(Witty subject one liner...)
before all else, i have to admit something... I scared myself today, lol i went to shift and my finger his my ashtray and i freaked out a little lol.
So yeah, its been a while and a lot has happened, and a lot hasnt happened as well. I dont know where to begin or what details to share. Soem things are best left in the recesses of your mind. Well yeah so i did a scholarship essay on my biggest obstical, if you want to read it, its in teh LJ cut below....
In life there are many obstacles that we have to overcome. Some of them are easy, like learning to drive a car, but then there are others; others that take a lot of work to get over. When I was 18 years old, I was officially diagnosed with Thorasic Kyphosis, also known as “hunch back syndrome”. Prior to my diagnosis, my peers and strangers often teased or laughed at me, without regard for my feelings. My parents thought that I was just slouching, and did not think much of it until I started constantly complaining about back pain.
For about nine years, I convinced myself that all I had to do was just force myself to stand up straight and all my problems would go away. After years of trying, on my part and on the part of my parents, we decided it was time to have my back officially checked out. On that faithful day in March when my x-ray results were in, I was slightly mortified and yet vindicated to discover that I had a legitimate problem with my back. I learned that day that my T-11 vertebrate and the ones on either side of it had been growing wedge shaped for many years. So much that my T-11 vertebrate was almost triangularly shaped, instead of the typical rectangular vertebrate one would expect to see.
Knowing I had a problem with my back came as a bit of ambivalent news. The first doctor I went to said that there was nothing that could be done for my back at this point. This did not sit well with parents and most certainly not with me. It became necessary to get a second opinion and research options to ‘fix’ my back. After extensive searching we finally found a surgeon at Children’s National Hospital in Washington D.C. whom had a high success rate with correcting scoliosis and Kyphosis problems. On July 9th 2004, Dr. Michael Thomas spent 14 hours operating on my back. He was successful in correcting my back from a 99* curve to a more normal one, in the 50* range. The appearance was immediately noticed by my parents, who saw me lay flat for the first time in over 9 years. Unfortunately the surgery was the easiest part of my back problems.
Recovery was a long and hard process. I was in counseling to help me deal with the changes that my body went through and to hopefully prevent me from becoming addicted to my painkillers. I underwent a week of physical therapy in the hospital before I was allowed to go home. Though I was excited to go home, I knew that I still had a difficult road ahead of me. Having only learned to walk again a few days prior to my release, there where many things that I could not yet do. Among other things, I could not bath or go to the bathroom on my own, my medicine was suppressing my appetite and I was on an entirely different sleep cycle than my family. As time passed, I was able to do more and more on my own. To this day, there is still a laundry list of things that I cannot do and that I will not be able to do ever again.
Since my operation, I have attended my first year of college at the Rochester Institute of Technology. At RIT in addition to achieving a 3.5 cumulative GPA for the year, I volunteered at Rochester community vineyard: helping to pick grapes and other vegetables, organized photographers to shoot the Hustle For Habitat 5K tsunami relief race, and have been selected to be a Resident Advisor for the 2005-2006 school year. My parents say that my positive attitude in what appeared to be the darkest hours, are what have allowed me to achieve so much, and will continue to allow me to achieve great things. This operation has served as kind of a benchmark for me in my life. I left the old me on the operating room table, and immerged out the other side, a healthy, strong individual, who is always ready to tackle the next big challenge.
Mind you i am trying to win $2,ooo, so i gussied it up a little bit, a bit, but its all true, but i had to make it sound like i am super proud and i had to make it sound positive. Cuz those ppl like a positive spin on things
okay so yeah, ive been home a little over a month i guess, and its kinda weird, home is definately not how i thought it would be, but again, lets make this positive, and yeah im streghthened (sp) some relationships, and others seem to have fallen threw the cracks. I made a confession to one friend and thank god shes so totally awesome is all cool about it. Another friend still gets to wait til the end of hte summer ;-), and yet some already know, and some i'll never tell.
Relationships:
Ryan: He and i havent hung out much, he smokes a lot and i think he doesnt like the fact that im not doing it with him. But at the same time, i have better things to spend what little money i make on.
Allie: Best random moments friend ever, she brings out hte best in me, and we have been getting closer. Great Falls, that was fun, Dead beaver.... sad i know, Ice cream and that old couple. I wanna have a love like that some day. Shes going thru a time with her boy now, but ill be there(that crying sholdier) should she ever need it, after all, she did the same for me when i really needed to talk to someone. Oh yeah and "Oh my god its a kid"
Jessie: Havent hung out with yet, but kinda wish we have. We talk some online but not a lot. I dunno what we would do if we hung out but c'est la vite.
Zack: Had a great time waiting for ryan to finish smoking while we drank bitch beers in my truck. Ahh the good life.
