A heads or Tails fic for Maju01
Title: Mrs. Slocumb Gets her Knickers in a Knot
Genre: Are you Being Served/Grace and Favour
Rating: PG
Prompt: Mrs. Slocumb Gets her Knickers in a Knot
Requester: maju01
Maju01, I hope you enjoy your time at Millstone Manor! Thanks for playing along and thanks to Sparky for her beta.
She was a woman of infinite patience.
There weren’t many things that annoyed Mrs. Slocomb. Dirty bathroom sinks, unmade beds, poorly arranged flowers, too much tonic in her G&T upset her day, but this really got up her nose.
But to not receive a single Valentine’s Day card was just too much. There had been sly looks between Miss Lovelock and Captain Peacock and giggles from Mavis about a surprise left on her pillow.
But as for herself? Nothing! She wasn’t happy as all. She paused that the kitchen entrance as the voices floated back to her.
“Did you receive another Valentine’s Day card, Miss Brarhms?” Mavis Moulterd dried her hands on her thin apron. It was one of the few things left her by her mother and she cherished it.
“It just came in the mail.” Shirley sounded very chipper, which annoyed Mrs. Slocomb even more.
“That’s five now, inn’t? Someone in the village has his eye on you.” Mavis was banging about the table, probably cutting bread for lunch.
“I can’t imagine who.”
“Perhaps it was one of those rough farmhands from the pub.”
“You mean the one we was banned from? I shouldn’t think it.” She sat down and slowly opened up the envelope. Mrs. Slocomb could hear the pleasure in her voice. “That’s lovely.”
“I know that return address. It’s Miss Littlewood.”
Mrs. Slocomb could picture the blood drained from Shirley face. She was not pleased about being a matter of infatuation for the magistrate. “Or not. What do you think we should be about Mrs. Slocomb?”
“Didn’t she get anything? Poor thing.”
Mrs. Slocomb caught her breath and hurried away. Now she was a subject of pity. How ignominious!
Miserable, she made her way to the fireplace and started into it. “It’s not fair, Tiddles. I kept my fire going for forty years… ” For her part, Tiddles was less than impressed. She yawned and blinked sleepily. A moment later, Mrs. Slocomb yawned. “It’s not fair.”
“Perhaps I can help,” said a familiar voice and Mrs. Slocomb opened her eyes at the voice of her former department head, Mr. Rumbold. She turned and began to laugh.
He was standing there, wearing nothing but a pair of long johns and a diaper. He has two rather rumpled wings on his back and he was holding a bow and arrow.
“Mr. Rumbold, what are you playing at?”
“I’m not Mr. Rumbold. I am Cupid.”
That made her laugh even harder. “Go on with you then! What are you doing here?”
“Bringing you your wish. You want to be in love. I shall shoot you with my magic arrow and you will madly be in love with the next man you lock eyes with.”
“I don’t need you… oh, get on with it.”
He let the arrow fly and suddenly she felt all warm and happy, just like the way she felt after her second G & T. She giggled and spun around.
Captain Peacock was sitting just a few feet from her and she flirted with him, but he chose that moment to tend to the laces of his shoes. They were rather loose.
Mr. Humphries entered at the moment and she was delighted. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d had a mad crush on him. However, instead of locking eyes with her, he was in a mad search of his Zippo lighter. He ducked behind the bar.
She made a face and turned, only to come nose-to-nose with Morris Moulterd.
“Mrs. Slocomb, yer looking a fine shape of a woman today.”
Her eyes widened, she couldn’t stop from throwing herself into the arms of a very surprised, but delighted Mr. Moulterd. “I knew you’d come around. I’ll just go call the vicar! We can get married this afternoon!”
“Isn’t that rushing it a bit?” Mr. Rumbold asked.”
“And have her come to her senses?” Mr. Humphries now was a cherub and was carrying a basket of flowers, throwing them around the room as he twirled and dipped, well, as much as sense allowed at any rate.
“Why wait that long?” Captain Peacock stood, dressed as a vicar. “Let’s do it now!”
