50 + 1 Thinkies About "Dead Man Walking"
Another new Torchwood! My gods, are we spoiled or what? Week after week of yummy cheezy slashy goodness, and so far not a clunker in the lot! (*Spider crosses fingers, spits, spins around 3 times*)
Not much to say before I dive in, except the usual: Unspoiled, first viewing, commenting as we go, nothin' but squee. If you spoil me for future episodes (or the new season of Doctor Who) I will dump you in a vat of special sauce and feed you to Myfanwy, and then Ianto will have to clean up the mess. And we don't want to make any extra work for the tea boy, do we, hmmmm? I THOUGHT NOT.
Anyway, here we go!
1) Before I start: I got nothin'.
2) Hi, dead Owen! Hi, Dr Martha Jones! You're doing an autopsy on Owen, so you're my BEST FRIEND. For now, anyway...
3) Hi, Gwen and Tosh! Hi, Ianto! Poor boy, you look so cute when you're sad and pouty.
4) Hi, Jack! Still feeling toppy, I see. And POOH on you for not letting Martha cut Owen up into chunks. You're no fun.
5) Wow, creepy psychic tarot kid FTW! I love that she has a card showing Jack in some kind of space armor. But did you ever notice how creepy psychics in TV and movies always know everything and tell you NOTHING? Doesn't that make you want to smack 'em? "Here, predict this!"
6) Oooh, nice creepy church. Oooh, Weevil doss house! Or is this a Weevil slumber party? Nah, nobody really sleeps at a slumber party, and none of the Weevils are doing each other's hair and talking about boys.
7) Hi, mopey Ianto! I don't know whether to ravish you or give you a blankie and a cup of cocoa. *Spider is confused*
8) Bugger. The Glove. How many times do I have to tell you: Don't screw about with dodgy alien tech. It always ends in tears. Oh, well, fine: if they didn't screw about with dodgy alien tech, there wouldn't be a show. Then again, if they didn't screw about with dodgy alien tech, there'd be MORE TIME FOR BOYKISSING. I could watch week after week of 50 minutes of Jack and Ianto just flirting and snarking and kissing and FUCKING LIKE BUNNIES IN ALL KINDS OF INNOVATIVE AND AVANT GARDE WAYS. I got your post-watershed right here, IN MY PANTS.
*cough* Right. Show. Onward.
9) Did he say, "Different glove?" How many resurrection gloves ARE there? Do you get them at Intergalactic Wal-Mart or something?
10) Hi, not!dead Owen! I'm glad you're back and all, but I'm far more interested in how even Jack's lacerated eyebrow follows the curve of his eye and makes him look even HOTTER.
11) Owen is the only one who knows the code to the morgue? That's just plain bad management, is all.
12) Jack, telling the dying man that there's nothing, just darkness, is NOT helping him prepare for death. You're gorgeous but you're a pillock.
13) Bye, Owen! Hi, Owen!
14) "Here we go again." In case you didn't know before, I LOVE IANTO.
15) Hi, zombie!Owen with no pulse! Holy cheezes, did that glove just move on its own?
16) "How many gloves are there?" "Two. They tend to come in pairs." Ianto, I adore you, but you must stop letting Jack choose your ties. He's far more flamboyant than you are, and I've finally realized what those flashy shirts and ties keep reminding me of. Does anyone remember that horrible Dick Tracy movie? All the clothes in that flick were these bright comic-book colors. THAT's what your suits are starting to remind me of, and I don't like it.
17) Hi, Rhys! Good to see you, especially when you're not nekkid!
18) Oh please, don't go all eeeeemo and moody on me, Owen. I don't care if you're dead or alive, you're still a twat. And now you're flapping around in the dark, and that's what this whole episode is going to be, isn't it? SNORE. But I gotta admit, watching Owen cling to Jack like a scaredy-cat schoolgirl is amusing. YES I DO HAVE A HEART OF STONE, THANK YOU.
19) Jack is gorgeous. I have to say that at least 3 times per episode. It's the law.
20) Obligatory Owen/Tosh UST scene. SPARE ME.
21) Aaaaaaaaand back into the dark we go! Now with extra-special creepy voices!
22) Hey! Owen's a demon! Oh, wait, that's Supernatural. Sorry, the black eyes and creepy voice got me confoozled there for a moment.
23) Ianto helping Jack into his coat IS MADE OF LOVE.
24) This is totally an Owen Episode. All I can say is THERE HAD BETTER BE SOME JACK/IANTO TO MAKE UP FOR IT.
25) Eeeww! Snogging the dead guy! And it looks like EVERY LAST BODY PART is dead, too! Hee!
26) Hey! HANDS OFF THE CAPTAIN! ...unless it's just rough foreplay. Hey, it's Jack, it could be!
27) Weevils just come out of nowhere and nobody notices? Huh? Oh, sorry, that comes under the heading of "plot", which is a dirty, dirty word, and not in the good way.
28) Okay, I really don't need to see upside down projectile vomiting. And I am disappointed in Jack for missing a perfectly good "gag reflex" innuendo. Shame! Shame!
29) I REALLY DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT OWEN'S FARTS.
