(no subject)
So, i feel kinda empty and down. Jeremy broke it off yesterday. We're back together now but I really need to just hang with him and get feeling a little better about it and i thought tonight would be good for that but hes currently having a guy's night. I mean, i want him to do guys night things, but i really kinda need him right now and i cant have him. isnt that always the way it is? I think so. Never rely on onther people, youll always be let down.
Ever wanna tell someone something but not know how or really even what it is? Yeah, thats also how i feel right now. And i feel cold. And pretty raw on the emotions. I think that was more than icould handle at that moment and it kinda broke me. I hate being so very fragile.
So, Grand Isle I got really messed up and didnt mean to. I said a bunch of crap that i would NEVER say in my right mind. I was really really harsh on Jeremy. Really harsh. I didnt even remember saying these things. Mark had to tell me. I feel really bad about it now. I dont think i'm ever gonna drink around him again. Not for a while anyway. I really like him and i'm so afraid of losing him. Why is this the story of my life lately. Always the guy breaing up with me before i'm ready. I guess my body clock is just telling me its time to settle down and thats not what guys want. Its not that i want to settle down, just that i really want to just have something truely good in my life. Truely rewarding. Completely solid. I know what that needs to be but i am definately reaching for it in every oter area but the right one. I make no sense and i'm still all shook up. I was fine earlier, i just want to be ok. I'm starting to ramble and make no sense.
Ever wanna tell someone something but not know how or really even what it is? Yeah, thats also how i feel right now. And i feel cold. And pretty raw on the emotions. I think that was more than icould handle at that moment and it kinda broke me. I hate being so very fragile.
So, Grand Isle I got really messed up and didnt mean to. I said a bunch of crap that i would NEVER say in my right mind. I was really really harsh on Jeremy. Really harsh. I didnt even remember saying these things. Mark had to tell me. I feel really bad about it now. I dont think i'm ever gonna drink around him again. Not for a while anyway. I really like him and i'm so afraid of losing him. Why is this the story of my life lately. Always the guy breaing up with me before i'm ready. I guess my body clock is just telling me its time to settle down and thats not what guys want. Its not that i want to settle down, just that i really want to just have something truely good in my life. Truely rewarding. Completely solid. I know what that needs to be but i am definately reaching for it in every oter area but the right one. I make no sense and i'm still all shook up. I was fine earlier, i just want to be ok. I'm starting to ramble and make no sense.