Kyle: New best friend, just kidding, but not really, potential, if not definate NYC roommate in a few years. I hope he gets back in town, maybe around kim's surgery
Camila: Neighbor, friend, but we dont hang out. Did teh other day, it was good, but she fell asleep in the movie, mel and Greg and adam where all high, i dont htink they enjoyed the movie, i didnt. Movie = Madagascar
Sandy: Made a confession, in typical sandy fashion, totally awesome, Gotta love that girl
KIM!!!!!!!!: what can i say, but retard on swing, duck poperatzi, tad hamilton, icecream, George town, her living room photo shoot, home town holidays ( beer in the living room) Cheese cake factory!!!!, Ruling over RM photo room, watching Miss TUCKER start to cry a little when we left again. yeah theres a lot, im glad our freind ship has grown this summer. You seem to be one of the most level headed ppl i know right now, keeping me straight edge-ish.
so yeah that kinda is a brief summary for friends from home, its kinda vague, but good times where had by all.
So yeah a more serious-ish topic:
I think im scared. Like i dunno have this confidence, but it feels rather fake at times, like i have a "though" shell on the out side, but inside im all over the place. Allie knows why a little bit, but its still like so much more than that. College changed me, Im changing, and im scared. I miss texas, but at the same time, i could never live there again, or at least not for a while. I miss Caitlin and i miss Dalton. Dalton is over in Iraq, i dont know a day that goes by that i dont check the news to see that hes still alive....
Im going to be an RA next year. Im going to be incharge of a floor. Jenny gave me a big pair of shoes to fill. Shes kinda the authority figure i want to be, but a little more laxed on some rules, like if i cant see it, then i cant tell if you've been drinking. Im not going to be that person that stops you in the hall and looks at ure eyes. Well i might but it would be in fun.
Yeah so i dunno, things are weird, i feel like im being pulled a million different directions. I'm also feeling like falling is love is soemthing thats getting further and further from my grasp. Its dumb to think about i know, but ppl like Mike, Kim, Kyle, Steve, Maury, heather, Allie, they all have someone, a majority of my friends have someone that they hold special to them, that they can talk to about anything, that they can venture to say that L word too..... I dunno maybe its Watching Tad Hamilton, or the season opener for realworld, but yeah ppl like me, we dont find amazing love, we dont get the Extrodinarly love, we get that second best thing. the one thats never going to fill the shoes of that first real love. There are very few ppl that i see that make my heart flutter and go up into my throat, there are very few ppl that thier touch sends amazing goose bumps down my spine. I want that. I want that feeling.
But i guess no rushing right? I mean Katelyn doesnt want ot get married til 28 or so, and yeah i want a career or at least to be settled and to have found myself more before i start throwing the L word around
Anyways, yeah im done, i dont know where i was going, im still alive for those of you who care.....
Good Day Sir
PS: something sounded like it just died in my back yard.....
So yeah, its been a while and a lot has happened, and a lot hasnt happened as well. I dont know where to begin or what details to share. Soem things are best left in the recesses of your mind. Well yeah so i did a scholarship essay on my biggest obstical, if you want to read it, its in teh LJ cut below....
In life there are many obstacles that we have to overcome. Some of them are easy, like learning to drive a car, but then there are others; others that take a lot of work to get over. When I was 18 years old, I was officially diagnosed with Thorasic Kyphosis, also known as “hunch back syndrome”. Prior to my diagnosis, my peers and strangers often teased or laughed at me, without regard for my feelings. My parents thought that I was just slouching, and did not think much of it until I started constantly complaining about back pain.
For about nine years, I convinced myself that all I had to do was just force myself to stand up straight and all my problems would go away. After years of trying, on my part and on the part of my parents, we decided it was time to have my back officially checked out. On that faithful day in March when my x-ray results were in, I was slightly mortified and yet vindicated to discover that I had a legitimate problem with my back. I learned that day that my T-11 vertebrate and the ones on either side of it had been growing wedge shaped for many years. So much that my T-11 vertebrate was almost triangularly shaped, instead of the typical rectangular vertebrate one would expect to see.
Knowing I had a problem with my back came as a bit of ambivalent news. The first doctor I went to said that there was nothing that could be done for my back at this point. This did not sit well with parents and most certainly not with me. It became necessary to get a second opinion and research options to ‘fix’ my back. After extensive searching we finally found a surgeon at Children’s National Hospital in Washington D.C. whom had a high success rate with correcting scoliosis and Kyphosis problems. On July 9th 2004, Dr. Michael Thomas spent 14 hours operating on my back. He was successful in correcting my back from a 99* curve to a more normal one, in the 50* range. The appearance was immediately noticed by my parents, who saw me lay flat for the first time in over 9 years. Unfortunately the surgery was the easiest part of my back problems.
Recovery was a long and hard process. I was in counseling to help me deal with the changes that my body went through and to hopefully prevent me from becoming addicted to my painkillers. I underwent a week of physical therapy in the hospital before I was allowed to go home. Though I was excited to go home, I knew that I still had a difficult road ahead of me. Having only learned to walk again a few days prior to my release, there where many things that I could not yet do. Among other things, I could not bath or go to the bathroom on my own, my medicine was suppressing my appetite and I was on an entirely different sleep cycle than my family. As time passed, I was able to do more and more on my own. To this day, there is still a laundry list of things that I cannot do and that I will not be able to do ever again.