30) Jack dated Marcel Proust? That pissy little snob? I am utterly speechless. Jack, I thought you had better taste than that!
31) "Torchwood. Authorization: Harkness, Jack. 474317." *Spider makes note for future fics*
32) Owen has a Weevil fan club, does he now? Oy vey. OH NO, it's not a fan club, it's a CULT. Shoot me now, please!
33) Wait wait wait wait... is that the piece of dodgy alien tech that used to be a scanner and then was some kind of lock-opening thingy? Now it's a translator or something? *Spider throws hands up in despair*
34) "I've got a really bad feeling about this." Gwen, I hate to tell you, but you are not in a Star Wars movie. THANK GODS.
35) Yup, Weevil cult. "It ain't good." Understatement much? But I gotta say, Janet looks kinda ... sweet in this scene. Yes, I've completely lost my mind.
36) Yes, please please pump Owen full of formaldehyde and petrify him; that way I won't have to sit through the rest of this episode! WHERE'S MY BOY-SNOGGING?
37) Martha makes a far better member of Torchwood than she did a Doctor's Companion. Just sayin'.
38) CREEPY ZOMBIE GLOVE ALERT! *snicker* It's like the evil twin of Thing from the Addams Family. Whee!
39) Okay, we got black eyes, creepy voices, and now BLACK SMOKE FROM THE MOUTH? HA! Chibnall's been watching Supernatural!
40) Jack is gorgeous. Always and forever.
41) "Ianto, we need answers." "I'm on it." BECAUSE IANTO KNOWS EVERYTHING.
42) Nice skeletal death thing!
43) Why did they bother to show the creepy tarot kid at the start of the episode if she doesn't show up again? I want her to show up again -- if not in this episode, then SOON.
44) WEIGHT WATCHERS! BWAHAHAHA!
45) Tosh, you don't have to use dodgy alien tech. It's a GLASS FUCKING DOOR, just break it down! Sheesh!
46) Ianto, you are also gorgeous.
47) I really don't need to hear Owen be all inspirational about beating death. *Spider sticks finger down throat, projectile vomits, does NOT stand on head*
48) Fine, fine, Owen kisses Tosh. W'ever.
49) "Jack? Gwen? Anyone?" Ianto's little hysterical laugh when cured!Martha jumps at him SLAYS me.
50) Y'know, when they shoot John Barrowman from the wrong angle he looks like Mike Myers. Ew. EXCEPT GORGEOUS.
Conclusion? WHERE'S MY BOY-SNOGGING? I WANT MY BOY-SNOGGING! No Jack/Ianto moments = NOT a successful episode! *Spider pouts*
And my Plus One for the teaser for next episode: MORE Owen? Fuckin' hell.
Not much to say before I dive in, except the usual: Unspoiled, first viewing, commenting as we go, nothin' but squee. If you spoil me for future episodes (or the new season of Doctor Who) I will dump you in a vat of special sauce and feed you to Myfanwy, and then Ianto will have to clean up the mess. And we don't want to make any extra work for the tea boy, do we, hmmmm? I THOUGHT NOT.
Anyway, here we go!
1) Before I start: I got nothin'.
2) Hi, dead Owen! Hi, Dr Martha Jones! You're doing an autopsy on Owen, so you're my BEST FRIEND. For now, anyway...
3) Hi, Gwen and Tosh! Hi, Ianto! Poor boy, you look so cute when you're sad and pouty.
4) Hi, Jack! Still feeling toppy, I see. And POOH on you for not letting Martha cut Owen up into chunks. You're no fun.
5) Wow, creepy psychic tarot kid FTW! I love that she has a card showing Jack in some kind of space armor. But did you ever notice how creepy psychics in TV and movies always know everything and tell you NOTHING? Doesn't that make you want to smack 'em? "Here, predict this!"
6) Oooh, nice creepy church. Oooh, Weevil doss house! Or is this a Weevil slumber party? Nah, nobody really sleeps at a slumber party, and none of the Weevils are doing each other's hair and talking about boys.
7) Hi, mopey Ianto! I don't know whether to ravish you or give you a blankie and a cup of cocoa. *Spider is confused*
8) Bugger. The Glove. How many times do I have to tell you: Don't screw about with dodgy alien tech. It always ends in tears. Oh, well, fine: if they didn't screw about with dodgy alien tech, there wouldn't be a show. Then again, if they didn't screw about with dodgy alien tech, there'd be MORE TIME FOR BOYKISSING. I could watch week after week of 50 minutes of Jack and Ianto just flirting and snarking and kissing and FUCKING LIKE BUNNIES IN ALL KINDS OF INNOVATIVE AND AVANT GARDE WAYS. I got your post-watershed right here, IN MY PANTS.
*cough* Right. Show. Onward.
9) Did he say, "Different glove?" How many resurrection gloves ARE there? Do you get them at Intergalactic Wal-Mart or something?
10) Hi, not!dead Owen! I'm glad you're back and all, but I'm far more interested in how even Jack's lacerated eyebrow follows the curve of his eye and makes him look even HOTTER.
11) Owen is the only one who knows the code to the morgue? That's just plain bad management, is all.