“But, but… I’m not ready.” Yet she was frantic with desire.
“I am.” Mr. Moulterd brushed the dirt from his hands.
“So are we.” Miss Brahms and Mavis stood there, wearing matching dresses.
“Dearly beloved,” Captain Peacock began. “Mrs. Slocomb, you need to stop trying to take Morris’s clothes off… Mrs. Slocomb? Betty?”
She was shaken and Mrs. Slocomb let out a yell and jumped up from where she’d been dozing. “I’m not ready.”
Captain Peacock looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s just that lunch is nearly ready.”
“Oh, Captain Peacock, am I happy to see you.” Just them Mr. Rumbold, dressed in his usual three-piece suit, came down the stairs, clipboard in hand.
“Mrs. Slocomb, a moment of your time. I’m afraid I need to--” he broke off as she hurried to him and hugged him.
“Absolutely, Mr. Rumbold, what you say.”
“But I haven’t said anything yet,” he protested as she released him and headed up the stairs.
“Tell Mavis I might be a little late for lunch, but I’ll be along.”
“What are you going to do?” Captain Peacock watched her hurried climb the stairs.
“Thank my lucky stars!”
“What on earth?” asked Mr. Humphries as he descended the staircase. “Mrs. Slocomb just thanked me for not being interested in her.
“No idea.” Mr. Rumbold clapped his hands together. “I’m ready for a nice lunch. I have quite a big afternoon planned. Mr. Moulterd is going to fit me out.”
“Showing you how to run the tractor?”
“Archery!” He hurriedly walked away and Mr. Humphries smirked at Captain Peacock.
“Cupid better be careful.”
“If he’s going to be at the bow, we’d all best keep our heads down.”
“Maybe we could get him to shoot someone for Mrs. Slocomb.”
“If you suggest, it’ll be on your head.”
Retreat seemed the best path. “I wonder what Mavis made for lunch.”
Peace settled over Millstone Manor once more and Cupid, once more thwarted, flew away for greener fields. Maybe next year, he’d get those two together.
Genre: Are you Being Served/Grace and Favour
Rating: PG
Prompt: Mrs. Slocumb Gets her Knickers in a Knot
Requester: maju01
Maju01, I hope you enjoy your time at Millstone Manor! Thanks for playing along and thanks to Sparky for her beta.
She was a woman of infinite patience.
There weren’t many things that annoyed Mrs. Slocomb. Dirty bathroom sinks, unmade beds, poorly arranged flowers, too much tonic in her G&T upset her day, but this really got up her nose.
But to not receive a single Valentine’s Day card was just too much. There had been sly looks between Miss Lovelock and Captain Peacock and giggles from Mavis about a surprise left on her pillow.
But as for herself? Nothing! She wasn’t happy as all. She paused that the kitchen entrance as the voices floated back to her.
“Did you receive another Valentine’s Day card, Miss Brarhms?” Mavis Moulterd dried her hands on her thin apron. It was one of the few things left her by her mother and she cherished it.
“It just came in the mail.” Shirley sounded very chipper, which annoyed Mrs. Slocomb even more.
“That’s five now, inn’t? Someone in the village has his eye on you.” Mavis was banging about the table, probably cutting bread for lunch.
“I can’t imagine who.”
“Perhaps it was one of those rough farmhands from the pub.”
“You mean the one we was banned from? I shouldn’t think it.” She sat down and slowly opened up the envelope. Mrs. Slocomb could hear the pleasure in her voice. “That’s lovely.”
“I know that return address. It’s Miss Littlewood.”
Mrs. Slocomb could picture the blood drained from Shirley face. She was not pleased about being a matter of infatuation for the magistrate. “Or not. What do you think we should be about Mrs. Slocomb?”
“Didn’t she get anything? Poor thing.”
Mrs. Slocomb caught her breath and hurried away. Now she was a subject of pity. How ignominious!
