Thinkies about "Fragments"
So let's get this straight. Torchwood is moving to Friday nights April 4. Battlestar Galactica will also return on Friday nights from April 4. And Doctor Who will be on Saturdays starting April 5. Can I have a "holy shit!"? That's one hell of a schedule! I don't know whether I'm going to get to every episode of both Torchwood and Doctor Who immediately, so from now on I'm doing my Thinkies when I get around to it. Case in point: this episode. But one thing for sure: I'm always going to view each episode unspoiled and write up Thinkies the first time I see it. All squee, all the time -- that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
1) Before I start: Okay, I lied. This is late because I've been watching That Scene from last episode over and over and over... I can't tear myself away! *snicker*
2) Plant. Screech! Dramatic music! It's CSI Cardiff! Hi, Ianto! Wow, you're actually wearing a suit and tie that don't make me embarrassed for you! Hi, Jack! Hi, Tosh! Hi, Owen!
3) Jack looks so gorgeous in blue light aiming that Webley. *girly sigh*
4) Plot devices! Boom! Wow, this is starting almost like an actual episode of a real TV series.
5) Good morning, Gwen! Thank you for not showing us Rhys's arse.
6) 1,392 Deaths! Oh, this is going to be a fun one! Hee!
7) He has sideburns -- we must be back in time! Bottle! "Oh, no not again." HA! "Torso of steel, shilling a feel." *Spider headdesks* Any time, any place, Jack is still an arsehole.
8) They're awfully well dressed for muggers, and one of them is wearing bloomers, yes? They must be Torchwood! "I used to date a guy..." Jack, this is not the time and place... can you say "heteronormative"? No? Of course not, you were just DEAD!
9) OMG, Jack torture! This RULES! The Doctor! "Kiss him... Kill him" OMG grab his balls! *Spider is rendered entirely babblicious and useless for remainder of scene*
10) HA! I told you they were Torchwood! And I knew Jack was here because of the Doctor! *hearts hearts hearts* *brain-kittens race around with ribbons*
11) BLOWFISH! (Yah, I'm articulate right now. *snort*)
12) Jack looks so idiotic cute cutely idiotic with those sideburns and the curl over the forehead. "I'm Torchwood". No, Jack, right now you're just flaming.
13) So who are these two, Mary Sue and Mary Sue Too? And why do I suddenly sound like Dr Seuss?
14) Yeah, I knew Jack wasn't going to take the second assignment, the moment Sue and Sue Too started in with "Where else will you get money?" Fer fuck's sake, you may as well just say "Double dog dare you!"
15) And YES I knew they were lesbians the first moment I saw the one in the bloomers.
16) YES! Psychic tarot kid!
17) Across: The Tower, Jack of Swords (of COURSE Jack is the Jack of Swords! *hearts hearts hearts*), three of Swords. "He's coming, the one you're looking for." Hmm... that's not how I'd read that, but am I Psychic Tarot Kid? Nope! Down: Ace of Cups, the Moon, and WHAT IS THAT LAST CARD!?!? I CAN'T SEEEEEE! *Spider 'splodes*
18) And that's all it took? I always knew Jack was easy, but dude!
19) Hey now! That's where he got the pocketwatch? "And we're not ready." Oh, that is so fucking corny! Boo! Hiss! *brain kittens chuck hairballs*
20) Hi again, 21st century Jack! Hello, Rhys!
21) Ah! This is the "how we got to Torchwood" episode!
22) Toshiko the hacker! I suppose this is where I should restate my "canon backstory is optional" stance. If I don't like it, or it's just too stoopid for words, I'm perfectly happy over here in Denial. But so far, both Tosh's backstory and Jack's pickup by Torchwood seem reasonable to me...
...which probably means that any minute now I'm going to be slamming my head against the wall, right?
23) and by the way, I'm completely ignoring the plotty plotness of the Adventures of Super Agent Sato --- oooh! UNIT! Okay, that's cool! "Your rights as a citizen have been withdrawn. We are not required to provide you with legal representation." AAAAAHHH!!! That is NOT COOL!
24) Hellooooooooo, Jack! Another Jack interrogation scene. I am in heaven! *swoon*
25) "Baby, you're good!" *more swooning, and possibly damp panties*
26) Yeah, I can just check Tosh's backstory off the list as pretty much what I expected. Who's next? And why is nobody calling 999? Oh, right, because the cops would LAUGH at them! HA!
27) IANTO! *Spider prepares to retcon self when they give him a moronic eeeeemo backstory heavy on the Lisa worship*
28) Fight Jack fight! And Ianto to the rescue! In JEANS and a STUDDED LEATHER BELT! "Jones, Ianto Jones" (*Spider cues James Bond theme*) Hello, getting handsy already? Why else would a lovely young lad be walking about the park in the middle of the night in tight jeans and a studded leather belt? CRUISING!
