A Christmas fic for Ducky's Lady
Title: Presents Round the Tree
Genre: Addams Family Are You Being Served?
Rating: PG
Word count: 1382
Prompt: 2. Gomez Addams, 4. Mrs. Slocomb, 6. The Perfect Gift
Duckys_lady, I hope you have as much fun with this as I had writing it. Thanks to you for playing along and to Spary955 for the beta.
“Aww, there’s nothing like being back on the continent for the holidays,” Gomez Addams announced. Of course, he wasn’t having to navigate the busy London traffic. That was Lurch’s job and the butler handled it beautifully. For some reason, most people got out of the way for the 1933 Packard V-12. It might have been sheer awe, but it was more like that it looked more like a hearse than a family car. Of course, they weren’t Addams.
“Have you finished your shopping, Gomez?” Morticia’s black veil hid her face from the pedestrians. Thankfully, it was a cloudy day, so she didn’t have to worry about what the sun might do to her corpse white complexion.
“Well, I’ve started,” Gomez admitted. He puffed on a cigarillo while he consulted his list. “I’ve picked up three insect necklaces for the Criswald triplets, an eyeball ring for Cousin Frick.
“A real eyeball?”
Gomez sighed. “I tried, but all I could find were fake ones.
“Faux yeux,” Morticia sighed. “What are the holidays coming to?” Her arm was grasped and her husband was eagerly kissing his way up it.
“Tish, that’s French. Say something else. Chauffer, voyeur, queue, anything.”
“Gomez, shopping now, voyeur later. What did you get for Auntie Snickers?”
“Camouflaged donuts.” At Morticia’s expression, he added. “She’s on a diet. I found a copy of The Strewwelpeter by Dr. Hoffman* for the baby.”
Morticia clasped her hands together. “How lovely. I remember how happy I was when Mother would read, The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb to Ophelia and myself as children.” Her eyes half closed as she recited,
The door flew open, in he ran,
The great, long, red-legged scissor-man.
Oh! children, see! the tailor's come
And caught out little Suck-a-Thumb.
Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out 'Oh! Oh! Oh!'
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast,
That both his thumbs are off at last.
She smiled. “Oh, the simple pleasures of childhood and to think now we can share it with our children.”
“There’s just one more very special person on my list I must shop for.” He winked and Morticia nodded.
“And I, you, mon cher.” She held up a finger as Gomez leaned forward. He nipped at the finger, then snuffed out his cigarillo and leaned forward. “Lurch, I see the store I want ahead. If you will, let me off there and escort Mrs. Addams to her destination.”
Lurch rumbled something and Gomez nodded. “About an hour should be perfect.”
“Don’t be late, Gomez. Cousin Antoinette has promised a fabulous feast tonight.”
“Not to worry.”
Gomez stepped out of the car and stood before the store, his eyes glistening. Their friendship went back a long ways. Hopefully, the old boy would be in.”
Mrs. Slocomb watched her last customer walk away. “Ungrateful cow,” she murmured. The pile of hats was only equal to the pile of purses. “I hate window shoppers,” she muttered.
Miss Brahms looked up from the lower cabinet. “It were a right cock up that the only one she liked was her own.” She glanced over at the clock. “Oh, I can’t wait for quitting time. My feet are killing me.”
“Why don’t you take all the hats back to the fitting room and put your feet up for a few minutes?” There were no customers around and Captain Peacock had been called in to Mr. Rumbold’s office.
“Oh, thank you, Mrs. Slocomb!”
“And see if you can hide those coats somewhere. The smell is right turning my stomach. I had three customers ask if we were having plumbing problems. After you put the hats away, Miss Brahms.”
“Yes, Mrs. Slocomb.” She gathered up all the hats and made a face at the black and white coats. She disappeared behind the curtain.
Once she was gone, Mrs. Slocomb stepped out of her shoes and flexed her toes.
Mr. Humphries hurried across the floor to her counter. “Are we still on… have you shrunk?”
