Advice
Please don't come to A&E with diarrhoea and vomiting you've had for 2 days, then tell us you ate a KFC/Chinese/some other shite. 2 weeks of diarrhoea, fine, but 2 days? Kindly go home and shite in your own house like most sane people would.
Please don't come to A&E with a sore knee/finger/anus that you've had for the last 6 days/weeks/months/years (yes really) "just to get it checked out", "because it's annoying me", "because my GP won't do anything about it", then tell us you havn't taken any form of pain killers.
Please don't come to A&E with chest pain and wonder what on earth could be causing it when you are 17 stone, smoke 40 a day and drink 40 units a week. We will kindly give you a hint as to the root of your problem.
Please don't phone an ambulance if you have the flu and are "unable to keep anything down". Last time I checked this is what happens when you are not feeling well.
Please don't get annoyed at us and say that you've been waiting here for "3 and a half oors" to be seen. Information technology tells us exactly what time you booked in at reception, and we know you've been here for 44 minutes.
Please don't come into A&E saying that you are having chest/abdo/whatever pain, and then when the doctor tells you that they would like you to be admitted, say that "Ahm no stayin in hospital overnight". We are not miracle workers, we can't cure a lifetime of bad eating/drinking/smoking habits in two hours.
Please do not phone an ambulance for yourself for something pointless, then ask us how the hell you are supposed to get home when we discharge you. We will NOT pay for a taxi. We will give you a bus timetable and the number of a taxi company. We know you are lying when you say you have no money on you. We know you are lying when you say there's no money at home to pay the taxi driver when you get there. We know you are lying when you say there is absolutely no one that can pick you up. If your complaint was genuine your family would be worried about you and would see it as no hassle to come and get you. Don't tell us you're not getting them out of their bed. We've been at work since 8 o clock this morning. We'd like to be in bed but shit happens.
Please remember that doctors went to university for 5/6 years. They are not stupid. Do not tell the ambulance crew one story, the nurses another, and the doctors another, Surprisingly enough we all communicate. Lying to our face makes us hate you more.
Please remind any 10, 11 or 12 year olds (I'm not joking) you see that drinking is very bad, and downing a 70cl of vodka is a waste of EVERYONES time and money. Plus we don't take too kindly to being spit on. We will slap you in the face and try sticking a giant catheter in your urethra to try and wake you up. It usually works.
Come to A&E if:
You are bleeding uncontrollably from an artery
You are not conscious, but this is not alcohol related
Your heart has stopped beating
One of your limbs is in a very strange position/you can see one of your vital organs
You really do have crushing chest pain and are a bit grey and clammy. The defibrillator will be waiting for you.
All the nurses and doctors are human beings just trying to earn some money and possibly fit in a social life if they can. Just because we are in the "caring" profession doesn't mean we have any patience for your shite. We get annoyed just like everyone else. We cannot cure everyone that walks into the department. We're not miracle workers. Save the ACCIDENT and EMERGENCY departments for ACCIDENTS and EMERGENCIES.
I think I might need a new job pretty soon.
Please don't come to A&E with a sore knee/finger/anus that you've had for the last 6 days/weeks/months/years (yes really) "just to get it checked out", "because it's annoying me", "because my GP won't do anything about it", then tell us you havn't taken any form of pain killers.
Please don't come to A&E with chest pain and wonder what on earth could be causing it when you are 17 stone, smoke 40 a day and drink 40 units a week. We will kindly give you a hint as to the root of your problem.
Please don't phone an ambulance if you have the flu and are "unable to keep anything down". Last time I checked this is what happens when you are not feeling well.
Please don't get annoyed at us and say that you've been waiting here for "3 and a half oors" to be seen. Information technology tells us exactly what time you booked in at reception, and we know you've been here for 44 minutes.
Please don't come into A&E saying that you are having chest/abdo/whatever pain, and then when the doctor tells you that they would like you to be admitted, say that "Ahm no stayin in hospital overnight". We are not miracle workers, we can't cure a lifetime of bad eating/drinking/smoking habits in two hours.
Please do not phone an ambulance for yourself for something pointless, then ask us how the hell you are supposed to get home when we discharge you. We will NOT pay for a taxi. We will give you a bus timetable and the number of a taxi company. We know you are lying when you say you have no money on you. We know you are lying when you say there's no money at home to pay the taxi driver when you get there. We know you are lying when you say there is absolutely no one that can pick you up. If your complaint was genuine your family would be worried about you and would see it as no hassle to come and get you. Don't tell us you're not getting them out of their bed. We've been at work since 8 o clock this morning. We'd like to be in bed but shit happens.
Please remember that doctors went to university for 5/6 years. They are not stupid. Do not tell the ambulance crew one story, the nurses another, and the doctors another, Surprisingly enough we all communicate. Lying to our face makes us hate you more.
Please remind any 10, 11 or 12 year olds (I'm not joking) you see that drinking is very bad, and downing a 70cl of vodka is a waste of EVERYONES time and money. Plus we don't take too kindly to being spit on. We will slap you in the face and try sticking a giant catheter in your urethra to try and wake you up. It usually works.
Come to A&E if:
You are bleeding uncontrollably from an artery
You are not conscious, but this is not alcohol related
Your heart has stopped beating
One of your limbs is in a very strange position/you can see one of your vital organs
You really do have crushing chest pain and are a bit grey and clammy. The defibrillator will be waiting for you.
All the nurses and doctors are human beings just trying to earn some money and possibly fit in a social life if they can. Just because we are in the "caring" profession doesn't mean we have any patience for your shite. We get annoyed just like everyone else. We cannot cure everyone that walks into the department. We're not miracle workers. Save the ACCIDENT and EMERGENCY departments for ACCIDENTS and EMERGENCIES.
I think I might need a new job pretty soon.