Some Halloween Fun for Jkkitty
Title: Escape to the Country
Genre: Are You Being Served?
Rating: PG
Prompt: You’re looking through a dead woman’s possessions when a note slips out of the book you’d been reading, warning you about “the ghost who runs this house.”
jkkitty, I hope you enjoy this bit of Halloween silliness. thanks to you and to Sparky for her beta.
“I didn’t even know she had a mother.” Shirley Brahms held her jacket closed against a bitter wind, looking as if she was trying to retreat into the genuine simulated artificial leather.
“We all have or had one,” Captain Peacock said, while doing battle with his umbrella. He managed to get it closed before the winds took it. “I must say, I didn’t realize she lived in such an isolated area.”
“Probably safer against sightings by the local witch hunters,” Mr. Humphries murmured and Mr. Lucas chuckled softly.
“It does look just the spot for it.”
They fought their way through the tangle of weeds that choked the path leading to the house. The exterior glistened black against the elements and looked almost as if it was crying.
“Ye gods, I shudder to think what the inside looks like.” Mr. Lucas grabbed his hat just before it bolted from his head.
“Hopefully, it’s warmer in than out.”
With a look of dismay at handling the rusted door knocker, even with his gloves on, Captain Peacock tapped it quickly.
There was the sound of approaching feet and Mrs. Slocombe opened the door.
“It’s so good of you all to come. Get yourselves in before the wind takes you.” She hustled them into the hall and gestured to a series of hooks. “You can hang everything over there.”
“It was good of you to invite us.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d come. It’s such an isolated spot.” She helped Captain Peacock with his jacket and carefully hung it. “Grant you, it’s lovely when the sun’s shining… all two days a years of it.”
“No wonder you moved to London.” Lucas peeled off his jacket and tossed it over a convenient chair.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Marie wouldn’t like it.”
“Marie?”
“The woman who runs this house. You don’t want to cross her.”
For a moment, it appeared that Mr. Lucas was going to come across with some snide remark, but instead he hung the jacket up on a hook.
“That’s a wise choice. She’s a bear when you cross her. Otherwise, she’s good as gold.”
Mrs. Slocombe led them into a nice, if oddly appointed living room. There were poorly-stuffed animals collecting dust on many tabletops.
“Was… ah, taxidermy a hobby of your mother’s?”
“No, again, that’s Marie’s doing. Those are all gifts to my mother. She was devoted to her.” Mrs. Slocomb settled onto an overstuffed settee close to the fire and began to pour tea. “The local vicar brought the cakes. You have to try them, but mind the crumbs.”
“Marie wouldn’t like it,” Mr. Humphries said, with a half laugh. “She’s sounding more and more like my mother.”
“Yes, well, she and my mother were very close.” Mrs. Slocombe sipped. “In fact, I am thinking of leaving the house to her.”
“That’s a very generous offer, Mrs. Slocombe.” Captain Peacock tried the nearest cake, making sure to keep the crumbles confined to the saucer.
“Well, I couldn’t see myself living here and no one else wants it. Marie has had the place to herself for quite some time and it’s her home as much as it is mine.” She looked around. “Plus, with the upkeep, I’d never be able to keep my head above water.” Her face took on a serene look. “No, it’s best that Marie has it. She’ll know what’s to do with it.
Mr. Lucas pulled on his pajama top, keeping his back to Mr. Humphries. “I don’t know why we couldn’t have our own rooms. I mean, Shirley and Peacock do.”
“I think it’s best not to question the motivations of our hostess. I’m sure she has a reason.” Mr. Humphries’s silk jacket glimmered against the light cast by the fireplace. “Besides, I don’t know about you, but with that Marie character wandering about, I could do with a bit of company.”
Just then there was a fast knock on the door and both men jumped.
“Well, go answer it.” Mr. Humphries ordered.
“I’m not going to answer it. You answer it.”
“Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas,” Miss Brahms’s voice filtered through the thick wood of the door. “Let me in, please.”
The two men scrambled over each other in an attempt to get to the door first. Miss Brahms was wrapped in a thick plaid robe and she practically ran into the room. Beneath the robe, ugly striped pants stuck out.