29) Of course Ianto knows it's a Weevil! "Any time." Oh yeah I BET, Ianto! *nudge nudge* "Love the coat." Oh come on, try to tell me Ianto wasn't trying to pick Jack up! Hee! *hearts and glitter*
30) Coffee! *Spider starts scribbling notes* August 19, 1983. Shoplifting! Mainly a drifter, Torchwood London. Jack severed all links with Torchwood London. OMG listen to Ianto beg to work with Jack! "I'll work for nothing!" *giggles and squees and bounces and claps hands!* And he's going to show up every morning with coffee, isn't he?
31) Stalker!Ianto! NICE SUIT! Pterodactyl!
32) FIFTY-FIRST CENTURY PHEROMONES! I KNEW IT!
33) Ianto just volunteered to be Jack's GUARD DOG? *Spider keels over in kink overload* He's really got a thing about Jack's coat, isn't he? OMG he's begging to be the BUTLER! Oh, gods of Torchwood, you love me so! *weeps in gratitude*
34) Awwww, sweet li'l pterodactyl! Jack, just drop, it's not like it'll kill you --- HELLO! Hellooooooooo! Yummy! "Report for work first thing tomorrow." HA! I knew Jack hired him for eye-candy! And I knew there was chemistry first off, and aaaaawwww, there goes Ianto with his emo-face because of WOE!*Lisa*WOE!
That was sweet! Not too different from what I imagined, and very easy to kinkify in the depths of my depraved imagination. Quite acceptable, as canon goes.
35) Oh, poor woobie! What a scream!
36) Now we have to get Owen, right? Can I just skip this part? No? Oh well, in for a penny...
37) Oh GAWDS can I skip this soap opera bullshit? I really, really don't need to see this... Woe, woe, woe... It's time for an attitude adjustment.
*cough* Back now!
38) They should have done this segment earlier in the episode, after Tosh's and before Ianto's. After Ianto's, this disease-of-the-week shit drags the pace of the episode down to slogging.
39) Oh, I have *always* wanted to chloroform Owen!
40) Well, at least this segment is giving me time for a beer and a cigarette.
41) Oh, I have *always* wanted to sock Jack in the face! Hee!
42) Is that the Hand in a Jar?
43) Ooh, Owen is going to be all busted up and they will have to wrap him up like a mummy! *hearts*
44) John! Whine, whine, whine. This whole thing was just because John is feeling JEALOUS? The bitchy queen! And as for Grey -- blah, blah, blah, your family's on Tatooine. I don't give a brain-kitten's hairball for Jack's canon childhood.
45) Conclusion? Cute, harmless, nothing unexpected. IANTO IN A STUDDED LEATHER BELT OMG!
And my Plus One for the teaser for next episode: Jealous queeny ex-boyfriends, more PC Andy, Jack talks funny, JACK TORTURE OMG!
1) Before I start: Okay, I lied. This is late because I've been watching That Scene from last episode over and over and over... I can't tear myself away! *snicker*
2) Plant. Screech! Dramatic music! It's CSI Cardiff! Hi, Ianto! Wow, you're actually wearing a suit and tie that don't make me embarrassed for you! Hi, Jack! Hi, Tosh! Hi, Owen!
3) Jack looks so gorgeous in blue light aiming that Webley. *girly sigh*
4) Plot devices! Boom! Wow, this is starting almost like an actual episode of a real TV series.
5) Good morning, Gwen! Thank you for not showing us Rhys's arse.
6) 1,392 Deaths! Oh, this is going to be a fun one! Hee!
7) He has sideburns -- we must be back in time! Bottle! "Oh, no not again." HA! "Torso of steel, shilling a feel." *Spider headdesks* Any time, any place, Jack is still an arsehole.
8) They're awfully well dressed for muggers, and one of them is wearing bloomers, yes? They must be Torchwood! "I used to date a guy..." Jack, this is not the time and place... can you say "heteronormative"? No? Of course not, you were just DEAD!
9) OMG, Jack torture! This RULES! The Doctor! "Kiss him... Kill him" OMG grab his balls! *Spider is rendered entirely babblicious and useless for remainder of scene*
10) HA! I told you they were Torchwood! And I knew Jack was here because of the Doctor! *hearts hearts hearts* *brain-kittens race around with ribbons*
11) BLOWFISH! (Yah, I'm articulate right now. *snort*)
12) Jack looks so idiotic cute cutely idiotic with those sideburns and the curl over the forehead. "I'm Torchwood". No, Jack, right now you're just flaming.
13) So who are these two, Mary Sue and Mary Sue Too? And why do I suddenly sound like Dr Seuss?
14) Yeah, I knew Jack wasn't going to take the second assignment, the moment Sue and Sue Too started in with "Where else will you get money?" Fer fuck's sake, you may as well just say "Double dog dare you!"
15) And YES I knew they were lesbians the first moment I saw the one in the bloomers.
16) YES! Psychic tarot kid!
