yes, one of those "when we were younger" entries... cheesy, aint it?
remember when we were little? you may have been one of those adorable little scamps that people would say "oooh, i just want to take him/her home" to the person they are walking with, or perhaps you were one of those happy kids who was interested in nature and crayons and shiny things that everyone thought was so full of potential... or maybe you were just a brat.
i think i was a painfully time-consuming conglomerate of the last two descriptions, back when my parents did believe i could be a doctor and my shrill chorus of "i want it"s and "i dont want to"s either got me a candy bar or a spanking. either way, i'm one of the lucky ones. i got a second chance at having a family. my first family either didn't want me or couldn't keep me so someone who might as well have been God plucked me up and brought me across an ocean to a family who did. i wasn't ever lonely, i didn't go without presents for christmas or birthdays, or have to watch and not understand why my mom or dad was tired because they had to work three jobs each just to make ends meet.
forgive me, but i feel that i am more selfish now, more absorbed in things that have me whimpering "life is so complicated"... i catch myself sulking at times. christ, i hate that.
maybe the truth to the situation is that i may be a little lonely, i wish that i still had potential coming out my ears, and maybe i wish that my parents weren't so tired all the time because they are working hard to put me through college and still have enough left over to save up for the cottage on the beach they've always wanted. i really wish that bad things didn't happen to good people. i wish i had the ability to turn someone's bad day into a good one, or atleast a "things will be better tomorrow" day.
i think i just needed to remind myself of the good things people did for me when i was younger. i think that part of being older means that i am the one responsible for making sure that i'm not lonely, that christmas and birthdays will be happy, and letting my tired parents know that their hard work isn't going unnoticed.
i think i was a painfully time-consuming conglomerate of the last two descriptions, back when my parents did believe i could be a doctor and my shrill chorus of "i want it"s and "i dont want to"s either got me a candy bar or a spanking. either way, i'm one of the lucky ones. i got a second chance at having a family. my first family either didn't want me or couldn't keep me so someone who might as well have been God plucked me up and brought me across an ocean to a family who did. i wasn't ever lonely, i didn't go without presents for christmas or birthdays, or have to watch and not understand why my mom or dad was tired because they had to work three jobs each just to make ends meet.
forgive me, but i feel that i am more selfish now, more absorbed in things that have me whimpering "life is so complicated"... i catch myself sulking at times. christ, i hate that.
maybe the truth to the situation is that i may be a little lonely, i wish that i still had potential coming out my ears, and maybe i wish that my parents weren't so tired all the time because they are working hard to put me through college and still have enough left over to save up for the cottage on the beach they've always wanted. i really wish that bad things didn't happen to good people. i wish i had the ability to turn someone's bad day into a good one, or atleast a "things will be better tomorrow" day.
i think i just needed to remind myself of the good things people did for me when i was younger. i think that part of being older means that i am the one responsible for making sure that i'm not lonely, that christmas and birthdays will be happy, and letting my tired parents know that their hard work isn't going unnoticed.