Sometimes I dream that I'm insane
My dream this morning: I beat a 10-yr-old girl within an inch of her life. She was blond, with her hair in two braids, and overweight. There was a lot of blood. I was punching her broken face over and over, in silent rage, while her parents slept.
Cut to a little while later, my parents were extremely worried but were supportive of getting me into a mental hospital (since, y'know, I was unpredictable and dangerous and needed help). I was scared of the amount of rage I'd felt. I had been trying to kill this kid.
I confided that, at the time, I'd thought that I was dreaming, and that's why I'd hurt her so badly -- I'd thought it wasn't real. (That's kind of a theme in my dreams these days, not knowing what's real and what isn't, as the basis for insanity.) I also felt too small to deal my mind on my own, guilty, confused, etc., adrift between reality and unreality.
I don't have much to say about that dream, other than the obvious: I'm glad it wasn't real, after all. What a spooky dream
Cut to a little while later, my parents were extremely worried but were supportive of getting me into a mental hospital (since, y'know, I was unpredictable and dangerous and needed help). I was scared of the amount of rage I'd felt. I had been trying to kill this kid.
I confided that, at the time, I'd thought that I was dreaming, and that's why I'd hurt her so badly -- I'd thought it wasn't real. (That's kind of a theme in my dreams these days, not knowing what's real and what isn't, as the basis for insanity.) I also felt too small to deal my mind on my own, guilty, confused, etc., adrift between reality and unreality.
I don't have much to say about that dream, other than the obvious: I'm glad it wasn't real, after all. What a spooky dream