Whenever I see your smiling face, I have to smile myself, because I love you.

Feb 11, 2010 21:58

After my little numbered rant earlier today, I felt the need to write something a little less... whatever you might call that.

This morning, I had a lovely time playing on Tumblr and reading American Idol recaps, and then working on organizing my iTunes music files/folders. Because that stuff is IMPORTANT.

Alright, not really. But I don't have a whole lot else better to do. Even Tumblr is becoming less time-consuming. And since I never chat online with anyone ever, nor do I ever talk on the phone or basically have any contact with anyone other than my mom and the brick wall that is Twitter, some filler is nice. And it's actually practical, because some of my music hasn't been playing because iTunes can't locate it. After I'm done organizing it, I can locate it and everything will be parfait.

Then, for some reason, I decided to take a look at my Comcast bill that has been lying here under my wrists for about a week. For some reason, I never looked at the amount due. When I saw it today, I basically had a huge breakdown. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. And the camel's back has been weakening for a while now, as you can see from some other previous posts.

So, I ranted on here and on Twitter, hoping as usual for some encouragement. Or for someone to tell me I'm not a total failure. Or that maybe there are good things about me. Which of course, nobody did. Because they probably all believe I am a failure and that those good things are in short supply. But I digress.

I also called Comcast and started a new deal, which is still quite a bit higher than my previous deal had been. And my current bill is still in place, which is much higher than anything I can afford right now. Meanwhile I was talking to my mom, who was figuring my expenses and such. Anyway, we landed on her helping me out this month with the payments.

Which I HATE. She has been paying for way too much lately because I'm so short on funds. I don't like having to rely on other people. But I have to; I have no other way of paying for anything.

And I know a lot of people are probably chuckling to themselves (first of all, shut it, because I know most of you have PLENTY of money to spare and wouldn't think of giving any of your waste-of-money gadgetry and other nonsense up to pay your bills either; second of all... well, that's about it. just shut it.) because I could just give up my cable or internet and have no problem. Try spending so much time alone in your apartment that you feel lonely and isolated every hour of every day that you aren't at work. Try it. Go ahead. Then tell me that I need to give up my one source of connection to the outside world. Yes, I'll admit it. I am connected to fake characters. Ross and Rachel and Phoebe and Abed and Andy and Erin... are my closest friends right now. My TV is my friend. Tumblr is my friend. When nobody else is there, that is where I spend my time; which is almost always. I have no other choice. Take those things away, you have me completely lost and abandoned.

Besides, I think most people should know that I'm good with money. I pay all of my bills on time and in full, and I never spend money on expensive unnecessary things unless I am given the go-ahead by those smarter than me to do so, because I supposedly have the funds. Otherwise, I would still be watching my crappy old TV from college and would not have DVR service and I would be getting by okay. And really, those things are only okay with me because I have practical use for them. And even as it is, I still use a crappy outdated computer and a cell phone and outdated iPod which BOTH have lines across the screen due to being old and/or broken. It's not like I'm a big spender if you really look at it. I don't have any credit card debt outside of my Kohl's charge, which I've been picking away at for months now. The only real debt I have is from my college loans. I am not an extravagant person, despite what everyone may think.

Note: in an effort to cut some expenses/not die, I am going to stop taking my medication. My medication, of course, being The Pill. While I was talking to my mom, she took a little break and called our family doctor, and he gave me the go-ahead to stop taking it as soon as my current pack is done. So, you have been warned. I will probably be on my previous breakdown level quite often for the next few months. I'd appreciate some support and encouragement. But I know, I know. I'm Allison. I don't get the luxury of such things. I just have to pull myself up by my own bootstraps, and if I happen to make a big mess of my life, I can pretty much count on everybody hating me and abandoning me and most likely gossiping about me in my time of need. As in times past.

Post-breakdown, I watched an episode of Friends where Joey was dressed as Freud and sang and danced, and that made me smile. Then I threw on my Gaga hoodie with coordinated music staff socks and headed to the movies. Christy is always a breath of fresh air, and this time we had bonus Erin J.! And Christy served me some white cheddar salt for my popcorn in one of those mini cups, and it was glorious. (The movie, An Education, was great, too. Albeit creepy and a bit off. But it's up for Oscars, so that's to be expected.)

Also saw the cute movie theater guy a few times. Major eye contact going down. Just dump your girlfriend already, dude. You know you want this.

After the movie, I had a great time singing at the top of my lungs along with Gaga in the car. And then I got home right in time for Community, which is always a highlight to my week, and then Parks and Recreation, highlight number two. And then HARK! The Office was actually funny tonight! I laughed until I cried. Like old times.

So I've rebounded quite a bit. But as you can probably tell from my mini-rants in this entry, not completely. I still have a lot of issues going on that probably aren't going to be resolved. But hey. I have Abed and Andy to keep me sane.

Now, I'm going to work some more on my iTunes... or maybe just play on Tumblr some more. We'll see.

Coming soon: possible movie excursion tomorrow night, dinner and Air Supply with my mom on Saturday, and personal day from work on Sunday. Also, my mom filed my taxes today, and if all goes well, I should be getting back more than expected. Which would help IMMENSELY.

Currently: wishing I could've gone to Mardi Gras with Trav and Susan. They're in New Orleans right now, and I'm majorly jealous.

Let's hope things look up soon. Thanks to Christy for the comments on my awesomeness and for the movie trip. I know we planned it before my breakdown, but it really came in handy tonight.

And thanks to the writers of The Office for hitting a home run for the first time since the Jam wedding. :)

In closing, look at this studmuffin:


susan, movies, parks and recreation, trav, community, life, joe, family, christina, the office

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