Fast Food, or Fad Foost? New evidence suggests: "You decide..."
Redmond, Washington - National “Pack-a-Lunch” week was formally declared late Friday afternoon by CSG employees Bill McCrery and Wendy Bertoglio after months of a rampant fast-food addiction almost “blew up.”
Sources say discussion of a possible holiday aimed at lowering travel time and calorie count, while increasing life span and 100 meter dash time began in the 3rd floor “sauna” office of Microsoft building 28, as Bill McCrery gazed down at his rapidly expanding gut. “I couldn’t believe it,” he explained at a recent press event, “It just kept getting bigger and bigger and I thought I was going to have to find a sharp pin or a mechanical pencil or borrow somebody’s car keys.”
Luckily it didn’t come to that. Overlake Hospital ER surgeon Chuck Itallup said the often messy condition called “paunch-explosion” was narrowly adverted and calmed concerned family members (and confused hospital staff) explaining that, “Bill really only reached what we call a 2nd trimester bloating, which is comparable to the 5th or sometimes 6th month of a normal pregnancy.”
While the near-tragedy ended only in a bruised ego and intestinal tract for Bill, the incident has inspired an explosion of awareness across the Microsoft campus. “I’m really in a lot of pain,” said one employee who requested anonymity, “I mean all the time it feels like there are knives stabbing me in the stomach every time I take a step, and I take a lot of steps throughout the day, like at least 30 or 40.”
Enthusiasts of the holiday say it’s reasonable to believe you should eat more fruit and vegetables than Tillamook Cheddar-Bacon Big ‘n’ Tasties in the course of any given week. Wendy Bertoglio is especially favorable of any action taken to curb the Curly Fry Boom of April, but she is quick to point out other benefits of the proposed change, “think of how cheap it’ll be,” she claimed on the phone with a skeptic, “We’ll save dozens of dollars.”
But not everyone is convinced. Fat Burger spokesman Geoffrey L. Saturatedfatandranchdressing debates, “Look, first they tell you to eat healthy, then they tell you not to eat healthy, and now they’re telling you to eat healthy again. I’m not a rocket surgeon, but I smell something fishy.” Mr. Saturatedfatandranchdressing did in fact smell something fishy, but it turned out to be Skippers and not, at press time, a deep seeded health scandal.
But even among such daunting opposition, Bill and Wendy see light dressings at the end of the tunnel. “Let’s face it, we’re just getting started,” said Bill over the phone, “there is plenty of evidence out there to suggest bad food isn’t good for you, and I think people are going to respond to that.”
Sources say discussion of a possible holiday aimed at lowering travel time and calorie count, while increasing life span and 100 meter dash time began in the 3rd floor “sauna” office of Microsoft building 28, as Bill McCrery gazed down at his rapidly expanding gut. “I couldn’t believe it,” he explained at a recent press event, “It just kept getting bigger and bigger and I thought I was going to have to find a sharp pin or a mechanical pencil or borrow somebody’s car keys.”
Luckily it didn’t come to that. Overlake Hospital ER surgeon Chuck Itallup said the often messy condition called “paunch-explosion” was narrowly adverted and calmed concerned family members (and confused hospital staff) explaining that, “Bill really only reached what we call a 2nd trimester bloating, which is comparable to the 5th or sometimes 6th month of a normal pregnancy.”
While the near-tragedy ended only in a bruised ego and intestinal tract for Bill, the incident has inspired an explosion of awareness across the Microsoft campus. “I’m really in a lot of pain,” said one employee who requested anonymity, “I mean all the time it feels like there are knives stabbing me in the stomach every time I take a step, and I take a lot of steps throughout the day, like at least 30 or 40.”
Enthusiasts of the holiday say it’s reasonable to believe you should eat more fruit and vegetables than Tillamook Cheddar-Bacon Big ‘n’ Tasties in the course of any given week. Wendy Bertoglio is especially favorable of any action taken to curb the Curly Fry Boom of April, but she is quick to point out other benefits of the proposed change, “think of how cheap it’ll be,” she claimed on the phone with a skeptic, “We’ll save dozens of dollars.”
But not everyone is convinced. Fat Burger spokesman Geoffrey L. Saturatedfatandranchdressing debates, “Look, first they tell you to eat healthy, then they tell you not to eat healthy, and now they’re telling you to eat healthy again. I’m not a rocket surgeon, but I smell something fishy.” Mr. Saturatedfatandranchdressing did in fact smell something fishy, but it turned out to be Skippers and not, at press time, a deep seeded health scandal.
But even among such daunting opposition, Bill and Wendy see light dressings at the end of the tunnel. “Let’s face it, we’re just getting started,” said Bill over the phone, “there is plenty of evidence out there to suggest bad food isn’t good for you, and I think people are going to respond to that.”