“No, just took my shoes. I’m puffed.” She brushed back a strand of bright green hair back into its constraints.
“Remember that I will be picking you up at seven.”
“Right. Are you sure there’s nothing I can bring?”
“A pud would be nice.”
“At the price they’re asking?”
“Then a bottle of gin.”
“I’ll bring the pud.” The sound of an approaching elevator cut her off and Mr. Humphries hurried back to his counter.
The man who stepped out was elegantly dressed and carried himself well. He looked around as if a king surveying his domain, stopping when he spotted Mrs. Slocomb.
“I know you,” she murmured and eased her aching feet back into her heels. “Mr. Addams, how good to see you again.”
“Mrs. Slocomb, charming as always.” Gomez Addams took her hand and brushed his lips across the back of it. “You only become more and more attractive with time.”
She giggled and looked a bit mischievous. “Good genes and plenty of base.”
“Mrs. Addams could take lessons from you. You have the look of the grave about you.”
Mrs. Slocomb snatched her hand back. “What can I help you with?”
“I need something special for Mrs. Addams. It must be feminine and unique, but charming.”
“We have some very nice fur coats.”
“Any with the animals still in them? Nothing like a bit of a tussle to start off the perfect evening.”
“Not as a rule. They are rather pricey, I’m afraid.”
“Nothing is too good for my Cara. Money is no object.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, Mrs. Slocomb ran to grab the jacket rail. She wheeled it in from of Gomez. “These are very stylish at the moment.”
“Do you have anything floor length?”
“Of course.”
Miss Brahms exited from the backroom and her eyes grew large as Mrs. Slocomb wheeled out the floor-length fur coats. “Blimey.”
“Yes, and he’s mine!” Mrs. Slocomb shot daggers at her assistant. “Get rid of those.” She pointed to a pile of the aforementioned jackets. “If anyone is having a Merry Christmas around here, it’s me.”
Taking a deep breath, Miss Brahms gathered up the coats.
Gomez flipped by one coat after another. He wanted something special, something perfect, then he spotted Miss Brahms.
“What about one of those?” He pointed to the armful of fur coats the younger woman held.
“Oh, you don’t want those. They… are factory rejects.”
“Nonsense! Young woman?” He gestured to Miss Brahms, who hesitantly approached. He picked up the top one and shook it out. The black and white fur caught the fluorescent lights and shimmered. “This is perfect! Who would have dreamed to make a coat out of skunk?”
“But, sir, the smell?”
“All the better. I’ll take it… in fact, I’ll take all of them. What’s Christmas if you can’t spoil the ones you love?”
“Ahhh, but we haven’t even marked them yet.”
“Would this be enough?” Gomez pulled out a wad of bills and peeled several off. He placed them into Miss Brahms’s hand. “Split evenly between the two of you, of course.” He smiled at Mrs. Slocomb.
She plastered on a fake smile. “Of course, Mr. Addams.”
“Enchanting, as always.” Gomez took her hand and kissed it, slipping a couple extra notes into her hand. Then he repeated the gesture with Miss Brahms. “Pick out something nice for yourselves.”
The elevator door opened and Mr. Grace stepped out, helped by his chauffeur. “There you are, Gomez.”
“I’ll be right there, old boy!” He turned back to the two women. “If you will wrap those up in your festive best, I will send for them tomorrow.”
“Of course, sir. If I may be so bold, how is it that you know old Mr. Grace?”
“Oh, our families go back together a long time. My ancestor hexed his ancestor.” Gomez took a lit cigarillo out of his pocket and bounded up the stairs. “So, how goes the business in Borneo?”
“Incredible,” Mrs. Slocomb managed.
“Did you see what he gave me?” Miss Brahms stared at the money in her hand. “That’s more that I make in two weeks here. What does it mean, Mrs. Slocomb?”
She smiled wisely as she watched Gomez and her boss leave. “It means I’m buying the Christmas pud.”
Genre: Addams Family Are You Being Served?
