Being conservative in NYC.
I’ve been a Republican since 2003-04, I considered myself a liberal until I began to learn about public policy.
My views haven’t really changed since then aside from becoming more conservative re: social issues.
However, I wanted to move to Manhattan which is overwhelmingly liberal and start my career in politics. Unfortunately, conservatives are met with hatred and contempt from the left fairly often here, and subsequently almost no conservatives are elected here. So, I applied for jobs with democratic legislators, knowing that regardless of whether I worked for them or not- their bills will get passed (city council has a democratic majority of 48/3). I also figured that most of the legislative initiatives I wouldn’t have a problem with because it is relating to more local/less partisan matters. I’d also interned for a moderate democrat in the past and had great experiences, and didn’t feel that my conservative views compromised my job or that my views were being undermined by my employment with her.
So, I start working for this one council member as a scheduler/community liaison (not dealing with policy anyway), soon after, I felt compromised. Not only was this a very partisan, politically charged environment (as it should be, and would have been fine if it was more moderate), but my co-workers (though not my boss, necessarily) turned out to be extremely liberal (one compared Bush’s alleged “evil” to that of Saddam Hussein, one worked on the McGovern presidential campaign), and expressed a proud, open animosity towards the right. Additionally, my boss (though less left-wing) was somewhat of a people pleaser (towards other Democratic officials) and made us campaign for democrats at one point.
Needless to say, I kept my mouth shut, and lied in fear of being fired, or being in an uncomfortable workplace where everyone hated me.
I was afraid of the potential backlash from voicing my beliefs, and thought it was unnecessary to stand up for my true beliefs in the situations that arose- the only difference my opinion would have made would be a more negative work environment. I didn’t deal with policy directly, and I didn’t need to argue with people would be closed off to my views anyway. Plus, I feel that many on the left judge conservatives as “evil” and would judge me as such. Its a closemindedness that moderate democrats don’t have, but some left-wing democrats do. I wasn't willing to take such a risk, and had every reason to lie.
Lying felt awful though. I tried to view it in a positive way, maybe by getting “in” with the left-wingers, I could more fully understand the rationale of their views. Maybe my views would change, who knows... maybe I was overlooking something and they were right, maybe there was more to their views than what I disagreed with at face value.
Plus, I really do love many liberals. Many of my friends are liberal. So many are thoughtful, good-intentioned/well-meaning, pious individuals who share my love of volunteering, Christianity, art, entertainment, music, etc. I had good intentions also, but a different view of the world and policy, and felt/feel some extreme left-wingers lose sight of upon finding out I am a conservative Republican.
Every time my boss reviewed legislation that I wholeheartedly disagreed with (i.e. Foie Gras ban, trans-fat ban, etc.) I bit my tongue. Every time a view I held was discussed and met with criticism, I did not defend it and instead nodded my head in blind agreement. This happened, pretty much, every day. My “leaving out the truth” was leaving a sour taste in my mouth. Sometimes, I'd try to articulate a compromised view that was more on the middle-ground that I thought people would find acceptable in my workplace. This usually resulted in me sounding incoherent. Opinions I don’t believe in and find to be short-sighted and silly are hard for me to defend. So I played dumb or didn't share anything at all.
During this whole time I kept an (anonymous) blog with my real political views, and would comment on many left-wing blogs anonymously and in a non-combative fashion with the hope that I could lend a critical eye to things that seem so blindly accepted as truth by the left. The phase “morally compromised” seemed a gross understatement of how I felt.
At first, I tried not to make friends in my office. I mean, I was lying and I don’t lie to friends. I didn’t want to build relationships predicated on a lie. I figured my job was only temporary, so why put it at stake by making friends with my co-workers only to have them find out my GOP status. I tried to remain distant which didn’t really work. Its not who I am. Plus, aside from their views which I didn’t agree with, I really really liked my co-workers. They were all incredibly smart, interesting people who I had things in common with, I didn’t want them to think of me as an “evil conservative.” So I predicated friendships on lies... just this once.
I made friends with others through one of my co-workers, and she and I became much closer as time went on. We pretty much talked about anything BUT public policy, and it was great, she’s a great person. I even could feel comfortable talking about electoral politics, and articulating some of my views regarding election predictions, etc., simply because it wasn’t necessary for me to say “I won’t support Obama because I don’t agree with him on anything, and I think he will be a terrible president, as would Hillary.” It was assumed I would support one of them, so I could express some of my true views: i.e. “If Obama wins the primary, he won’t win the national election.” A democrat could safely say that too.
