(no subject)

[spikeprncss666]

so basically this is just a rant so i'd stop reading now if i were you....alright, so for the past couple days and especially today i'm in one of those moods where i just think it'd be better if i didn't exist at all. I'm realizing how juvenile my desires for a person are and that i really don't have the chance i keep fooling myself into thinking that i have. I just don't know what to do. I like him way too much and now we don't see each other because of course i don't live in maine. Our conversations are stupid now and i'm not completely sure why. its just the formalities of hi and whatnot and then maybe a little small talk but then its usually just nothing. lately i've been just going to bed without even saying goodnight, i doubt he notices. i really wana give up on all of this. i just wana curl up in a ball and disappear at this point. he's gonna spend all summer around her and not that i had a chance anyway but i'm just gonna fade out of the picture. i dont know if i can deal with this. i don't think i want to deal with this.
i miss school already, not so much the work cus i have enough of that around here anyway, but my friends. i miss being able to go chill in their rooms and just hang out. now i'm too far away and none of us have time for the others anymore i feel. i dont know when i'm gonna find time to visit, or maybe i dont want to...i know there are certain ones i really wana see like tarra and sarah cus i miss them the most i think. I'm realizing now who i miss from home as well, there are very few people in that list now. i've tried to contact my girlie but she fails to call back or even feign caring about the fact that i'm home. lisa and i hung out the day before yesterday, we just chilled cus the weather rained out tennis, but we will play soon. i missed having her around, but other than that i dont know. Alex and i have fun when we chill so i think they're gonna be the ones my summer interacts with. ::sighs:: i give up on life