Rating: PG
Word count: 1382
Prompt: 2. Gomez Addams, 4. Mrs. Slocomb, 6. The Perfect Gift
Duckys_lady, I hope you have as much fun with this as I had writing it. Thanks to you for playing along and to Spary955 for the beta.
“Aww, there’s nothing like being back on the continent for the holidays,” Gomez Addams announced. Of course, he wasn’t having to navigate the busy London traffic. That was Lurch’s job and the butler handled it beautifully. For some reason, most people got out of the way for the 1933 Packard V-12. It might have been sheer awe, but it was more like that it looked more like a hearse than a family car. Of course, they weren’t Addams.
“Have you finished your shopping, Gomez?” Morticia’s black veil hid her face from the pedestrians. Thankfully, it was a cloudy day, so she didn’t have to worry about what the sun might do to her corpse white complexion.
“Well, I’ve started,” Gomez admitted. He puffed on a cigarillo while he consulted his list. “I’ve picked up three insect necklaces for the Criswald triplets, an eyeball ring for Cousin Frick.
“A real eyeball?”
Gomez sighed. “I tried, but all I could find were fake ones.
“Faux yeux,” Morticia sighed. “What are the holidays coming to?” Her arm was grasped and her husband was eagerly kissing his way up it.
“Tish, that’s French. Say something else. Chauffer, voyeur, queue, anything.”
“Gomez, shopping now, voyeur later. What did you get for Auntie Snickers?”
“Camouflaged donuts.” At Morticia’s expression, he added. “She’s on a diet. I found a copy of The Strewwelpeter by Dr. Hoffman* for the baby.”
Morticia clasped her hands together. “How lovely. I remember how happy I was when Mother would read, The Story of Little Suck-a-Thumb to Ophelia and myself as children.” Her eyes half closed as she recited,
The door flew open, in he ran,
The great, long, red-legged scissor-man.
Oh! children, see! the tailor's come
And caught out little Suck-a-Thumb.
Snip! Snap! Snip! the scissors go;
And Conrad cries out 'Oh! Oh! Oh!'
Snip! Snap! Snip! They go so fast,
That both his thumbs are off at last.
She smiled. “Oh, the simple pleasures of childhood and to think now we can share it with our children.”
“There’s just one more very special person on my list I must shop for.” He winked and Morticia nodded.
“And I, you, mon cher.” She held up a finger as Gomez leaned forward. He nipped at the finger, then snuffed out his cigarillo and leaned forward. “Lurch, I see the store I want ahead. If you will, let me off there and escort Mrs. Addams to her destination.”
Lurch rumbled something and Gomez nodded. “About an hour should be perfect.”
“Don’t be late, Gomez. Cousin Antoinette has promised a fabulous feast tonight.”
“Not to worry.”
Gomez stepped out of the car and stood before the store, his eyes glistening. Their friendship went back a long ways. Hopefully, the old boy would be in.”
Mrs. Slocomb watched her last customer walk away. “Ungrateful cow,” she murmured. The pile of hats was only equal to the pile of purses. “I hate window shoppers,” she muttered.
Miss Brahms looked up from the lower cabinet. “It were a right cock up that the only one she liked was her own.” She glanced over at the clock. “Oh, I can’t wait for quitting time. My feet are killing me.”
“Why don’t you take all the hats back to the fitting room and put your feet up for a few minutes?” There were no customers around and Captain Peacock had been called in to Mr. Rumbold’s office.
“Oh, thank you, Mrs. Slocomb!”
“And see if you can hide those coats somewhere. The smell is right turning my stomach. I had three customers ask if we were having plumbing problems. After you put the hats away, Miss Brahms.”
“Yes, Mrs. Slocomb.” She gathered up all the hats and made a face at the black and white coats. She disappeared behind the curtain.
Once she was gone, Mrs. Slocomb stepped out of her shoes and flexed her toes.
Mr. Humphries hurried across the floor to her counter. “Are we still on… have you shrunk?”