“Why, Miss Brahms!” Mr. Humphries studied her robe. “I never took you for plaid.”
“I don’t, but I laid my nightie and robe out on the bed and when I came back, they was gone and these were there. There was a note that said nice girls didn’t dress like that.”
“Mrs. Slocombe?”
“No, she’s down for the count. Must have been that last half dozen g & t’s she had.”
“Captain Peacock?”
“My door was locked.”
“Good gracious. And if it wasn’t us… Marie?”
“She’s got a nerve,” Mr. Lucas snapped but quietly. “So what do you want us to do?”
“Can I stay in here tonight?” She wrung her hands together.
“If Marie didn’t like your nightie, I doubt she’d approve of you staying with two men.“ Mr. Humphries nodded to the door. “Off you go, Mr. Lucas.”
“Me? Why me?”
“Weren’t you just complaining that you didn’t have your own room? Well, now you do.”
“But you’re a man, too.”
“You’ve been peeking.” Mr. Humphries laughed. “True, but I haven’t spent the better part of the last two years trying to get her in the back row of the local cinema. Miss Brahms’s honor is safe with me.”
Mr. Lucas sputtered for the moment and then grabbed his robe. “Isn’t that just bleeding marvelous?”
He stormed out and looked around to get his bearing. He heard a whisper of a noise and then something grabbed him, dragging him through the hall.
“Young men don’t use such language.”
“Get off me.” He fought and he was abruptly released just as Captain Peacock appeared.
“What are you playing at, Mr. Lucas?”
“Something grabbed me, Captain Peacock!”
“Mr. Humphries?”
“Not bloo-very likely. He’s back in our bedroom with Miss Brahms. Someone nicked her nightie and she was too scared to be alone.”
“She would have to be to stay with Mr. Humphries. You say something grabbed you?”
“Or someone. Apparently, I used a bad word. It could have been Marie, but I didn’t see anyone.”
“I’m prepared to use a few myself. I came out of the bath and discovered that someone had replaced the novel I was reading and replaced it with the Bible.”
“Cor… what’s going on?”
“I have no idea, but I suspect Marie didn’t approve of it.” He wasn’t about to tell a junior the book’s title.
“So why hasn’t she bothered Mr. Humphries then?”
“I suspect he hasn’t crossed her yet.”
“Make sense, he does live with his mother.”
Mr. Lucas looked around and nodded to Captain Peacock’s room. “Fancy a night cap?”
“Now you are talking sense, Mr. Lucas.”
Mr. Humphries glanced over to where Miss Brahms was huddled in bed. This whole affair seemed off to him, but he wasn’t taking the chance. He’d gotten a pillow and blanket from the airing cupboard and made up the sofa. That accomplished, he selected a book from the bookcase and settled in. With any luck, it would be so boring, he’d nod off.
He’d just opened the book when a bit of paper fell out. Curious, he picked it up and unfolded it.
Beware the ghost who runs this house, he read. “My word. That would be handy. My mother could just do with someone like that.”
A glowing figure appeared before him and he paled. He held the blanket up as protection against the apparition.
“Wha…. Wha… what do you want, spirit?”
“Marie. My name is Marie and this is my CV, sir.”
“Marie? You’re the one who runs this place?”
“Yes, and with any luck, I’m not going to be stuck here for another five centuries. I’m desperate for a change. But I will warn you, I don’t put up with larks or pranks.”
Mr. Humphries screamed and that woke up Miss Brahms, who also started screaming when she saywthe vaporous being.
The next moment, Captain Peacock and Mr. Lucas raced in and Captain Peacock lost all sense of decorum and shrieked like a little girl.
Mr. Lucas didn’t hesitate, he headed for the stairs, closely followed by the rest.
Mrs. Slocombe woke slowly the next morning, her head full of sawdust. Pulling on a robe, she headed downstairs to see about making some coffee for her friends.
She got to the front hall and noticed the front door was wide open. “You haven’t chased off another batch, Marie?! Now, who am I going to get to help me shift this lot?”