Since my operation, I have attended my first year of college at the Rochester Institute of Technology. At RIT in addition to achieving a 3.5 cumulative GPA for the year, I volunteered at Rochester community vineyard: helping to pick grapes and other vegetables, organized photographers to shoot the Hustle For Habitat 5K tsunami relief race, and have been selected to be a Resident Advisor for the 2005-2006 school year. My parents say that my positive attitude in what appeared to be the darkest hours, are what have allowed me to achieve so much, and will continue to allow me to achieve great things. This operation has served as kind of a benchmark for me in my life. I left the old me on the operating room table, and immerged out the other side, a healthy, strong individual, who is always ready to tackle the next big challenge.
Mind you i am trying to win $2,ooo, so i gussied it up a little bit, a bit, but its all true, but i had to make it sound like i am super proud and i had to make it sound positive. Cuz those ppl like a positive spin on things
okay so yeah, ive been home a little over a month i guess, and its kinda weird, home is definately not how i thought it would be, but again, lets make this positive, and yeah im streghthened (sp) some relationships, and others seem to have fallen threw the cracks. I made a confession to one friend and thank god shes so totally awesome is all cool about it. Another friend still gets to wait til the end of hte summer ;-), and yet some already know, and some i'll never tell.
Relationships:
Ryan: He and i havent hung out much, he smokes a lot and i think he doesnt like the fact that im not doing it with him. But at the same time, i have better things to spend what little money i make on.
Allie: Best random moments friend ever, she brings out hte best in me, and we have been getting closer. Great Falls, that was fun, Dead beaver.... sad i know, Ice cream and that old couple. I wanna have a love like that some day. Shes going thru a time with her boy now, but ill be there(that crying sholdier) should she ever need it, after all, she did the same for me when i really needed to talk to someone. Oh yeah and "Oh my god its a kid"
Jessie: Havent hung out with yet, but kinda wish we have. We talk some online but not a lot. I dunno what we would do if we hung out but c'est la vite.
Zack: Had a great time waiting for ryan to finish smoking while we drank bitch beers in my truck. Ahh the good life.
Kyle: New best friend, just kidding, but not really, potential, if not definate NYC roommate in a few years. I hope he gets back in town, maybe around kim's surgery
Camila: Neighbor, friend, but we dont hang out. Did teh other day, it was good, but she fell asleep in the movie, mel and Greg and adam where all high, i dont htink they enjoyed the movie, i didnt. Movie = Madagascar
Sandy: Made a confession, in typical sandy fashion, totally awesome, Gotta love that girl
KIM!!!!!!!!: what can i say, but retard on swing, duck poperatzi, tad hamilton, icecream, George town, her living room photo shoot, home town holidays ( beer in the living room) Cheese cake factory!!!!, Ruling over RM photo room, watching Miss TUCKER start to cry a little when we left again. yeah theres a lot, im glad our freind ship has grown this summer. You seem to be one of the most level headed ppl i know right now, keeping me straight edge-ish.
so yeah that kinda is a brief summary for friends from home, its kinda vague, but good times where had by all.
So yeah a more serious-ish topic:
I think im scared. Like i dunno have this confidence, but it feels rather fake at times, like i have a "though" shell on the out side, but inside im all over the place. Allie knows why a little bit, but its still like so much more than that. College changed me, Im changing, and im scared. I miss texas, but at the same time, i could never live there again, or at least not for a while. I miss Caitlin and i miss Dalton. Dalton is over in Iraq, i dont know a day that goes by that i dont check the news to see that hes still alive....
Im going to be an RA next year. Im going to be incharge of a floor. Jenny gave me a big pair of shoes to fill. Shes kinda the authority figure i want to be, but a little more laxed on some rules, like if i cant see it, then i cant tell if you've been drinking. Im not going to be that person that stops you in the hall and looks at ure eyes. Well i might but it would be in fun.
Yeah so i dunno, things are weird, i feel like im being pulled a million different directions. I'm also feeling like falling is love is soemthing thats getting further and further from my grasp. Its dumb to think about i know, but ppl like Mike, Kim, Kyle, Steve, Maury, heather, Allie, they all have someone, a majority of my friends have someone that they hold special to them, that they can talk to about anything, that they can venture to say that L word too..... I dunno maybe its Watching Tad Hamilton, or the season opener for realworld, but yeah ppl like me, we dont find amazing love, we dont get the Extrodinarly love, we get that second best thing. the one thats never going to fill the shoes of that first real love. There are very few ppl that i see that make my heart flutter and go up into my throat, there are very few ppl that thier touch sends amazing goose bumps down my spine. I want that. I want that feeling.
But i guess no rushing right? I mean Katelyn doesnt want ot get married til 28 or so, and yeah i want a career or at least to be settled and to have found myself more before i start throwing the L word around
Anyways, yeah im done, i dont know where i was going, im still alive for those of you who care.....
Good Day Sir
PS: something sounded like it just died in my back yard.....