In which Spider has no reason to hide, but does anyway.
Why the fuck have I basically stopped reading my friends list? I DON'T KNOW!
Okay, yes, part of it I do know. I have a "responsibility" to
milliways_bar that I haven't had time or energy to fulfill, so I've been hiding from it as I'd fear to face head-on any responsibility I'm trying to avoid. Yeah, there are parts of my brain in which I am still 9 years old.
But also, yeah, I haven't had the time or energy to post anything in general. The new job in the trenches of the Phone Phundraising Phactory has phucked up my internal clock and phatigued my mental capacity, so there goes all that time and energy I'm talking about.
Part of it is about building calluses on a certain part of my brain. People talk about a "thick skin", but it's really a callused brain, you know? Most of my job is about rejection. I'm the person calling you during dinner or at 10:00 on a Sunday morning begging for money. I'm not selling cheap knives, collecting a debt or trying to get you to switch phone service, but you don't know that. You've already had other calls like mine several times a day, and in the unlikely event you even pick up the phone you're going to say "No." That's absolutely cool. I understand; I do it too! But you only say "no" a few times a day. I hear "no" a HUNDRED times a day. That's my job: hearing "no" a hundred times a day and hoping for the once or twice I finally hear "yes". And I'm constantly being urged by my bosses to get more and bigger yeses.
If I don't get enough yeses, I might be fired.
I don't regret what I'm doing. The company I work for only phundraises for causes I already strongly believe in, or I wouldn't be doing it. Neither am I writing this to make you feel guilty into being nicer to telemarketers.
I'm writing this to let you know the longer I go without reading my flist the more I feel I'll never be able to keep up. So I hide, and that just makes the cycle snowball.
I'm writing this because I feel guilty for not being here with you. I'm not used to feeling guilty for anything, and that just makes it worse.
I'm writing this to you because I love you, and I miss you, and I want to let you know.
That is all.
This entry was originally posted at http://spiderine.dreamwidth.org/526167.html. There are
comments over there. I've disabled LJ's Facebook and Twitter cross-posting idiocy as much as I can, but if you're especially concerned, feel free to comment there.
Okay, yes, part of it I do know. I have a "responsibility" to
milliways_bar that I haven't had time or energy to fulfill, so I've been hiding from it as I'd fear to face head-on any responsibility I'm trying to avoid. Yeah, there are parts of my brain in which I am still 9 years old.
But also, yeah, I haven't had the time or energy to post anything in general. The new job in the trenches of the Phone Phundraising Phactory has phucked up my internal clock and phatigued my mental capacity, so there goes all that time and energy I'm talking about.
Part of it is about building calluses on a certain part of my brain. People talk about a "thick skin", but it's really a callused brain, you know? Most of my job is about rejection. I'm the person calling you during dinner or at 10:00 on a Sunday morning begging for money. I'm not selling cheap knives, collecting a debt or trying to get you to switch phone service, but you don't know that. You've already had other calls like mine several times a day, and in the unlikely event you even pick up the phone you're going to say "No." That's absolutely cool. I understand; I do it too! But you only say "no" a few times a day. I hear "no" a HUNDRED times a day. That's my job: hearing "no" a hundred times a day and hoping for the once or twice I finally hear "yes". And I'm constantly being urged by my bosses to get more and bigger yeses.
If I don't get enough yeses, I might be fired.
I don't regret what I'm doing. The company I work for only phundraises for causes I already strongly believe in, or I wouldn't be doing it. Neither am I writing this to make you feel guilty into being nicer to telemarketers.
I'm writing this to let you know the longer I go without reading my flist the more I feel I'll never be able to keep up. So I hide, and that just makes the cycle snowball.
I'm writing this because I feel guilty for not being here with you. I'm not used to feeling guilty for anything, and that just makes it worse.
I'm writing this to you because I love you, and I miss you, and I want to let you know.
That is all.
This entry was originally posted at http://spiderine.dreamwidth.org/526167.html. There are
comments over there. I've disabled LJ's Facebook and Twitter cross-posting idiocy as much as I can, but if you're especially concerned, feel free to comment there.