Genre: Are You Being Served?
Rating: PG
Prompt: You’re looking through a dead woman’s possessions when a note slips out of the book you’d been reading, warning you about “the ghost who runs this house.”
jkkitty, I hope you enjoy this bit of Halloween silliness. thanks to you and to Sparky for her beta.
“I didn’t even know she had a mother.” Shirley Brahms held her jacket closed against a bitter wind, looking as if she was trying to retreat into the genuine simulated artificial leather.
“We all have or had one,” Captain Peacock said, while doing battle with his umbrella. He managed to get it closed before the winds took it. “I must say, I didn’t realize she lived in such an isolated area.”
“Probably safer against sightings by the local witch hunters,” Mr. Humphries murmured and Mr. Lucas chuckled softly.
“It does look just the spot for it.”
They fought their way through the tangle of weeds that choked the path leading to the house. The exterior glistened black against the elements and looked almost as if it was crying.
“Ye gods, I shudder to think what the inside looks like.” Mr. Lucas grabbed his hat just before it bolted from his head.
“Hopefully, it’s warmer in than out.”
With a look of dismay at handling the rusted door knocker, even with his gloves on, Captain Peacock tapped it quickly.
There was the sound of approaching feet and Mrs. Slocombe opened the door.
“It’s so good of you all to come. Get yourselves in before the wind takes you.” She hustled them into the hall and gestured to a series of hooks. “You can hang everything over there.”
“It was good of you to invite us.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d come. It’s such an isolated spot.” She helped Captain Peacock with his jacket and carefully hung it. “Grant you, it’s lovely when the sun’s shining… all two days a years of it.”
“No wonder you moved to London.” Lucas peeled off his jacket and tossed it over a convenient chair.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Marie wouldn’t like it.”
“Marie?”
“The woman who runs this house. You don’t want to cross her.”
For a moment, it appeared that Mr. Lucas was going to come across with some snide remark, but instead he hung the jacket up on a hook.
“That’s a wise choice. She’s a bear when you cross her. Otherwise, she’s good as gold.”
Mrs. Slocombe led them into a nice, if oddly appointed living room. There were poorly-stuffed animals collecting dust on many tabletops.
“Was… ah, taxidermy a hobby of your mother’s?”
“No, again, that’s Marie’s doing. Those are all gifts to my mother. She was devoted to her.” Mrs. Slocomb settled onto an overstuffed settee close to the fire and began to pour tea. “The local vicar brought the cakes. You have to try them, but mind the crumbs.”
“Marie wouldn’t like it,” Mr. Humphries said, with a half laugh. “She’s sounding more and more like my mother.”
“Yes, well, she and my mother were very close.” Mrs. Slocombe sipped. “In fact, I am thinking of leaving the house to her.”
“That’s a very generous offer, Mrs. Slocombe.” Captain Peacock tried the nearest cake, making sure to keep the crumbles confined to the saucer.
“Well, I couldn’t see myself living here and no one else wants it. Marie has had the place to herself for quite some time and it’s her home as much as it is mine.” She looked around. “Plus, with the upkeep, I’d never be able to keep my head above water.” Her face took on a serene look. “No, it’s best that Marie has it. She’ll know what’s to do with it.
Mr. Lucas pulled on his pajama top, keeping his back to Mr. Humphries. “I don’t know why we couldn’t have our own rooms. I mean, Shirley and Peacock do.”
“I think it’s best not to question the motivations of our hostess. I’m sure she has a reason.” Mr. Humphries’s silk jacket glimmered against the light cast by the fireplace. “Besides, I don’t know about you, but with that Marie character wandering about, I could do with a bit of company.”
Just then there was a fast knock on the door and both men jumped.
“Well, go answer it.” Mr. Humphries ordered.
“I’m not going to answer it. You answer it.”
“Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas,” Miss Brahms’s voice filtered through the thick wood of the door. “Let me in, please.”
The two men scrambled over each other in an attempt to get to the door first. Miss Brahms was wrapped in a thick plaid robe and she practically ran into the room. Beneath the robe, ugly striped pants stuck out.
