Crossdressing vs. Nudity
It's been exactly one year since my first experience naked outdoors at The Woods (a clothing-optional campground about an hour from me). I've changed in the last year, largely as a result of my experiences at The Woods.
I've been a crossdresser to some degree ever since my early teen years, when I discovered the pleasures of my mom's panties. I've mostly limited my crossdressing experience to lingerie -- panties, especially, which I've worn pretty much full time for the last 25 years. In the early years I did what many crossdressers do -- because of feelings of guilt or "abnormality," whatever that is, they try and stop, purge (get rid of all the clothing), and try to go "straight" again. Fortunately I learned relatively early that the urges to crossdress aren't easily dismissed -- controlled, perhaps, but they don't just go away because you've purged or think you don't want to crossdress any longer. For most crossdressers, it becomes a permanent way of life to at least some degree.
But over the last year or so (you can watch the progression in this blog if you've followed it that long), I found something that was even more of a turn-on for me than crossdressing -- an even more powerrful desire -- and one that was largely incompatible with crossdressing. That urge was for nudity -- being naked -- sans clothing of any kind.
The more time I spent naked, the more I wanted to BE naked. And when I started experiencing intentionally being naked in front of others (in an appropriate atmosphere), which for me just started a year ago at The Woods, the more I became comfortable with my own body and the more I wanted to be naked with others again. Obviously you can't be naked and crossdress at the same time, so one of those desires had to override the other. Nudity has won, at least so far -- and I'm happy about that.
A year ago I was still very self-conscious about my body: my weight, my slightly asymmetrical shape, and especially my short penis (very short when soft, but about average when erect). In one year that has changed about 180 degrees -- not my body, unfortunately, but my self-consciousness -- it has pretty much disappeared completely. Now I eagerly look forward to situations where I'm naked in front of others (always appropriate situations -- I'm not referring to illegal or inappropriate exhibitionism). I don't worry so much about what I look like because I know there are many others like me -- my defects are, for the most part, not very unique at all, especially my short penis, which was the major cause for being self-conscious previously. I'm now at the point that if you said you wanted to see me naked, I'd strip in a minute and not feel self-conscious about it (although I'd still have to be comfortable that you definitely wanted to see me that way!).
Obviously, I can't be naked all the time in our society -- I'd quickly be labeled a lunatic and put away. But one of the ways I discovered to preserve a small part of that wonderful feeling of being naked is to go commando when I do have to dress -- be naked underneath my outer clothes, which means wearing no underwear, including my beloved panties. I still have my huge collection of panties, bras, and other lingerie, and have no plans to get rid of any of them. But I haven't worn them or any of my pretty things for almost six months. That amazes me -- I haven't gone that long without crossdressing since I started as a teen! But the urge to be naked or at least go commando has, so far, been greater. I do still spend some time reading online about crossdressing, and do some panties "window" shopping, but I haven't bought any new panties in the last year, either, which is also a record for me. I have no desire to set a record in that regard -- I'm just waiting it out, and don't plan to resist the urge when it returns, but neither am I trying to change things one way or the other. I'm just taking things one day at a time, and taking notes. It's been an interesting journey so far, and it will be interesting to see where this goes over the next year or two.
I strongly suspect that as the weather gets colder, the urge to dress will once again show itself -- I like wearing pantyhose on very cold days to help keep warm, and at night I like wearing a nylon slip, panties and bra to bed instead of sleeping nude as I do in the summer. I won't resist any of those urges, most likely, assuming they return. What will happen next summer when the weather warms up again? Will the urge to be naked once again override the urge to dress? Stay tuned and we'll find out!
I've been a crossdresser to some degree ever since my early teen years, when I discovered the pleasures of my mom's panties. I've mostly limited my crossdressing experience to lingerie -- panties, especially, which I've worn pretty much full time for the last 25 years. In the early years I did what many crossdressers do -- because of feelings of guilt or "abnormality," whatever that is, they try and stop, purge (get rid of all the clothing), and try to go "straight" again. Fortunately I learned relatively early that the urges to crossdress aren't easily dismissed -- controlled, perhaps, but they don't just go away because you've purged or think you don't want to crossdress any longer. For most crossdressers, it becomes a permanent way of life to at least some degree.
But over the last year or so (you can watch the progression in this blog if you've followed it that long), I found something that was even more of a turn-on for me than crossdressing -- an even more powerrful desire -- and one that was largely incompatible with crossdressing. That urge was for nudity -- being naked -- sans clothing of any kind.
The more time I spent naked, the more I wanted to BE naked. And when I started experiencing intentionally being naked in front of others (in an appropriate atmosphere), which for me just started a year ago at The Woods, the more I became comfortable with my own body and the more I wanted to be naked with others again. Obviously you can't be naked and crossdress at the same time, so one of those desires had to override the other. Nudity has won, at least so far -- and I'm happy about that.
A year ago I was still very self-conscious about my body: my weight, my slightly asymmetrical shape, and especially my short penis (very short when soft, but about average when erect). In one year that has changed about 180 degrees -- not my body, unfortunately, but my self-consciousness -- it has pretty much disappeared completely. Now I eagerly look forward to situations where I'm naked in front of others (always appropriate situations -- I'm not referring to illegal or inappropriate exhibitionism). I don't worry so much about what I look like because I know there are many others like me -- my defects are, for the most part, not very unique at all, especially my short penis, which was the major cause for being self-conscious previously. I'm now at the point that if you said you wanted to see me naked, I'd strip in a minute and not feel self-conscious about it (although I'd still have to be comfortable that you definitely wanted to see me that way!).
Obviously, I can't be naked all the time in our society -- I'd quickly be labeled a lunatic and put away. But one of the ways I discovered to preserve a small part of that wonderful feeling of being naked is to go commando when I do have to dress -- be naked underneath my outer clothes, which means wearing no underwear, including my beloved panties. I still have my huge collection of panties, bras, and other lingerie, and have no plans to get rid of any of them. But I haven't worn them or any of my pretty things for almost six months. That amazes me -- I haven't gone that long without crossdressing since I started as a teen! But the urge to be naked or at least go commando has, so far, been greater. I do still spend some time reading online about crossdressing, and do some panties "window" shopping, but I haven't bought any new panties in the last year, either, which is also a record for me. I have no desire to set a record in that regard -- I'm just waiting it out, and don't plan to resist the urge when it returns, but neither am I trying to change things one way or the other. I'm just taking things one day at a time, and taking notes. It's been an interesting journey so far, and it will be interesting to see where this goes over the next year or two.
I strongly suspect that as the weather gets colder, the urge to dress will once again show itself -- I like wearing pantyhose on very cold days to help keep warm, and at night I like wearing a nylon slip, panties and bra to bed instead of sleeping nude as I do in the summer. I won't resist any of those urges, most likely, assuming they return. What will happen next summer when the weather warms up again? Will the urge to be naked once again override the urge to dress? Stay tuned and we'll find out!