do you seem yourself with your boyfriend? Married with children.. or whatever?
Jonathan and I are both homebodies, we're ridiculously compatible, ultimately we're just simple people with simple needs and somehow we found each other. Right now, we both want the same things in life and all of those factors add up to looking like we might do the life thing together. :) I'm trying to really just enjoy the time we have right now because it's glorious and I wouldn't change any of it for the world -- and I plan on riding this wave as long as it lasts. If that means it lasts forever, then so be it.
How do you see yourself ringing in 2007?
Lots of champange!
Life-wise, I'll be in advertising until September and then I'm thinking of spending two years working for Teach for America. Honestly though, I'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself by overthinking the future -- I need to be more excited about now.
What are you looking forward to, right now?
Right now, right now? Umm... My cousin's graduation from CSUN this Friday. Entourage season premiere next weekend! Fiona Apple at the Greek on June 24. My and Jonathan's one year anniversary on July 7! New Yoooooork in September! Of course I'm always looking forward to weekends!
Where do you think the next place you travel to will be?
Aside from New York, I hope to be able to go up to Napa Valley and maybe Hawaii before the end of the year. Next summer I think I'll be revisiting London with my dad.
*****
This all feels so anticlimactic... it's like the end of an era, and I don't even feel like I have anything important to say. Life is really good for me these days, I'm more comfortable in my own skin than I've been in a long, long time. I feel blessed and happy and deserving of the life that's waiting for me to live it.
I guess the primary reason I'm leaving [public] livejournal is because I feel like it's become a curtain for glimpses into my life, people peeking in and delivering their two cents every once in awhile. I don't like the idea that livejournal is a shortcut for the friends who are reading about my emotions when in reality they should be calling to ask me how I'm doing; we should be sitting down and meeting face-to-face to recount stories and talk shit instead of hearing things first via words onscreen.
I know that really sucks for the people who I feel I've genuinely gotten to know well over the years via this beast... who I don't talk to "in real life." But I don't think this is the last time you'll hear from me. I'll still check my friends pages and try to keep up with all of you!
Weird how you get older and all your priorities change. I am pretty much obsessed with my family these days and try to spend as much time with them as I can squeeze in. I expect the coming years will be real memory-makers.
One of the most valuable lessons I've learned from Jonathan is that privacy is sacred. What we have is like a secret that divides us from the rest of the world. It's a beautiful feeling to know that you're in it with someone, who will always have your back; you can separate for hours, days, months, even and then make eye contact across a room and suddenly be relieved and reassured of everything you've ever needed.
I've also learned that the people I want in my life are the ones that don't need constant reinforcement; the ones I can either see every day or once a year, and it doesn't matter because we both see through the bullshit and are just ride or die no matter what. I know who those people are and though the number has dwindled down, the handful I've held onto tightly is still as amazing and ...everything I've ever wanted.
I don't think I have anything else to say. I'll be around. :)