“Why, Miss Brahms!” Mr. Humphries studied her robe. “I never took you for plaid.”
“I don’t, but I laid my nightie and robe out on the bed and when I came back, they was gone and these were there. There was a note that said nice girls didn’t dress like that.”
“Mrs. Slocombe?”
“No, she’s down for the count. Must have been that last half dozen g & t’s she had.”
“Captain Peacock?”
“My door was locked.”
“Good gracious. And if it wasn’t us… Marie?”
“She’s got a nerve,” Mr. Lucas snapped but quietly. “So what do you want us to do?”
“Can I stay in here tonight?” She wrung her hands together.
“If Marie didn’t like your nightie, I doubt she’d approve of you staying with two men.“ Mr. Humphries nodded to the door. “Off you go, Mr. Lucas.”
“Me? Why me?”
“Weren’t you just complaining that you didn’t have your own room? Well, now you do.”
“But you’re a man, too.”
“You’ve been peeking.” Mr. Humphries laughed. “True, but I haven’t spent the better part of the last two years trying to get her in the back row of the local cinema. Miss Brahms’s honor is safe with me.”
Mr. Lucas sputtered for the moment and then grabbed his robe. “Isn’t that just bleeding marvelous?”
He stormed out and looked around to get his bearing. He heard a whisper of a noise and then something grabbed him, dragging him through the hall.
“Young men don’t use such language.”
“Get off me.” He fought and he was abruptly released just as Captain Peacock appeared.
“What are you playing at, Mr. Lucas?”
“Something grabbed me, Captain Peacock!”
“Mr. Humphries?”
“Not bloo-very likely. He’s back in our bedroom with Miss Brahms. Someone nicked her nightie and she was too scared to be alone.”
“She would have to be to stay with Mr. Humphries. You say something grabbed you?”
“Or someone. Apparently, I used a bad word. It could have been Marie, but I didn’t see anyone.”
“I’m prepared to use a few myself. I came out of the bath and discovered that someone had replaced the novel I was reading and replaced it with the Bible.”
“Cor… what’s going on?”
“I have no idea, but I suspect Marie didn’t approve of it.” He wasn’t about to tell a junior the book’s title.
“So why hasn’t she bothered Mr. Humphries then?”
“I suspect he hasn’t crossed her yet.”
“Make sense, he does live with his mother.”
Mr. Lucas looked around and nodded to Captain Peacock’s room. “Fancy a night cap?”
“Now you are talking sense, Mr. Lucas.”
Mr. Humphries glanced over to where Miss Brahms was huddled in bed. This whole affair seemed off to him, but he wasn’t taking the chance. He’d gotten a pillow and blanket from the airing cupboard and made up the sofa. That accomplished, he selected a book from the bookcase and settled in. With any luck, it would be so boring, he’d nod off.
He’d just opened the book when a bit of paper fell out. Curious, he picked it up and unfolded it.
Beware the ghost who runs this house, he read. “My word. That would be handy. My mother could just do with someone like that.”
A glowing figure appeared before him and he paled. He held the blanket up as protection against the apparition.
“Wha…. Wha… what do you want, spirit?”
“Marie. My name is Marie and this is my CV, sir.”
“Marie? You’re the one who runs this place?”
“Yes, and with any luck, I’m not going to be stuck here for another five centuries. I’m desperate for a change. But I will warn you, I don’t put up with larks or pranks.”
Mr. Humphries screamed and that woke up Miss Brahms, who also started screaming when she saywthe vaporous being.
The next moment, Captain Peacock and Mr. Lucas raced in and Captain Peacock lost all sense of decorum and shrieked like a little girl.
Mr. Lucas didn’t hesitate, he headed for the stairs, closely followed by the rest.
Mrs. Slocombe woke slowly the next morning, her head full of sawdust. Pulling on a robe, she headed downstairs to see about making some coffee for her friends.
She got to the front hall and noticed the front door was wide open. “You haven’t chased off another batch, Marie?! Now, who am I going to get to help me shift this lot?”