love

[spike_nova]

love is what i feel when i look into your eyes, and love is what i see when you look into mine. love is what calms my mind when i think of you. love is what makes my heart heal when you run up and hug me anxiously. love is what makes my soul jump when you kiss me. love is what lets me sleep at night when you hold me. love is what wakes me up in

Comments

Re: hey hate to return the favor but I never remember an apology

[spike_nova]

kyle i wasnt accusing you of doing herion i wasnt accusing you of doing anything ok. and it wasnt three time i came to santa rosa and didnt tell you it was once. and i tried to keep you close but you moved and you became depresed and started hateing life i tried to help you through it but my words didnt get through to you. and as for the staement that was made a year ago some of it was said out of anger some of jealouse behavior and some of stupidity ok. i wanted to game with you those nights i realy did cuse i knew it would be a way forus to get to know eachother agin but i didnt think you realy wanted to game with me kyle espeacialy since after all the arguing and name calling weve been doing. hell honestly i thought you wer only talking to me cuse kat was best friends with nikki. i was surprised you called me and wanted me to even come down to santa rosa. i love nikki alot more than any one would realy under stand i realy do. and i have told her i dont like hearing about brian and ive told her i dont like her writeing him. and the reason why i got so angry, protective of nikki and started catching everything on fire was for the first time in my life i had found the perfect woman for me and it felt like the whole world was against me even you and ryan the to people that wer there for me through the thickest of my shit. i realy do appologise for the words i have said. all manners of life lash out when in paine or thier affraid you know this as well as anyone else kyle. i was scared i was in paine im through it now and im am sorry if you wer hurt or burned. im done arguing and being angry kyle if you want to we can try to build a new bridge but if you dont want to ill understand.

SPELL CHECK TIME

[nekomimi03]

spell check time!
seriously. get a dictionary or something. IT EVEN DOES IT FOR YOU ON THIS SITE!
wasnt wasn't
herion heroin
wasnt wasn't
wasnt wasn't
didnt didn't
depresed depressed
hateing hating
didnt didn't
staement statement
jealouse jealous
realy really
cuse cause
forus for us
eachother each other
agin again
didnt didn't
realy really
espeacialy especially
weve we've
wer we're
cuse cause
realy really
realy really
dont don't
dont don't
writeing writing
wer we're
realy really
appologise apologies
thier their
affraid afraid
im I'm
im I'm
wer we're
im I'm
dont don't

Re: hey hate to return the favor but I never remember an apology

[talkor_zuel]

first of all, out of anger, jealousy, fear, or pain why would you say those kinds of things to the people in your life that might as well have been your brothers. Out of everyone at your grandmother's funeral, who were the two people that may not have been the closest but your grandfather still welcomed full heartedly and who you rode with to see her put to earth? Who out of all the people you knew went out of their fucking way to come get you every time you felt down, depressed? As far as the bitching and the moaning about being pinched and poked from what I understand Nikki does that kind of shit ALL the time to you and now you say you like it? WTF? doesn't make any sense bro, think about that before you respond to this. As far as the government funding for you schooling.....I'm sorry to say it but I am glad you lost it. If everything gets handed to you in this life you will never understand why you have to work for something or why you need to try. Being that you had alot of things easy as you grew up at your grandparents I could see you lost the urge (if you ever had it in the first place) to try/work for what you want and need. As far as "i love nikki alot more than any one would realy under stand i realy do" I believe you don't really know that Will. Keep in mind all the shit that I have gone through because of, and with Rebekka before you make a comment like that. If there is anyone who would understand loving some one that much it would be me by far. The next best person that would understand... you may not believe it.... would be your grandfather. Don't hurt him man, you mean so much more to him than you will ever know and we all know it KILLS him to see you throwing so much away and not trying anymore. We also all know that the only reason he is being hard on you at all anymore is because he cares, as sick as it sounds that is the only reason I was ever hard on you in the first place. As far as this brian guy goes, if you have told her that you dont like her writing him and she continues to do it don't you think that would raise some flags in your mind that she might not care if it hurts you? I know that if Rebekka did something like that to me and continued after I told her how i felt about it I wouldn't allow it to continue. That may seem controlling but being in a relationship that works means that if you have a problem like that then there are sacrifices that must be made. In this case one sacrifice would be on her part, and it would be to stop communication with the convict immediately. William if you want to fix bridges man, find a way to build them, and find it fast, because the longer you wait to try and build them... the longer it will take to build them back later and the harder it will be. This is one way you still have to contact us, don't lose this way because you don't want to try and try hard now. William you have alot of growing up to do, I recommend, for your sake, do it NOW and do it QUICK. It will not be easier but you will be a stronger man for it in the future. If you need advice on how to do it, believe me Kyle and I are two good sources to learn from, because we have already learned from our mistakes and are on the right path. If you don't want to believe that and don't/can't bring yourself to ask us for the advice I will tell you that the absolute best person on the planet to ask would be your grandfather, no matter how hard you might believe it to be. Just do it bro, and get your ass to building...

