yes... two in one day
So I just had the weirdest conversation, yet it was cathartic. It was over AIM, due to the fact that Jason is in Afghanistan. Jason, for those of you who don't know, is an ex-boyfriend of mine. The break up was really messy, there were a lot of hard feelings, and only a few months after we broke up he decided to leave Ferris, and join the ARMY. Mostly he did this because he felt he needed to get away from everything that reminded him of me. I couldn't date him, but he was my best friend, so I was dissapointed when he didn't want anything to do with me. Anyways, fast-forward two years. He IMs me today, from half way around the world and it was the awkward small talk. Well I got him to open up a little bit more, and he was telling me about how drug addicted he was etc. then when I told him I was worried he admits that he was just exaggerating and just wanted to see if I still cared. Blah Blah Blah, anyways, he asked the oh so important question "what ever happened to us?" Six months ago I would have hated to have gotten that question, but today I didn't mind. I'm in a place in my life where I know what I want and what I've done, and why I've done it. Anyways, I was able to tell him exactly what went on, that I just wasn't in the place mentally that I needed to be when we met. I apologized for all the hurt I caused him, and all I wanted was for him to find what he needed to be happy and to be that way. I also told him that I'm completely in love with Jeremy and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, so not to confuse my friendship for something else. He was ok with that and told me that he thinks he's finally ready to be friends. Now I would love to have him as a friend again, I'm just worried 1. that this will upset Jeremy 2. Jason will fall back into that "I can't live without you" pattern, and 3. that Something will happen to him in the next 3 year and I won't be able to forgive myself.
I need some advice friends, do I try to keep contact, or do I distance myself, or do I cut him off completely? I don't want to do the third, but the three concerns listed above make it seem as if I should, for the sanity of us all.
I need some advice friends, do I try to keep contact, or do I distance myself, or do I cut him off completely? I don't want to do the third, but the three concerns listed above make it seem as if I should, for the sanity of us all.