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[spidress420]

this may sound rather bleak, but all of the disappointment in the past year has led me to the conclusion that i am all i have in this world, so i better try to make the world better for everyone else who has more than that. i mean i'm everything i ever wanted to be but consistently feel alone and wish i could change that. however, i cannot change

Comments

[joshka]

heh, i'm an only child, that grew up with a single working parent, and we moved around a lot so i never got to keep my friends. i can to a large degree feel what you feel about being "alone" i think.

i was talking to a pal about it tonight, about how it's the people that care the most having the least success in relationships.. and it's the kind of paradox where if you think about it too much, you'll cause it not to happen.

and, even worse, we were talking about the people that worry about it so much that they end up in dead end relationships that they force themselves to be "happy" in.

for years it was something i envied people for having, but figured it wasn't for me. these days, i'm in a "serious" relationship, but still can't really believe it, and i figure i'll end up alone eventually anyway. but like, i think the best relationships are the ones where you're basically two like-minded individuals anyway. if you *need* the other person, you're probably destined to fail to some degree.

blah.

i'm pretty pessimistic about relationships anyway. i'd rather be alone than in a relationship with 99.999% of people on this earth anyway. and believe me, as much as i envy people in relationships when i'm alone, i still love being alone. to a point, i think it's like "the grass is always greener" where you think you'll be happier than it turns out you are.

mm. i'm probably rambling, but eh. why is it something you wish you could change? why is it something you wish for? is it physical? mental? social? i dunno. i mean, i can totally relate, but i can never explain *why*.. it just seems something that's expected of us for no real reason. even if you wed and get divorced, socially that's "okay", but being single from start to finish isn't.

i think it's awesome and empowering to realised and access "i am all i have in this world", though.

shrug. in a relationship. single. whatever. you still seem like a pretty unreal person regardless. it's easier said than done, but try not to worry so much about it. if someone comes along, awesome, but don't force something to end up in a deadend relationship anyway. (just call me doctor phil, hehe)

okay! enough rambling. bye!