(no subject)
My life has never quite been this hard, this stressful, nor so,..Hopeless, or this self consumed. I feel so scared that i wont stop going down this path, i know what i need, but I'll never get her back. I'll never have a chance to meet her again. She must be dead, there's so good reason why she'd be alive. The bastards have been bombing the towns with absolute devastation, and, carefully well executed in that fashion. The enemy has been decimating all resistance with almost complete victory on all fronts. only Aussen and graynock stands and defends. I left a home wrought with murder, and revenge in my blood, I feel no remorse not after what I've seen, there are things, men were not meant to see. I find myself drinking every night, I've tried many things, medicines, religion, A strong spirit or ale is the only thing that stops my nightmares, it is the only thing that allows me to continue on this miserable life. And its not just myself that is miserable, its this whole land, the people in all there multitudes are very troubled in these times. There is hunger and death, thievery, slavery and things that are far worse still. I have sinned many times, more so then most men, and i feel a great deal awful about it. I know i have no seats a waiting for me next to the gods. Yet but still i have carried on further then many of my loved ones, I do not feel any love for anyone all my loved ones are dead, there is only one i am not certain of, there is a possibility, but it is just a silly hope, that will never be proved. I have been around the land in areas not most men would go, but i never did seem to find not even a sign nor a clue. I since have lived off the land killing any Trassians or Junesians that i see in this land. I never wanted this but they i am willing to burn for this i am willing to die knowing that my ancestors were watching me. I joined the army at 16 three years after my mother died. My father was killed when i was 10, he was of high trassian military rank.