(no subject)
That pain is trying to work it's way back in. Most of it coming from extreme uncertainty. Before it was easier, if I wasn't getting what I deserved so much, I could just move on if I wanted to. But now it's going to be different. I won't be in the position for dating new people. So it's keep hoping that things will work out, or really plan to be alone.
I wouldn't push anyone to do anything, so I'm going to take the hits as they come. Even though this could leave my life a lot harder, I will most likely never accomplish my goals. And in this situation it hurts knowing that I could be an unwed failure. That my parents will definitely see me as the daughter that couldn't do a thing right.
I will admit I've been carrying some serious depression with me. Because I guess I was naive. I gave in to a future that seemed happy, and now I'm really not sure if it will every be back to that. Getting yanked around like I'm caught on a fish hook... it's fine it's not fine, we're getting there, we aren't..I grew up knowing that people fell in love, and that when they do they start a life together. That's what I wanted. And now that's something I may never get. So no, there is a certain subject that I don't want right now. Because while sometimes it makes me feel alive, it only perpetuates that I may be spending more of my life waiting for someone that doesn't seem to love me enough. At least that's what the situation would show to the naked eye.
With this and the stress going on at home, worried about money, how I'm going to get through it all...I'll be amazed if I make it all the way to the end. I'm really scared.
I wouldn't push anyone to do anything, so I'm going to take the hits as they come. Even though this could leave my life a lot harder, I will most likely never accomplish my goals. And in this situation it hurts knowing that I could be an unwed failure. That my parents will definitely see me as the daughter that couldn't do a thing right.
I will admit I've been carrying some serious depression with me. Because I guess I was naive. I gave in to a future that seemed happy, and now I'm really not sure if it will every be back to that. Getting yanked around like I'm caught on a fish hook... it's fine it's not fine, we're getting there, we aren't..I grew up knowing that people fell in love, and that when they do they start a life together. That's what I wanted. And now that's something I may never get. So no, there is a certain subject that I don't want right now. Because while sometimes it makes me feel alive, it only perpetuates that I may be spending more of my life waiting for someone that doesn't seem to love me enough. At least that's what the situation would show to the naked eye.
With this and the stress going on at home, worried about money, how I'm going to get through it all...I'll be amazed if I make it all the way to the end. I'm really scared.