A Perfectly Relevant Investigation of Life Formulated by Outstanding Observations of Living, Suckas
Well y'all, I've made another very important decision. I had a vision this morning when I woke up and I am going to act on it.
My vision: I woke up and I was wearing a black sleeveless T-shirt that had fire, an eagle playing an electric guitar, and several brands of alcohol on it. Confused, I rushed into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Much to my delight, I had not-only grown a full and thick handlebar moustache that extended into my bushy sideburns, but I had the most rockin' mullet I have ever seen. I knew what must be done. Where there was once a bottle of mouthwash, there sat a handle of Jack Daniels. I took a swig, rinsed, and then swallowed. I looked down and I was mystically wearing torn denim blue jeans and boots. COWBOY BOOTS! How bada** is that: sleeping in cowboy boots? When I realized just how bada** it was, I looked in the mirror and I suddenly had more piercings than I could count. Amazing. I looked around my room for a hat, but all that remained were American flag bandanas. I tied one onto my head and left. Outside, I found that my car had been replaced by some gnarly Hog. When I climbed on and started 'er up, fire shot out of the exhaust pipes and blew up some Hyundai. Things couldn't get any more awesome, but they did. As I rode down Alafaya, a chain appeared in my hand and people just let me thrash their cars without even caring. I thrashed some police officer's cruiser and he started chasing me. Hours later when I finally let him catch me, he handed me $257, patted me on the butt (this was the only questionable part of my vision), and then said "Hit the road, Lightning." LIGHTNING! MY NAME WAS LIGHTNING? Incredible. The vision ended as I rode off into the sunset and electric guitars kept soloing on into the evening. Where did the electric guitars come from? I have no idea.
So, tomorrow, I am going to do all of this. It has been nice knowing you all, but I think it is time to get to know myself a little better. Goodbye.
My vision: I woke up and I was wearing a black sleeveless T-shirt that had fire, an eagle playing an electric guitar, and several brands of alcohol on it. Confused, I rushed into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Much to my delight, I had not-only grown a full and thick handlebar moustache that extended into my bushy sideburns, but I had the most rockin' mullet I have ever seen. I knew what must be done. Where there was once a bottle of mouthwash, there sat a handle of Jack Daniels. I took a swig, rinsed, and then swallowed. I looked down and I was mystically wearing torn denim blue jeans and boots. COWBOY BOOTS! How bada** is that: sleeping in cowboy boots? When I realized just how bada** it was, I looked in the mirror and I suddenly had more piercings than I could count. Amazing. I looked around my room for a hat, but all that remained were American flag bandanas. I tied one onto my head and left. Outside, I found that my car had been replaced by some gnarly Hog. When I climbed on and started 'er up, fire shot out of the exhaust pipes and blew up some Hyundai. Things couldn't get any more awesome, but they did. As I rode down Alafaya, a chain appeared in my hand and people just let me thrash their cars without even caring. I thrashed some police officer's cruiser and he started chasing me. Hours later when I finally let him catch me, he handed me $257, patted me on the butt (this was the only questionable part of my vision), and then said "Hit the road, Lightning." LIGHTNING! MY NAME WAS LIGHTNING? Incredible. The vision ended as I rode off into the sunset and electric guitars kept soloing on into the evening. Where did the electric guitars come from? I have no idea.
So, tomorrow, I am going to do all of this. It has been nice knowing you all, but I think it is time to get to know myself a little better. Goodbye.