“No, just took my shoes. I’m puffed.” She brushed back a strand of bright green hair back into its constraints.
“Remember that I will be picking you up at seven.”
“Right. Are you sure there’s nothing I can bring?”
“A pud would be nice.”
“At the price they’re asking?”
“Then a bottle of gin.”
“I’ll bring the pud.” The sound of an approaching elevator cut her off and Mr. Humphries hurried back to his counter.
The man who stepped out was elegantly dressed and carried himself well. He looked around as if a king surveying his domain, stopping when he spotted Mrs. Slocomb.
“I know you,” she murmured and eased her aching feet back into her heels. “Mr. Addams, how good to see you again.”
“Mrs. Slocomb, charming as always.” Gomez Addams took her hand and brushed his lips across the back of it. “You only become more and more attractive with time.”
She giggled and looked a bit mischievous. “Good genes and plenty of base.”
“Mrs. Addams could take lessons from you. You have the look of the grave about you.”
Mrs. Slocomb snatched her hand back. “What can I help you with?”
“I need something special for Mrs. Addams. It must be feminine and unique, but charming.”
“We have some very nice fur coats.”
“Any with the animals still in them? Nothing like a bit of a tussle to start off the perfect evening.”
“Not as a rule. They are rather pricey, I’m afraid.”
“Nothing is too good for my Cara. Money is no object.”
Without a moment’s hesitation, Mrs. Slocomb ran to grab the jacket rail. She wheeled it in from of Gomez. “These are very stylish at the moment.”
“Do you have anything floor length?”
“Of course.”
Miss Brahms exited from the backroom and her eyes grew large as Mrs. Slocomb wheeled out the floor-length fur coats. “Blimey.”
“Yes, and he’s mine!” Mrs. Slocomb shot daggers at her assistant. “Get rid of those.” She pointed to a pile of the aforementioned jackets. “If anyone is having a Merry Christmas around here, it’s me.”
Taking a deep breath, Miss Brahms gathered up the coats.
Gomez flipped by one coat after another. He wanted something special, something perfect, then he spotted Miss Brahms.
“What about one of those?” He pointed to the armful of fur coats the younger woman held.
“Oh, you don’t want those. They… are factory rejects.”
“Nonsense! Young woman?” He gestured to Miss Brahms, who hesitantly approached. He picked up the top one and shook it out. The black and white fur caught the fluorescent lights and shimmered. “This is perfect! Who would have dreamed to make a coat out of skunk?”
“But, sir, the smell?”
“All the better. I’ll take it… in fact, I’ll take all of them. What’s Christmas if you can’t spoil the ones you love?”
“Ahhh, but we haven’t even marked them yet.”
“Would this be enough?” Gomez pulled out a wad of bills and peeled several off. He placed them into Miss Brahms’s hand. “Split evenly between the two of you, of course.” He smiled at Mrs. Slocomb.
She plastered on a fake smile. “Of course, Mr. Addams.”
“Enchanting, as always.” Gomez took her hand and kissed it, slipping a couple extra notes into her hand. Then he repeated the gesture with Miss Brahms. “Pick out something nice for yourselves.”
The elevator door opened and Mr. Grace stepped out, helped by his chauffeur. “There you are, Gomez.”
“I’ll be right there, old boy!” He turned back to the two women. “If you will wrap those up in your festive best, I will send for them tomorrow.”
“Of course, sir. If I may be so bold, how is it that you know old Mr. Grace?”
“Oh, our families go back together a long time. My ancestor hexed his ancestor.” Gomez took a lit cigarillo out of his pocket and bounded up the stairs. “So, how goes the business in Borneo?”
“Incredible,” Mrs. Slocomb managed.
“Did you see what he gave me?” Miss Brahms stared at the money in her hand. “That’s more that I make in two weeks here. What does it mean, Mrs. Slocomb?”
She smiled wisely as she watched Gomez and her boss leave. “It means I’m buying the Christmas pud.”