I ended up quitting this job, partially because of money, partially because I didn’t believe in anything I was doing, partially because of personal/family reasons.
But I still retained those friendships I saw as so rewarding and valuable. However, as time went on... I felt that the whole “lie predication” thing was unfair and wrong to them, and I felt trapped in it. My other democrat friends knew I was conservative upon being friends with me- and that was great, I didn’t have to upkeep this lie. But with the connections resulting from that job, I felt the need to uphold the lie, even though the lie had become arbitrary at that point. So I tried to keep my true views quiet in public in fear of it coming out that I lied.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave.
My next boss already knew I was a conservative republican, and didn’t mind. I was free to articulate my views. Plus, my job was far more policy-oriented, I was working directly with legislation, so if I had lied, it would’ve had an effect on my work.
I found the content of my job very rewarding, and was able to be myself, fully in the workplace. In articulating my real views, I gained a lot more confidence in my ability to argue them in a way that is not self-demonizing.
My passion for politics has grown tremendously since I initially began working, and perhaps this was due in part to my little “glimpse” into the young democratic minds I had met through that first job. Starting law school, and learning more about the Judicial system further refined my conservatism.
A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany: Maybe the way for members of my party to not be met with the hate and demonization we are so used to is for young conservatives like myself (who do good, aren’t billionaires, and are kind), to come out of the closet and provide a new voice for my party.
In recent years, my party has been met with even more hate and needs a more young people to pull a Barry Goldwater and show my fellow colleagues that most Republicans aren’t terrible people. We don’t wake up thinking “how can I destroy America.”
So, I feel my new moral obligation is to express my views, for the sake of my party.
I’m not sitting in the back idling anymore as people insult public figures that I respect, or extol something I find to be totally moronic. Nor will I ever compromise/lie about my true beliefs again, even if it means losing a job/losing friends. So be it. I’d prefer to have moral courage and stand up for what I believe in so others, who felt as alienated by the majority as I did, can come out of the shadows.
My views haven’t really changed since then aside from becoming more conservative re: social issues.
However, I wanted to move to Manhattan which is overwhelmingly liberal and start my career in politics. Unfortunately, conservatives are met with hatred and contempt from the left fairly often here, and subsequently almost no conservatives are elected here. So, I applied for jobs with democratic legislators, knowing that regardless of whether I worked for them or not- their bills will get passed (city council has a democratic majority of 48/3). I also figured that most of the legislative initiatives I wouldn’t have a problem with because it is relating to more local/less partisan matters. I’d also interned for a moderate democrat in the past and had great experiences, and didn’t feel that my conservative views compromised my job or that my views were being undermined by my employment with her.
So, I start working for this one council member as a scheduler/community liaison (not dealing with policy anyway), soon after, I felt compromised. Not only was this a very partisan, politically charged environment (as it should be, and would have been fine if it was more moderate), but my co-workers (though not my boss, necessarily) turned out to be extremely liberal (one compared Bush’s alleged “evil” to that of Saddam Hussein, one worked on the McGovern presidential campaign), and expressed a proud, open animosity towards the right. Additionally, my boss (though less left-wing) was somewhat of a people pleaser (towards other Democratic officials) and made us campaign for democrats at one point.
Needless to say, I kept my mouth shut, and lied in fear of being fired, or being in an uncomfortable workplace where everyone hated me.
I was afraid of the potential backlash from voicing my beliefs, and thought it was unnecessary to stand up for my true beliefs in the situations that arose- the only difference my opinion would have made would be a more negative work environment. I didn’t deal with policy directly, and I didn’t need to argue with people would be closed off to my views anyway. Plus, I feel that many on the left judge conservatives as “evil” and would judge me as such. Its a closemindedness that moderate democrats don’t have, but some left-wing democrats do. I wasn't willing to take such a risk, and had every reason to lie.
Lying felt awful though. I tried to view it in a positive way, maybe by getting “in” with the left-wingers, I could more fully understand the rationale of their views. Maybe my views would change, who knows... maybe I was overlooking something and they were right, maybe there was more to their views than what I disagreed with at face value.