Until you try- I'm out
Ryan

Re: hey hate to return the favor but I never remember an apology

[spike_nova]

I said those things because I had given in to the pain in my heart. I was blind I was numb and my wits were nonexistent. I was extremely thankful for all the times you guys were there for me and when you guys came to the funeral. I MEAN IT YOU GUYS WERE THE ONLY ONES THAT KNEW WHAT I WAS GOING THROUGH. I never said thank you I’m saying it now thank you Ryan & Kyle for being there for me when I needed you. and truthfully Ryan I don’t like it when Nikki pokes me or bites me either she can tell you that. I let you guys do it because its you and I didn’t want you guys and still don’t want you guys to stop being yourselves. and honestly I was happy in a weird way when I lost the federal funding because I knew it would be a chance to prove to not only myself but to you guys that I am trying my hardest to get out of the habits and mental tweaks I have. and as for me saying that I love Nikki more than any one would understand isn’t what I meant to say. I am not saying you or Kyle or my grandpa don’t know what love is or what hardship is. what I was trying to say with that is for the first time I felt a love that wasn’t like a brothers love or a parents love I felt a love than made me feel warm at my scared and broken center all the shit every one put me through over my short years on this planet just seemed to disappear I stop thinking about Jennifer and video games and I stopped think about TV all I could think about was moving with her getting a good solid job and starting a family. I’ve told her to stop writing Brian and she is doing so she is just like you and Rebecca were she just has a few demons to get out of her system just like I still have some to get out of mine. and for my situation with my grandpa its improving I’m remembering to do more around the house I’m paying my debts off and I’m busting my ass to find a better job I’m bugging spas I’m applying every where but its seems that they just don’t want to hire me but I haven’t stopped yet I’m still looking I will always look for a better job. like I said before Ryan I’m ready to grow up I’m sorry for the things I’ve done and I know nothing will take the words I’ve said away but I’m trying now.

Re: hey hate to return the favor but I never remember an apology

[talkor_zuel]

As far as not liking it when Nikki pokes and bites at you, if you don't like it, tell her to stop, if she doesn't yell at her to stop, if she still doesn't take it to the next step and make her stop hurting you by restraining her if need be. All the times I called you spineless was for that exact reason William, you don't make the people stop hurting you, you just sit there and take it, and take it, and take it and don't stand up for yourself and then you bitch about it. Do it sooner, don't whine about it, stop it first. As far as the Brian thing goes, it shouldn't even be an issue, pay attention to that. I understand you love her, but you also have to remember that if you are trying to grow up and she isn't then you will not be able to either. Talking to the Brian guy is childish in the first place, from what I understand he is in jail for basically kicking people's asses. That is fucking childish in itself. You don't go to jail for fighting people for childish reasons. The fact that she still talks to him is a slap in the face and if I were you I would probably send him a letter myself telling him to stay the hell away from your woman. As for her, ask yourself the next time she mentions him, or mentions writing to him, ask yourself why she is in the first place. Is it to hurt you? Is it to slap you in the face? Is it cause she still has feelings for him? If you answer yes to any of those questions then you need to address the issue with her before any other issue. As far as starting a family... DON'T.. not until you and her have both grown up fully and can support it. Otherwise you will be working 3 jobs, she will be mentally fucked and your kids will be screwed. Live a bit before you start a family, if you aren't established in life you will fail in marriage and fatherhood and that will be the worst pain you have ever felt, or that you will ever feel again guaranteed. Remember the pain from that failure doesn't just go away, or get fixed easily, it lives in your soul for the rest of your life man. Like I said, grow up and fix those bridges, it sounds like you are on the right path, keep on it and show us all that you have the strength that we all know you have. After you get your head straight, and your life straight, and nikki and kat have fixed things between them and so on then get your shit together and save up that cash and move to where the people around you would fucking kill for you.

Whether you believe it or not William Kyle and I still love you like a fucking brother. We just can't sit by and watch you hurt yourself anymore after we have tried so hard to stop you from being hurt. If we stood by and watched it happen more and more we wouldn't be true friends. True friends will say and do things that hurt their friends to get the point across if it is important enough.

We love you brother
-Ryan