12) Jack, telling the dying man that there's nothing, just darkness, is NOT helping him prepare for death. You're gorgeous but you're a pillock.
13) Bye, Owen! Hi, Owen!
14) "Here we go again." In case you didn't know before, I LOVE IANTO.
15) Hi, zombie!Owen with no pulse! Holy cheezes, did that glove just move on its own?
16) "How many gloves are there?" "Two. They tend to come in pairs." Ianto, I adore you, but you must stop letting Jack choose your ties. He's far more flamboyant than you are, and I've finally realized what those flashy shirts and ties keep reminding me of. Does anyone remember that horrible Dick Tracy movie? All the clothes in that flick were these bright comic-book colors. THAT's what your suits are starting to remind me of, and I don't like it.
17) Hi, Rhys! Good to see you, especially when you're not nekkid!
18) Oh please, don't go all eeeeemo and moody on me, Owen. I don't care if you're dead or alive, you're still a twat. And now you're flapping around in the dark, and that's what this whole episode is going to be, isn't it? SNORE. But I gotta admit, watching Owen cling to Jack like a scaredy-cat schoolgirl is amusing. YES I DO HAVE A HEART OF STONE, THANK YOU.
19) Jack is gorgeous. I have to say that at least 3 times per episode. It's the law.
20) Obligatory Owen/Tosh UST scene. SPARE ME.
21) Aaaaaaaaand back into the dark we go! Now with extra-special creepy voices!
22) Hey! Owen's a demon! Oh, wait, that's Supernatural. Sorry, the black eyes and creepy voice got me confoozled there for a moment.
23) Ianto helping Jack into his coat IS MADE OF LOVE.
24) This is totally an Owen Episode. All I can say is THERE HAD BETTER BE SOME JACK/IANTO TO MAKE UP FOR IT.
25) Eeeww! Snogging the dead guy! And it looks like EVERY LAST BODY PART is dead, too! Hee!
26) Hey! HANDS OFF THE CAPTAIN! ...unless it's just rough foreplay. Hey, it's Jack, it could be!
27) Weevils just come out of nowhere and nobody notices? Huh? Oh, sorry, that comes under the heading of "plot", which is a dirty, dirty word, and not in the good way.
28) Okay, I really don't need to see upside down projectile vomiting. And I am disappointed in Jack for missing a perfectly good "gag reflex" innuendo. Shame! Shame!
29) I REALLY DON'T NEED TO HEAR ABOUT OWEN'S FARTS.
30) Jack dated Marcel Proust? That pissy little snob? I am utterly speechless. Jack, I thought you had better taste than that!
31) "Torchwood. Authorization: Harkness, Jack. 474317." *Spider makes note for future fics*
32) Owen has a Weevil fan club, does he now? Oy vey. OH NO, it's not a fan club, it's a CULT. Shoot me now, please!
33) Wait wait wait wait... is that the piece of dodgy alien tech that used to be a scanner and then was some kind of lock-opening thingy? Now it's a translator or something? *Spider throws hands up in despair*
34) "I've got a really bad feeling about this." Gwen, I hate to tell you, but you are not in a Star Wars movie. THANK GODS.
35) Yup, Weevil cult. "It ain't good." Understatement much? But I gotta say, Janet looks kinda ... sweet in this scene. Yes, I've completely lost my mind.
36) Yes, please please pump Owen full of formaldehyde and petrify him; that way I won't have to sit through the rest of this episode! WHERE'S MY BOY-SNOGGING?
37) Martha makes a far better member of Torchwood than she did a Doctor's Companion. Just sayin'.
38) CREEPY ZOMBIE GLOVE ALERT! *snicker* It's like the evil twin of Thing from the Addams Family. Whee!
39) Okay, we got black eyes, creepy voices, and now BLACK SMOKE FROM THE MOUTH? HA! Chibnall's been watching Supernatural!
40) Jack is gorgeous. Always and forever.
41) "Ianto, we need answers." "I'm on it." BECAUSE IANTO KNOWS EVERYTHING.
42) Nice skeletal death thing!
43) Why did they bother to show the creepy tarot kid at the start of the episode if she doesn't show up again? I want her to show up again -- if not in this episode, then SOON.
44) WEIGHT WATCHERS! BWAHAHAHA!
45) Tosh, you don't have to use dodgy alien tech. It's a GLASS FUCKING DOOR, just break it down! Sheesh!
46) Ianto, you are also gorgeous.
47) I really don't need to hear Owen be all inspirational about beating death. *Spider sticks finger down throat, projectile vomits, does NOT stand on head*
48) Fine, fine, Owen kisses Tosh. W'ever.
49) "Jack? Gwen? Anyone?" Ianto's little hysterical laugh when cured!Martha jumps at him SLAYS me.
50) Y'know, when they shoot John Barrowman from the wrong angle he looks like Mike Myers. Ew. EXCEPT GORGEOUS.
Conclusion? WHERE'S MY BOY-SNOGGING? I WANT MY BOY-SNOGGING! No Jack/Ianto moments = NOT a successful episode! *Spider pouts*
And my Plus One for the teaser for next episode: MORE Owen? Fuckin' hell.