Plus, I really do love many liberals. Many of my friends are liberal. So many are thoughtful, good-intentioned/well-meaning, pious individuals who share my love of volunteering, Christianity, art, entertainment, music, etc. I had good intentions also, but a different view of the world and policy, and felt/feel some extreme left-wingers lose sight of upon finding out I am a conservative Republican.
Every time my boss reviewed legislation that I wholeheartedly disagreed with (i.e. Foie Gras ban, trans-fat ban, etc.) I bit my tongue. Every time a view I held was discussed and met with criticism, I did not defend it and instead nodded my head in blind agreement. This happened, pretty much, every day. My “leaving out the truth” was leaving a sour taste in my mouth. Sometimes, I'd try to articulate a compromised view that was more on the middle-ground that I thought people would find acceptable in my workplace. This usually resulted in me sounding incoherent. Opinions I don’t believe in and find to be short-sighted and silly are hard for me to defend. So I played dumb or didn't share anything at all.
During this whole time I kept an (anonymous) blog with my real political views, and would comment on many left-wing blogs anonymously and in a non-combative fashion with the hope that I could lend a critical eye to things that seem so blindly accepted as truth by the left. The phase “morally compromised” seemed a gross understatement of how I felt.
At first, I tried not to make friends in my office. I mean, I was lying and I don’t lie to friends. I didn’t want to build relationships predicated on a lie. I figured my job was only temporary, so why put it at stake by making friends with my co-workers only to have them find out my GOP status. I tried to remain distant which didn’t really work. Its not who I am. Plus, aside from their views which I didn’t agree with, I really really liked my co-workers. They were all incredibly smart, interesting people who I had things in common with, I didn’t want them to think of me as an “evil conservative.” So I predicated friendships on lies... just this once.
I made friends with others through one of my co-workers, and she and I became much closer as time went on. We pretty much talked about anything BUT public policy, and it was great, she’s a great person. I even could feel comfortable talking about electoral politics, and articulating some of my views regarding election predictions, etc., simply because it wasn’t necessary for me to say “I won’t support Obama because I don’t agree with him on anything, and I think he will be a terrible president, as would Hillary.” It was assumed I would support one of them, so I could express some of my true views: i.e. “If Obama wins the primary, he won’t win the national election.” A democrat could safely say that too.
I ended up quitting this job, partially because of money, partially because I didn’t believe in anything I was doing, partially because of personal/family reasons.
But I still retained those friendships I saw as so rewarding and valuable. However, as time went on... I felt that the whole “lie predication” thing was unfair and wrong to them, and I felt trapped in it. My other democrat friends knew I was conservative upon being friends with me- and that was great, I didn’t have to upkeep this lie. But with the connections resulting from that job, I felt the need to uphold the lie, even though the lie had become arbitrary at that point. So I tried to keep my true views quiet in public in fear of it coming out that I lied.
Oh, what tangled webs we weave.
My next boss already knew I was a conservative republican, and didn’t mind. I was free to articulate my views. Plus, my job was far more policy-oriented, I was working directly with legislation, so if I had lied, it would’ve had an effect on my work.
I found the content of my job very rewarding, and was able to be myself, fully in the workplace. In articulating my real views, I gained a lot more confidence in my ability to argue them in a way that is not self-demonizing.
My passion for politics has grown tremendously since I initially began working, and perhaps this was due in part to my little “glimpse” into the young democratic minds I had met through that first job. Starting law school, and learning more about the Judicial system further refined my conservatism.
A few weeks ago, I had an epiphany: Maybe the way for members of my party to not be met with the hate and demonization we are so used to is for young conservatives like myself (who do good, aren’t billionaires, and are kind), to come out of the closet and provide a new voice for my party.
In recent years, my party has been met with even more hate and needs a more young people to pull a Barry Goldwater and show my fellow colleagues that most Republicans aren’t terrible people. We don’t wake up thinking “how can I destroy America.”
So, I feel my new moral obligation is to express my views, for the sake of my party.
I’m not sitting in the back idling anymore as people insult public figures that I respect, or extol something I find to be totally moronic. Nor will I ever compromise/lie about my true beliefs again, even if it means losing a job/losing friends. So be it. I’d prefer to have moral courage and stand up for what I believe in so others, who felt as alienated by the majority as I did, can come out of the shadows.