Miserable, she made her way to the fireplace and started into it. “It’s not fair, Tiddles. I kept my fire going for forty years… ” For her part, Tiddles was less than impressed. She yawned and blinked sleepily. A moment later, Mrs. Slocomb yawned. “It’s not fair.”
“Perhaps I can help,” said a familiar voice and Mrs. Slocomb opened her eyes at the voice of her former department head, Mr. Rumbold. She turned and began to laugh.
He was standing there, wearing nothing but a pair of long johns and a diaper. He has two rather rumpled wings on his back and he was holding a bow and arrow.
“Mr. Rumbold, what are you playing at?”
“I’m not Mr. Rumbold. I am Cupid.”
That made her laugh even harder. “Go on with you then! What are you doing here?”
“Bringing you your wish. You want to be in love. I shall shoot you with my magic arrow and you will madly be in love with the next man you lock eyes with.”
“I don’t need you… oh, get on with it.”
He let the arrow fly and suddenly she felt all warm and happy, just like the way she felt after her second G & T. She giggled and spun around.
Captain Peacock was sitting just a few feet from her and she flirted with him, but he chose that moment to tend to the laces of his shoes. They were rather loose.
Mr. Humphries entered at the moment and she was delighted. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d had a mad crush on him. However, instead of locking eyes with her, he was in a mad search of his Zippo lighter. He ducked behind the bar.
She made a face and turned, only to come nose-to-nose with Morris Moulterd.
“Mrs. Slocomb, yer looking a fine shape of a woman today.”
Her eyes widened, she couldn’t stop from throwing herself into the arms of a very surprised, but delighted Mr. Moulterd. “I knew you’d come around. I’ll just go call the vicar! We can get married this afternoon!”
“Isn’t that rushing it a bit?” Mr. Rumbold asked.”
“And have her come to her senses?” Mr. Humphries now was a cherub and was carrying a basket of flowers, throwing them around the room as he twirled and dipped, well, as much as sense allowed at any rate.
“Why wait that long?” Captain Peacock stood, dressed as a vicar. “Let’s do it now!”
“But, but… I’m not ready.” Yet she was frantic with desire.
“I am.” Mr. Moulterd brushed the dirt from his hands.
“So are we.” Miss Brahms and Mavis stood there, wearing matching dresses.
“Dearly beloved,” Captain Peacock began. “Mrs. Slocomb, you need to stop trying to take Morris’s clothes off… Mrs. Slocomb? Betty?”
She was shaken and Mrs. Slocomb let out a yell and jumped up from where she’d been dozing. “I’m not ready.”
Captain Peacock looked apologetic. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. It’s just that lunch is nearly ready.”
“Oh, Captain Peacock, am I happy to see you.” Just them Mr. Rumbold, dressed in his usual three-piece suit, came down the stairs, clipboard in hand.
“Mrs. Slocomb, a moment of your time. I’m afraid I need to--” he broke off as she hurried to him and hugged him.
“Absolutely, Mr. Rumbold, what you say.”
“But I haven’t said anything yet,” he protested as she released him and headed up the stairs.
“Tell Mavis I might be a little late for lunch, but I’ll be along.”
“What are you going to do?” Captain Peacock watched her hurried climb the stairs.
“Thank my lucky stars!”
“What on earth?” asked Mr. Humphries as he descended the staircase. “Mrs. Slocomb just thanked me for not being interested in her.
“No idea.” Mr. Rumbold clapped his hands together. “I’m ready for a nice lunch. I have quite a big afternoon planned. Mr. Moulterd is going to fit me out.”
“Showing you how to run the tractor?”
“Archery!” He hurriedly walked away and Mr. Humphries smirked at Captain Peacock.
“Cupid better be careful.”
“If he’s going to be at the bow, we’d all best keep our heads down.”
“Maybe we could get him to shoot someone for Mrs. Slocomb.”
“If you suggest, it’ll be on your head.”
Retreat seemed the best path. “I wonder what Mavis made for lunch.”
Peace settled over Millstone Manor once more and Cupid, once more thwarted, flew away for greener fields. Maybe next year, he’d get those two together.