Hey, at least it's less annoying than my stint at sesquipedalianism.
Oh poor poor little-green-umbrella. Little did you know of the task I would put you up to this rainy October afternoon. Try and try as you might, you could not protect me from the rain. In fact, our pitiful stand against the uncharacteristically strong elements seemed to do nothing but anger them so.
If only you had warning! If only you knew the pleasantly brisk Monday morning weather was nothing more than a deceitful facade! Things would have been different!
Alas, it was not so. Your woeful circumference was not sufficient to stem the downpour. Nor was your fragile frame fitted to fight off the stiff crosswind. At a certain point, it seemed more water drained off your convexed surface directly onto my groinular area than... away from my groinular area.
So for fear of groin-flu, I am relieving you from service. In your stead, I have brought in a replacement: big-fucking-green-umbrella. Despair not, for you will always be aptly remembered as a faithful companion... that occasionally leaked on my junk. Adieu.
If only you had warning! If only you knew the pleasantly brisk Monday morning weather was nothing more than a deceitful facade! Things would have been different!
Alas, it was not so. Your woeful circumference was not sufficient to stem the downpour. Nor was your fragile frame fitted to fight off the stiff crosswind. At a certain point, it seemed more water drained off your convexed surface directly onto my groinular area than... away from my groinular area.
So for fear of groin-flu, I am relieving you from service. In your stead, I have brought in a replacement: big-fucking-green-umbrella. Despair not, for you will always be aptly remembered as a faithful companion... that occasionally leaked on my junk. Adieu.