17) Across: The Tower, Jack of Swords (of COURSE Jack is the Jack of Swords! *hearts hearts hearts*), three of Swords. "He's coming, the one you're looking for." Hmm... that's not how I'd read that, but am I Psychic Tarot Kid? Nope! Down: Ace of Cups, the Moon, and WHAT IS THAT LAST CARD!?!? I CAN'T SEEEEEE! *Spider 'splodes*
18) And that's all it took? I always knew Jack was easy, but dude!
19) Hey now! That's where he got the pocketwatch? "And we're not ready." Oh, that is so fucking corny! Boo! Hiss! *brain kittens chuck hairballs*
20) Hi again, 21st century Jack! Hello, Rhys!
21) Ah! This is the "how we got to Torchwood" episode!
22) Toshiko the hacker! I suppose this is where I should restate my "canon backstory is optional" stance. If I don't like it, or it's just too stoopid for words, I'm perfectly happy over here in Denial. But so far, both Tosh's backstory and Jack's pickup by Torchwood seem reasonable to me...
...which probably means that any minute now I'm going to be slamming my head against the wall, right?
23) and by the way, I'm completely ignoring the plotty plotness of the Adventures of Super Agent Sato --- oooh! UNIT! Okay, that's cool! "Your rights as a citizen have been withdrawn. We are not required to provide you with legal representation." AAAAAHHH!!! That is NOT COOL!
24) Hellooooooooo, Jack! Another Jack interrogation scene. I am in heaven! *swoon*
25) "Baby, you're good!" *more swooning, and possibly damp panties*
26) Yeah, I can just check Tosh's backstory off the list as pretty much what I expected. Who's next? And why is nobody calling 999? Oh, right, because the cops would LAUGH at them! HA!
27) IANTO! *Spider prepares to retcon self when they give him a moronic eeeeemo backstory heavy on the Lisa worship*
28) Fight Jack fight! And Ianto to the rescue! In JEANS and a STUDDED LEATHER BELT! "Jones, Ianto Jones" (*Spider cues James Bond theme*) Hello, getting handsy already? Why else would a lovely young lad be walking about the park in the middle of the night in tight jeans and a studded leather belt? CRUISING!
29) Of course Ianto knows it's a Weevil! "Any time." Oh yeah I BET, Ianto! *nudge nudge* "Love the coat." Oh come on, try to tell me Ianto wasn't trying to pick Jack up! Hee! *hearts and glitter*
30) Coffee! *Spider starts scribbling notes* August 19, 1983. Shoplifting! Mainly a drifter, Torchwood London. Jack severed all links with Torchwood London. OMG listen to Ianto beg to work with Jack! "I'll work for nothing!" *giggles and squees and bounces and claps hands!* And he's going to show up every morning with coffee, isn't he?
31) Stalker!Ianto! NICE SUIT! Pterodactyl!
32) FIFTY-FIRST CENTURY PHEROMONES! I KNEW IT!
33) Ianto just volunteered to be Jack's GUARD DOG? *Spider keels over in kink overload* He's really got a thing about Jack's coat, isn't he? OMG he's begging to be the BUTLER! Oh, gods of Torchwood, you love me so! *weeps in gratitude*
34) Awwww, sweet li'l pterodactyl! Jack, just drop, it's not like it'll kill you --- HELLO! Hellooooooooo! Yummy! "Report for work first thing tomorrow." HA! I knew Jack hired him for eye-candy! And I knew there was chemistry first off, and aaaaawwww, there goes Ianto with his emo-face because of WOE!*Lisa*WOE!
That was sweet! Not too different from what I imagined, and very easy to kinkify in the depths of my depraved imagination. Quite acceptable, as canon goes.
35) Oh, poor woobie! What a scream!
36) Now we have to get Owen, right? Can I just skip this part? No? Oh well, in for a penny...
37) Oh GAWDS can I skip this soap opera bullshit? I really, really don't need to see this... Woe, woe, woe... It's time for an attitude adjustment.
*cough* Back now!
38) They should have done this segment earlier in the episode, after Tosh's and before Ianto's. After Ianto's, this disease-of-the-week shit drags the pace of the episode down to slogging.
39) Oh, I have *always* wanted to chloroform Owen!
40) Well, at least this segment is giving me time for a beer and a cigarette.
41) Oh, I have *always* wanted to sock Jack in the face! Hee!
42) Is that the Hand in a Jar?
43) Ooh, Owen is going to be all busted up and they will have to wrap him up like a mummy! *hearts*
44) John! Whine, whine, whine. This whole thing was just because John is feeling JEALOUS? The bitchy queen! And as for Grey -- blah, blah, blah, your family's on Tatooine. I don't give a brain-kitten's hairball for Jack's canon childhood.
45) Conclusion? Cute, harmless, nothing unexpected. IANTO IN A STUDDED LEATHER BELT OMG!
And my Plus One for the teaser for next episode: Jealous queeny ex-boyfriends, more PC Andy, Jack talks funny, JACK TORTURE OMG!