(no subject)
I feel like i'm repeatedly being hit by a train.. or falling down the stairs of life and smashing my head on each and every one. I'm getting nowhere fast and it's driving me insane. I'm literally going crazy. My mom is taking all my money to save, leaving me with enough for gas to get to work and back only, except I haven't had the truck in over a week so i've been bumming rides and then mom hasn't let me go out after work the last 3 nights. Anthony's been home from Cali for 5 days already and I haven't seen him yet due to having no truck, having work, and then not being allowed out after work. It's bull. He's been gone almost a full year and he's only home for 2 weeks.
I want tattoos, I want to go to Wildwood with Kristen, I want to go to Warped Tour, I wanted to go to the TBS show in Philly tomorrow, I wanted to stay at Great Wold Lodge with Alyshia last weekend, I want to go to Hershey with Cara & Amanda, I need a haircut, a bathing suit, some summer clothes, etc. And I can't do any of that. None. Bc my mom's holding my money til the end of the summer. Everytime I get a paycheck, [every 2 weeks] she takes all of it and hands me $50 for the week. It's REALLY pissing me off and i'm gonna snap. I'm working like a fucking dog and she gives me $50. When i'm not working, she's like why don't you have work today? When do you work next?
I've been cleaning more than usual too, it's like they make bigger messes every morning. I've always had to clean the coffee pot when i woke up. 2 coffee cups, a spoon, and an ashtray. Wipe the table & countertops off. Yesterday I was tempted to leave everything there. They left me a full clean dishwasher, a full sink of dirty dishes, and their popcorn pot from the night before was still on the stove. Plus the coffee pot & usual stuff. So I couldn't start anything until the dishwasher was emptied first and it was a big pain in the ass. I really thought about adding all my dirty dishes to the pile in the sink & saying they did it so why couldn't I? But i know i'd get bitched out to no end and I'd rather avoid that. But THEN I went down the cellar to switch laundry and there's no detergent. And i needed to wash work pants in order to wear them to work last night. So I wound up putting the baking soda stuff in the wash & rinsing every last drop of detergent out of the already empty bottle. And they probably weren't actually clean when they were done, but I needed to wear them anyway. I would've just went and bought the detergent, but I had no truck. My dad's transmission went AGAIN, 2nd time in 3 weeks, so he's been using my truck.
I know all this shit in here is little minor things, but when they're all together, they are really setting me off and I can't wait to go back to school. I feel like i'm being taken advantage of so bad. Like they know they can just leave the house a mess because they KNOW that when they get home it will be all cleaned up and the counter tops will be sparkling. Fuck that. I'm pissed. I spent last weekend at Brenna's house. It was amazing. Didn't have to do ANYTHING but enjoy being with some of my college friends. Didn't have to clean, wake up at any certain time, we drank & smoked in the house cus her mom's living w her new bf now. We built a huge fort in the living room and watched a movie under it. We went to mike's apartment saturday night & came back to Brenna's & made spaghetti at 4 in the morning and then slept in the fort. It was a beautiful weekend. But it made coming home even worse. I can't do any of that at home. None. I have to be home at 12 half the time or i can't go out at all, i don't have money to do anything. ahhh im gonna stop now. I'm done. The end.
Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same
There is no love here, there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same
I want tattoos, I want to go to Wildwood with Kristen, I want to go to Warped Tour, I wanted to go to the TBS show in Philly tomorrow, I wanted to stay at Great Wold Lodge with Alyshia last weekend, I want to go to Hershey with Cara & Amanda, I need a haircut, a bathing suit, some summer clothes, etc. And I can't do any of that. None. Bc my mom's holding my money til the end of the summer. Everytime I get a paycheck, [every 2 weeks] she takes all of it and hands me $50 for the week. It's REALLY pissing me off and i'm gonna snap. I'm working like a fucking dog and she gives me $50. When i'm not working, she's like why don't you have work today? When do you work next?
I've been cleaning more than usual too, it's like they make bigger messes every morning. I've always had to clean the coffee pot when i woke up. 2 coffee cups, a spoon, and an ashtray. Wipe the table & countertops off. Yesterday I was tempted to leave everything there. They left me a full clean dishwasher, a full sink of dirty dishes, and their popcorn pot from the night before was still on the stove. Plus the coffee pot & usual stuff. So I couldn't start anything until the dishwasher was emptied first and it was a big pain in the ass. I really thought about adding all my dirty dishes to the pile in the sink & saying they did it so why couldn't I? But i know i'd get bitched out to no end and I'd rather avoid that. But THEN I went down the cellar to switch laundry and there's no detergent. And i needed to wash work pants in order to wear them to work last night. So I wound up putting the baking soda stuff in the wash & rinsing every last drop of detergent out of the already empty bottle. And they probably weren't actually clean when they were done, but I needed to wear them anyway. I would've just went and bought the detergent, but I had no truck. My dad's transmission went AGAIN, 2nd time in 3 weeks, so he's been using my truck.
I know all this shit in here is little minor things, but when they're all together, they are really setting me off and I can't wait to go back to school. I feel like i'm being taken advantage of so bad. Like they know they can just leave the house a mess because they KNOW that when they get home it will be all cleaned up and the counter tops will be sparkling. Fuck that. I'm pissed. I spent last weekend at Brenna's house. It was amazing. Didn't have to do ANYTHING but enjoy being with some of my college friends. Didn't have to clean, wake up at any certain time, we drank & smoked in the house cus her mom's living w her new bf now. We built a huge fort in the living room and watched a movie under it. We went to mike's apartment saturday night & came back to Brenna's & made spaghetti at 4 in the morning and then slept in the fort. It was a beautiful weekend. But it made coming home even worse. I can't do any of that at home. None. I have to be home at 12 half the time or i can't go out at all, i don't have money to do anything. ahhh im gonna stop now. I'm done. The end.
Everyday is exactly the same
Everyday is exactly the same
There is no love here, there is no pain
Everyday is exactly the same