car crash came and car crash went

[spiffysthebest]

Okay, so I'm not okay. and I might not be for a few days. I have my right to be a selfish little prick for as long as it takes. Making other people happy would make me violently ill right now. I want to drink myself stupid. The thing I wanted most earlier is now the last thing I want. I don't think I could look anyone in the eye anytime in the near future. Imagine how I'm going to coach. If you touch me I'll fall apart. If I distract myself I might make it. Night is not going to help me. I dream of sleepless nights. I want to shake the city till it's upside down. I want to tear out my heart & rid all the black blood from my chest. I want to vomit until bile scorches my throat and my lungs beyond repair. The only thing I can think of to cheer me up is a show. A show in which afterwards, no one leaves. Maybe the fucking Strokes are exactly what I need. I'm bringing this on myself. Why am I fucking telling you this? Today is up there in the worst days of my life. Funny it's so nice outside. You're not supposed to know any of this. I've changed my mind about telling you anything. Never again.

I'm supposed to visit my gramma today. Lucky I'm so good at pretending until everything's fine again.